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Taller than most. Louder than most.

More layers to my personality than an onion, peel me and I could make you cry.

Friday, November 21, 2008

More in the Xmas fund...

We were meant to go to Manchester G last night for the £30+£30 but as the day wore on I wore out. I have somethng called pernicious anaemia which means as soon as I catch a cold I get so run down it's a joke. Really didn't fancy playing live poker with double vision and a mouth full of ulcers so the BF went off to try his luck while I went to bed.

Of course there's not much to do in bed by yourself at 8pm (yeah guys I know you can find penty to do in bed by yourself but I wasn't really in the mood) so the laptop went on and I entered the 12.5K on Ipoker. $100 is more than my usual stakes but I haven't played an online MTT for a while so wanted a decent standard, and have had a bit of luck on the 7CS tables (thanks to my flu lol) so figured I'd throw caution to the wind. As usual.

About 130 runners and my first table had a guy on who had read all the books, only watching his chip stack dwindle proved actions really do speak louder than words. He told me off for not raising with AKoff UTG - third hand in, when all the fish are still in spawny silly season and you know you're losing 4k in chips to k10 if you raise. His name was BULLYbjorne and apparently I should raise with AK to maximise my winnings then continuation bet any flop as the aggressor, as my opponent would have to fold under the pressure. I shouldn't have to point out here that while his general theory is acceptable, to me it's not on the third hand in when the blinds are 10/20, and the usual early stage madmen are all in on any flop. Particularly when the flop is 77J. I'm not in love with AK- I'm not in love with any hand if I know I'm behind :) He told me I shold raise to get info about the other players, but couldn't see he was doing it for all of us with his play.

How we laughed as he button raised every time only to fold to a reraise, or raised then bet the flop, only to fold as someone else pushed back at him. He couldn't back it up once, he was determined to try his A game out despite it being far too early, and with no idea of how the rest of the table was playing and it cost him. Anyway I soon had the decent players marked up on my table and was proven right as the final table had 5 of my table's original guys on, including me. I thought this was quite unusual? (The fact 5 of us were there - not that I got to the final table...)

Lost a big pot with AK against QQ, played itself, so having to push decided to do so when one of the original guys raised up. He was a very solid player so I knew he could fold if he didn't have a hand, but he had QQ.. having said that, I'd rather have given him my chips as I know he'll use them well. So I was 7th for just shy of £500, which with us moving house on Monday, is a handy touch.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

old ones are the best

This made me giggle at Blackpool last week.

I was out in the smoking cage when The Mole (above) looked up at me - he's about 4'2" - and said "bloody hell you're tall". Nothing like stating the obvious. He then asked the predictable next question that everyone does - how tall are you anyway, you must be 6 foot?
To which I give the standard reply of "No, I'm only 5'12".
The best bit is, he doesn't get that, but all of his mates/onlookers do, so they're all giggling while he thinks about it for a minute. He knows he's missed something but he's not sure what, but then again I reckon a lot goes over his head :)
His (much taller) mate Brain Martin turns to me and says " I've got three inches on you" - the obvious reply here for me was you put your three inches anywhere near me and I call the police.
Of course although everyone else was fallin about laughing Brian actually blushed and looked mortified. (whether I struck a nerve who knows) I spoke to him more over the next couple of days and he was actually a very quiet very nice guy, so Brian - I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have three inch penis. :)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

girl flu

This little known strain of the flu virus is often overlooked by people discussing the many perils of man-flu - eg: not able to open his can of lager, inability to put the loo seat down and so on. This shit however is the real deal.

When us women get flu we soldier on looking after you guys, or even if single, we don't moan or take to our beds - we just get on with it. But this flu is definitely Type X, the really deadly strain where your head feels too large and heavy for your body, your legs don't work and there is constant streams of nasty stuff trickling out of your nose. However it has one positive effect amongst all of the side effects, and that is it gives you the ability to play 7 card stud with no outdraws. I don't know how that is, whether the people on the table feel sorry for you as you sniff away or whether they fold as they don't want to touch your contagious chips, or whether you are so stuffed up you can't even see the potential dangers. As much as I feel like shit, I'm hoping to still be ill tomorrow as I increased my sit down by 150% today.

Off topic (like flu is really on topic!) news on the job front - we have a new pub. We move in next Monday and start wednesday which is a bit fast but we'll do it somehow. It's in another town about 30 minutes from Southport (where we are now) so my daughter will stay at her school for now. The area we're moving to is nicknamed "Millionaires Row" and it's a seriously lush place, very affluent and of course full of pensioners, the latter being just like where we are now :).

It's a gastropub rather than a big drinking place but anyone who knows us is always welcome to drop in. Don't know how the poker will go on for the immediate future - we've been lucky enough to play an awful lot recently but as we'll be working silly hours it's less likely, and with Christmas a few weeks away we're gonna be really busy. It's open Xmas Day for food which is a new experience for me as I've always had Xmas at home, but it'll be fun and at least we're guaranteed a good dinner plus no taxi fares home once the after dinner Hennessy kicks in :)

Sunday, November 16, 2008

two entries now... :)

Two entries now on the Hendon Mob rankings pages. It's a start right?!

Blackpool lots of fun as usual but have to say not a patch on last year for atmosphere, and I don't think it was just my opinion, as most of the big names disappeared as soon as they were out of the comp, whereas last year they seemed to stick around a bit longer. Cash games nowhere near as busy and as for the side events, they were all full - mainly because the G capped them all at 80 players... some reserve lists were longer than the entry list :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Momentary brain stew

Here's a good move: Work your way through over 100 players in a £30 Super satellite for the GUKPT's main event by playing solider than a very solid thing, wait till you down to the last few players before the seats kick in, wait once more till you double up your shortish stack, wait til your table breaks and you don't know how any of the players think, wait til someone raises 6 x the BB from early position on what does seem to be a tight table, and then - but only then - find the pathetic AQ off that you have already folded 3 times that day and suddenly imagine it to be the holy grail and decide (with no thought or game plan) to push all your 18BB in with it to watch the original raiser call with AK.

I left the casino shortly afterwards.

I don't know what possesed me, but the worst of it was the bad play I made and the shame factor that goes hand in hand with that. Even if I spiked a Q I would have been the table gimp as it was patently obvious - after the event - that the guy had AK. If I really wanted to play it at that stage I could have simply called to find out where I was but no, I couldn't do anything simple could I. There was a couple of players I know on the table and they were just looking at me as if to say "I thought your game had improved... but I was wrong..." I think I may have actually blushed, which hasn't happened since about 1972.

Decided to play a crappy FO at Leos Gala that night as wanted to be as far away from Blackpool as was possible: I'm driving past the Liver Birds building in the city centre when Andy Booth rang me for a freeroll password.(It was seaside for anyone that didn't have it - unlucky :)) and yeh I know I shouldn't have answered my phone but what can I say, I'm just a rebel. So busy talking to him I shot a red light by the new shopping centre so I'm guessing that's caught on camera. Is saying you didn't see it as you were on the phone a good defence?

Crashed out Leos, the BF came 2nd, but while I was waiting skipped over to the Circus, played 6 hands cash and made £800. I'm not saying it made it any better, but it allowed me to fan my hot flush away in style - with £50s.

Came home and went on updates on AWOP to see how everyone doing and found a picture of myself from the SS looking a little like a Russian Olympic shotputter (albeit with a blonde wig) which didn't really help with the whole blushing situation.

Ah well, back on Thursday for the side event. It can only get worse.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008


No not me - Bubs26bs who couldnt even be trusted to look after my chips. Bah!

ace fuckin 8??????????

Won a seat last week into the satellite for the GUKPT package ($8k) worth $300, so was really looking forward to it tonight. started with 2k was doin fine, up to 2800 until i lost about 1k with JJ and AK in two consecutive hands. Started out thinking everyone on the table was a class A player ( I always seem to do this if i think I'm out my league) until hard evidence proved otherwise. The usual raising with K10 UTG then callin for a gutshot (no not me!), reraises with rag ace, you know the sort or game. I was folding hands to reraises where I would have been ahead preflop - and still on the river :(

Anyhow I'm down to 1,800K when i get AQ on button. I havent played a hand for quite some time, every raise that has gone to a flop I've had the goods so I don't look like a blagger, so I hope I can raise the blinds with it, although im owrried about the BB as he is a tit. don't want to mince my words here.

He's been raising 77 when the BB 20 then betting 123 on the flop etc, so I reraised him on the turn then showed J7c which matched nothin at all. Don't think he liked that, resulting in every time I raised he called. I bet the flop, he folded. Strong play hey?

So back to the AQ. I raised just over 2.5 x BB, no limpers b4 me, SB folds. BB calls. I knew he would call anyway, went without saying. Now bear with me here - every time this guy called a raise he would then bet around half the pot then fold. So the flop comes A28, two diamonds. He bets, predictably, half the pot, around 260. I then reraised him to about 600. Is this where I went wrong? My thinking is I know I have the better ace if he has one at all, if he's flushing I don't want him catching, but basically, I know I'm ahead. He then pushes all in which I'm calling for what I have left, with what's in the pot, so I call and yes he has A8. 2 pr, I don't improve and I'm out. I am genuinely gutted. I probably played that hand badly but can't see how the result woudl have been any different - if I'd flat called they all still would have ended up in the middle, if bob was my uncle fanny would have balls. Or something.

So I went into a satellite for the Irish Open and rebought around 9 times in the first 9 hands. I'm still playing it, as you can imagine I have the most solid image on the table so I'mnot pinning my hopes on that one. I like satellites to a satellite, and I'm generally quite good at them - it's the next step up I need to work on. Anyway been moved tables, chance to redeem myslef - later.x

Saturday, November 01, 2008

The dog is locked in the cupboard

Redeemed myself playing the $3500 FO (6 seater) on Ipoker in the early hours and cashing. I was helped by Lippo81 (thank u whoever u are) who got so wound up by me he ended up giving me all of his chips for a nice double up that put me 3rd just before the money started lol. He is always a very busy player and if you reraise him a few times he ends up putting them all in as he thinks u havin him off. I wasn't, but he knows that now...

Thankfully got moved shortly afterwards and from then on kept my chat off so people didn't call me with shite through spite - my gob has cost me many a tourny this way. It helped that the dog was exhausted from barking herself hoarse at the local firework display so I had a bit of peace and quiet.

Really need to get some sleep soon as start job hunting tomorrow. The season has ended in Blackpool so we both now out of work. We've been lucky with the nice touches we've had here and there, on average we've been up about 4.5K every month since august, which for part timers isn't bad at all. However I'm not daft enough to assume it will continue like this so need to make sure there is a regular income to do those boring things like put food on the table.

The poor workman blames his tools...

We have a dog. In the words of Supertramp not much of a dog but the only one I've got, only I would happily become a pet free household at this moment in time.

You see, this dog came from a rescue centre, and is the most loving and loyal mongrel ever, with just one major vice. She barks. She barks when someone walks past the house, she barks if you bang a door inside the house, she barks at leaves falling off trees three miles away.

Even more annoyingly, when you tell her to stop barking, usually with a well aimed foot, she continues to growl under her breath, while looking at you from the corner of her eye - the minute you break eye contact - she barks again.

She quietens down at night, mainly I think because her vocal cords are done in from a full day of barking, but of course last night was Halloween, that commercial holiday where snot nosed kids bang on your door looking for hard drugs and money. (I count myself lucky I'm not closer to town where that happens on a daily basis)

Anyway last night we'd done all of our Halloween stuff and the sprog had trotted off with her mate to a party, giving me a couple of hours to play poker. I sat down with the best of intentions, only I made the mistake of not killing the dog before I started.

She sat under my chair barking, whining and growling non-stop as hordes of kids knocked on the front door in close succession. I actually believe they were the same kids all the time who thought it would be funny to hear the mad lady swear again as she falls over the dog trying to get to the front door.

My game was non existent. In fact it was worse than that. So if you were on my table last night - in any of the many games I went out of first - all I can say is.. It wasn't me right?!

Just Bonfire night to get through now...

Friday, October 31, 2008

Chop Chop

I'm on a proper cheese and tomato at the moment - the roll continued last night at Manchester G when we chopped between the last five players, I got £900 and was officially 4th, though with the blinds at 10/20k with 900,000 chips in play, there wasn't much between most of the stacks.

Played a very strong but solid game early on and went into the first break with 17k (5 + 5k double chance). It was also a very silent game as my face was hurting too much to speak after a solid hour at the dentist earlier, having an abcess drained. Didn't have to show a card once in the first hour bizarrely - I wasn't getting many hands but took every opportunity to raise into an unopened pot if I was in late position, after which the continuation bet on the flop worked every time. It was a very soft table which made it easier - no resistance!

After the break the blinds shot up and I lost a pot with qq to kq - standard stuff, till I found myself with 11k, well under average. Pushed with 99 after 2 limpers, called by SB with AK, he missed I doubled up to average, then this happened. Blinds 1.5/3k : UTG limped (calling station: limped with anything from 22 to ak, no fold whatever the raise, and no fold with a rage ace or overcards on a rag flop either) Next to act limped (weak, I put him on hoping to see a flop for cheap) then the next guy raised up to 11k. At this stage with the blinds there's now 21.5k in the pot already I look down and find AQ off.
Normally I fold this hand for obvious reasons, but I felt the raiser was trying to take down what was in the middle and thought I could push here with this hand, as he was a good enough player to believe he was behind, and even if he did call I was good with two overs (put him on small-med pair). I wasn't worried about UTG being strong as he was too much of a limper to be a threat even in that position. I pushed and UTG insta called, 2nd to act insta folded lol and the raiser sat on for ever then said I must be behind, fold. UTG had AJ, which I was happy to see, he didn't hit, I won. Turned out raiser had 88 and would have hit a set lol - unlucky.

Normal game resumed, eventually got to final table where they wanted to do a 9 handed deal immediately, for 600 each. I said no, which may sound a bit mad considering 9th place was £110 and it didn't really improve until 3rd place (about 600 I think) but there were 3 short stacks there and I'd worked hard to not be one of them - opinions welcome here?
Anyway, I took out each of the short stacks :) to improve my stack immensely then offered a deal - £800 each play on remaining 5 for the last £600 - which they all accepted. Blinds got silly then it went to a chip count - final result was 5th got 800, 4th to 2nd got £900 and the chip leader £1100. Better days.
Stopped at Tesco on way home and bought loads of Halloween donuts which we ate in bed. What a result :)

Thursday, October 30, 2008

From Pro "high stakes" to RPO low stakes...

Everyone's a winner baby...

Played the $750 GTD Turbo rebuy on Ipoker last night, $3 rebuy, full of RPO players such as Stev1e and Morse99. Unheard of result in that I cashed in 2nd place for about $200 with only one rebuy and one addon. Was railbirded by a couple of players from the forum, which does go a long way, when you know your banter is being appreciated lol.

Off to Manchester G tonight for the £30 + £30 semi freeze out. I've only played this a couple of times but have cashed in it before, once a 4 way chop for around £800 so more of the same would be appreciated. However, I have just spent a painful hour at my dentist having an abcess drained so not sure I'm really in the right frame of mind to be playing poker. I'll give it a shot anyway - laters.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Paddy Power Irish Winter Festval side event


I'm a happy girl.

Monday we go to the card room in the City West hotel, Dublin, to play a satellite for the 500 Euro side event. Betfred have paid me in but you take every penny you can get right? (Or is that just us women?) It's a bunfight - first 10 people to sit down play... the BF has his seat in his hot little hand and a French player called the Pink Lady literally parks her arse on his chair as he is halfway through sitting down, and pushes him off it. Now I'm known for being a little forthright (hmm) and considered rude by a few but this was amazing, made worse by the fact she then started shouting at him in french. My guy would never be rude to a woman so it's usually down to me, but she's there with half of Europe as her BF is pascal perault, so she's like the poker version of a WAG (in her case, a HAG), so I know if I say anything, all the frogs start croaking and it's the Battle of Waterloo all over again.

It killed me to keep quiet but we let the cards speak, I took out her rent boy with a really bad play (on my part lol) resulting in my 66 tripping up his pair of queens, ended up my BF, the Pink Lady and one angry lady -me - who gracefully exited in 3rd place to let Pink Lady push all in after the BF had limped on the SB with KK. Au Revoir Mademoiselle.

So onto the comp. My table had a great representation from scouse land with me, Charlie and Ian Nelson, all bantering and putting the heads away of the other guys there with the chat. Two Irish women, one who could play, one who couldn't, plus a Swede with limited English, and a French player Stefane who seemed to like calling. A lot. It's fair to say I owned the table - converstaionally anyway. I was never massively chipped as I lost two thirds of my stack in the first half hour with AA, AK, AQ and 10s - twice. Most of those hands were folded on the flop once i missed but I was battered by the Irish fishy female with my 10s, as she couldnt pass on any flop she had overcards to, whatever they were.

Anyway, I went on to make a few good plays, I also got paid nicely when a couple of hands hit the deck hard but I never had much of a stack as I was always working to build the stack back up to catch up with the others! I got back to the 6k starting stack when the AV was 6,900, and it seemed to stay like that - always just below average. I really did grind it out, not waiting just for hands but also for my chance to pick up a blind or two, but was called EVERY time by Stefane - we had a great laugh together and there was a lot of play going on, but for every pot I won, he would win the next, puttin me back where I was before.

After the dinner break they broke us up and I was moved to the table of the eventual winner, Nikolas Lesbian or something, plus Pro Liam "the gentleman" Flood. I think I played 3 hands in about as many hours. I was so card dead I had to put a mirror under my nose to check I was still breathing.
Then they moved me again, and it just got worse.

Julian Thew sat 2 seats to my right with a monster stack, an aggressive croatian on my SB who only knew two words of English - All In - and Ciaran OLeary 2 seats to the left. Then, just to rub salt into the already weeping wounds, they slot James Akenhead inbetween me and Ciaran. I'm so far out of my depth I was looking round desperately for a lifeline when I realised there were only 5 tables left, meaning over a quarter of the field had gone - but I was still there.

It gave me the patience to sit and nurse my short stack for what felt like weeks, plus I didn't have any chips to steal with so a hand of some sort was required, as most of the players would have to insta call my stack anyway on the BB. Then, who comes to the table but the French guy who I busted out of the satellite with my 66. Guess what happened? :) Yep, his KK UTG was beaten by my A10, apologies my froggy compadre.

So I had no friends or admirers on the table but I had doubled up. I sat on for another 36 hours or so until finally having to push with k9 before I got blinded away. Insta call in BB for another 16k with AJ, flop AK9, rest a blank I'm doubled up again. We're finally in the money (paying to 26) I nurse this stack like Florence Nightingale to scrape my way through, I have 59k in the SB when the cut off pushes all in for 60k. I HAVE KINGS!! I should be ecstatic but I have a really sick feeling in my gut this is going to go pear shaped. I don't need a hand! I've got here without any, I'm fine thanks poker gods, let me fold my way to victory please?

I call. I walk away from the table as I can't look. I don't need to look as a massive "Oooow" collectively comes out of everyone's mouths as the flop comes rag, rag, rag, turn - jack... river - Jack. The guy pushed with .. QJ. I'm out.

Realistically, I busted KK twice with A10 and 88 to get as far as I did, and I was always on borrowed time with never really getting over the average. That was the most solid game I have ever played, I folded more hands than i have ever managed to do before, but also outplayed strong players a few times to steal my way to the money and I was rewarded for that, so I really can't be unhappy about the bad beat. ( I did get the name and address of the JQ guy though - watch out for any post that sounds like it's ticking ok?)

So I placed 15th out of 203, i got 900 euros (but was freerolling anyway) and a couple of points which may take me up to about 3 millionth place on the ranking tables :). I'm more than happy with that. I got to meet some world class players, and some great people (these things do not always go hand in hand unless you are Julian Thew), had a free stay in a 4 star hotel, and got pissed with Padraig Parkinson so I'm chuffed to bits with the whole weekend.

NOTE TO BETFRED - You sent 6 male players over to this festival and one woman. Only one of your seven cashed. Like they say, if you need a man's job doing, send in a woman. I'm not sure if anyone actually says that or if I just made it up but I like the sound of it either way :) Now if anyone fancies staking me for the Blackpool GUKPT, main or side events, please feel free to get in touch. Quickly!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Padraig Parkinson is a very bad man. A very very bad man indeed :)

What started as a sociable drink in the bar degenerated into a full on alcohol fest, loss of memory and a vomit trail around the hotel, followed the next morning by severe DTs, double vision and empty pockets. ( The drinks were free, it was the pissed up poker that cost dearly)

I decided to play the super sat for the main event on the Friday night (e150 rebuy) after consuming half my body weight in brandy (and I'm no sylph-like lightweight) while the BF decided to drink Guiness (as usual) with whisky chasers (unheard of) in the company of hardened bar props such as Dewi James and Padraig. He did his Weebles wobble impression but unlike the Weeble, did fall down - down the ladder of disgrace, but we're speaking again now :)

The next morning, after about 2 hours sleep, we walked slap bang into Padraig again at the bar, where he informed us Dewi didn't show up for the weigh-in at 9am (the what?) so the bet was forfeited. Having no idea what he was on about ( and I'm not sure he knew either) I took a hair of the dog with him, in the form of an Irish Coffee (when in Rome and all that), and carried on where we left off the previous evening.

None of this boded well for the BF's main event, which Padraig pointed out had lost its sense of sportsmanship due to most players no longer drinking before and through the tournament. Anyway, as I would hate to be accused of not being a good sport I lined up at the bar with the other old soaks, until I forgot what my name was and went for a sleep. (Not in our room, I just nodded off at the bar for a bit.)

Meanwhile The BF crashed out of the main event with a couple of unlucky beats culminating in his AK beaten by an eyeties K10 when the K10 hit a 10 high flush (all money in on flop).

Played cash later that night and managed to get back a small percentage of my losses from the night before, but still not healthy. In every way :)

PS: On the Sunday we were making our way to the poker room when we walked past Padraig and stopped to chat until realising from the blank look in his eye, he had absolutely no recollection of who we were!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Ho ho ho?

ok we're here in Dublin for the Paddy Power Irish Festival in a really plush old fashioned hotel full of golfers and poker players, everyone here for the craic and some people obviously here for the crack as well, as I've been propositioned twice.

Not chatted up I hasten to add - oh no. Nothing as flowery and romantic as that, just two simple propositions where I took the gist to be I would exchange my bodily fluids for cash.

I'm wearing jeans ffs although I have also got the FM long black boots on which may have given out the wrong message, but tell me, how do you go outside for a fag at 3 o clock in the afternoon and get a middle aged fella shooting straight over to ask if I'm working?

The boyfriend found it quite amusing until the second guy (also middle aged - I am coming to accept i'm a limited market at my age) patted his chair as I walked past and asked me if I cared to join him and his friends. While pushing his room key across the table.

Bear with me here, the bar is filled with men - golfers, poker players and buisness men - and the only other two women in there are two prostitutes. Of that there is no doubt. So I can see the natural progression of thinking here, as men think with their dicks on most occasions. However, matters weren't helped in the least when I sat back down and one of the hookers came over to tell me I was stunning (yeah yeah I know, obviously on drugs) and that I was apparently sitting on a goldmine.

So once she had bounced over it has cemented it into guys' heads that we are bosom buddies and presumeably they all now think i'm here for their crack as long as the price is right. The BF is meant to be going to the guiness taphouse tonight for a welcome party, while I play the Super Satellite, so when he comes back I will either have won a seat for the main event, or have earned enough to buy everyone in. We shall see. :)

Hotel is lovely, I will try and take a few pictures (if I can get off my back for long enough) and post them (If I can learn how to do that).

PS: Big big up boyakasha to Betfred who have paid me into the E500 side event on Monday, on the condition I write an article on the weekend. I'm really buzzing of that as we're fully paid up til Tuesday courtesy of Ipoker/Betfred with the BF paid in for the main event, and me paid in for the biggest side event. And now the distinct possibility of earning a wedge off some fat golfers. Happy Days :( more to follow.... depending on how much I drink :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I've had a load of positive feedback from readers of this new blog since the post featuring Carla, the self appointed Queen of the Broadway. Doesn't look like any of them have been brave enough to actually put a comment on here though he he.

Met another contender for the crown of the town last night at Leos. If you haven't played Leo's cash game in Liverpool, well, what can I say. It has its regulars, a couple of whom have been there since year dot like Trevor and Ted, then you get the faces who play every week for a few months then go broke, or get shot or something. These are the people you need to play against on a regular basis if you want to make some serious dough. But only if you don't mind your money caked in coke.

I can't play cash at Leos. The game that gets me paid at Manchester and Blackpool simply doesn't work here, my only consolation is I know I'm not alone. However, I have a lot of fun there: the old school guys taught me to play at the now defunct West Derby Grosvenor, and they are on the whole genuinely good guys - if a little misguided :)

There used to be rumours that if you won at the gravel pit as it was affectionately known, and weren't a regular, you would be relieved of your winnings before you got to your car. This is so untrue. They used to actually follow you home and take your cash AND your car on your doorstep.

Anyway I sat down at cash last night, played two hands and left as the bf had just gone out of the tourny so we decided to call it a night.
first hand I played, UTG I raised the pot with 67 spades. As you do. (I need to point out here that at Leos standard play is to pot with any pr, any suited connectors and any ace. It's also standard play to straddle in any position, often resulting in a straddle of up to £200 before a card is dealt. ) mid position guy reraised called by 3 more guys and back round to me who flat called. flop 899 two spades - happy xmas. BB checked I bet the pot, knowing if I don't the raiser will and I'll have to call - I'd rather bet my flush/straight draw and have him call or possibly fold to take down what's in the middle. He reraises which puts me all in for not much more and a spade comes on the river. Nice hand.

Now we've got a new Neanderthal at the opposite end of the table who seems to be very good mates with the guy cryin over his busted Aces. I think when they are at the gym they probably spend a lot of time flicking each other with towels in the shower.
Apeman is looking at me as if I've just got up and shown him I have a penis under my skirt. Kind of disgust with a little gleam of fascination there.

He starts to make a few little comments to his mate, I'm really not interested as I don't know him and in all honesty he looks dangerous in a thick kind of way, so I stay quiet. He's not a great player but he has a wad of bent money in front of him so I know he's coming to the river with me whatever I do, so I know it's gonna have to be good to beat him.

I'm on the BB and of course he raises the pot, everyone calls giving me much more than 5:1 for my money so I call blind. Flop 972 I look at my cards and find 97s. I can't decide what to do here. I know he's gonna reraise me and I definitely don't want to scare him off with a pot bet if he has nothing, so I bet around half the pot looking him right in the eye. (The normal one, not the eye that looks over to the left somewhere) Then the plan goes a bit tits up when the guy next to me goes all in for about another £40 more, folds round to Apeman who squints at me and pots it again. I'm not scared by this as I know I am ahead, my only worry is if he has a big pair (unlikely with all those steriods) that the board may pair and it's goodnight vienna to my stack. I decide to hollywood it a bit,partly cos I can and partly cos I want to know if he has a pair of just a drawing hand.

So I'm giving it the chat - "I know I'm ahead" etc, and he's telling me I'm not while his eyes are saying I am. So I say "I really do think at this stage I'm ahead, unless of course you've flopped a set - have you got a set" Brainiac immediately says "no" , then quickly says "No you're not ahead" nice swerve. So I say "ok I know you have an overpair, maybe Jacks again, as you couldn't lay them down before to Kings, I call" They guy inbetween pipes up, what about me I might have flopped a set, so I politely point out his small side pot and tell him to shut the fuck up while the serious dosh goes in the middle.

Billybigballs turns over his Jacks (nice read Caroline ) while side pot man throws K9 into the middle. As I thought I'm ahead so the pot of over £400 still has my name on it.

Turn is a K, side pot man has a quick orgasm while Apeman is turning a dull shade of red with anger.

River is a... King. Suddenly he has kings and jacks, while I have kings and.. nines. with a sad little kicker. Apeman is still angry as he hasn't worked out he won, the dealer tells him how and he starts to insult me with eloquence and grace, telling me I wasn't ahead ha ha and how the best hand always wins. I'm ok with it - I know I made a good call in the circumstances, I read his hand correctly but I was outdrawn. I also know there's no point telling him as he won't get any of that. As we leave Apeman turns to me as we walked past and says "your fella wants to put you straight for throwing away his money like that." My fella looks at him and replies "If she hadn't had made that call then I'd put her straight. That was a no fold any day of the week " Thanks babe mwah but it does piss me off that they always assume you are playing with your fella's hard earned dosh. Makes me want to go and throw myself under a racehorse while chained to railings with my bra on fire.

Note to self: If you try and outdraw a donkey be prepared to take consequences.

Off on my hols in the early hours so unlikely to be online till next thursday night. Leave a comment if you read this. Apeman is waiting for the picture version so no worries of any comeback there :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

At least I'm consistent...

Played a little online on Sunday night, a SnG, 30 runners and came first, then a MTT $5 FO and cashed in that for the life changing amount of $35. I don't normally play freezeouts of thsi buy in range cos I'm not equipped with enough patience to cope with the outdraws. My PC isn't equipped with enough padding to deal with being thrown out of the window either. However, I was happy enough as I deliberately entered it to keep me solid after going out far too early in the last few tournys on-line, so something must have worked.

Monday I can gloss over in the way only a woman can. Yeh I played a little poker, yeah it was badly, yeah I lost. But today is Tuesday so Monday doesn't count. Right?

So back to today then - I entered the $10k gtd on Ipoker, $25 rebuy. Managed to battle past 163 runners to come 8th, for about $400. It's not mega bucks I know, certainly not enough to keep me in the style I'm not accustomed to, but the point is it's another final table, which tells me I must be doing something right. No horrific outdraws, either to me or from me tells me I played pretty solid. Off to Leos in Liverpool tonight for £30 DC if I can get round to finding something to wear. Sometimes it's hard to be a woman :)

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Cash result

Yesterday was pretty much a freeroll as I'd won the seat online for a tenner, but I still wasn't happy going home empty handed as such so decided to play a little cash.

I tend to play according to the table when I play cash, particulat somewhere new), with Liverpool being the one exception - another story another day.

So after pulling up at the £100 min sitdown, 2/5 blinds I watched for a while and waited patiently till I had a vague idea what was going on whch didn't take too long. It was a feeder table for the main cash game and was a great mix of mainly absolute rocks playing only top ten starting hands, with one complete loon calling station plus a couple of young internet boys. Found a pr of queens which doubled me up from the loon. He called my 4xbb raise with 68 flop came J 6 8, I bet the pot which left me with about £40 quid, he reraised me which I wasn't passing for £40. His 68 was left behind when a J came on turn to give me higher 2 pr. Lost half my stack with JJ to KK, then slowly worked my way up to about £600 (from £100). Then they moved me to the feeder table where I managed to lose nearly £400 with jacks to qq (very very bad read on my part - no shit sherlock) which dented my stack and my confidence. Anyway I recharged the confidence with a fag then went on to rebuild the stack to £720 with a combination of outplaying an internet boy who was scared shitless by me, river betting a calling station every time I thought he'd missed his draw so he'd fold, plus one humongously good call and one horrendously bad outdraw lol.

Too tired to drive home so we grabbed a room in the Quality Hotel round the corner for 4 hours sleep before they kicked us out at 10am for the 2 hr drive back to southport. Nothng worse than not being able to clean your teeth after a night of coffee, brandy and fags IMO.
This is Carla. I'm partaking in nicotine at the Broadway, having been on her table all night at the Betfred Ladies Tour, and we're chatting about the game. She asks if I'm playing the eve comp there £30 DC, but tells me it's full of morons. "But," she says, " You'll be alright cos you're a moron as well."

I can't disagree with that.

The irony is she then went on to tell me how she was a rock, and how badly all the other women there played because they just limped all the time. The only problem I have with any of this conversation is her selective memory that allowed her to forget this hand:

Dawn Allen raises the second hand she's played all day. Carla has already limped in so calls the raise, along with two others. Flop rainbow, Q 8 3. Dawn bets the pot. Other two fold, Carla insta calls. Turn 9, 2 hearts now. Dawn bets Carla insta calls. River J, 3rd heart possibe flush there, Dawn checks, Carla bets half the pot, Dawn folds AQ. Gooo fold Dawn, as Carla has a straight with K10, which she proudly turns over. Dawn looks back the Q83 flop and looks at Carla who says , yeh I can't say why I called the bet on the flop, sometimes you just have that feeling it's gonna hit don't you?

C'mon Carla, come and sit over here with me in the moron corner. Loads of room for both you and your ego :)

So it was a good day. I paid somebody in to this comp - she knows who she is - and she seemed to have a good day from what I saw, so as far as I'm concerned that's money well spent. It's nice to win, but with a comp like this where there is a massive social side and a fantastic camaraderie, it is genuinely good fun for most of the women to simply take part. (yeah I know you won't hear any men saying that about a comp, but it's true.)

Full respect for Malcolm Harwood for tirelessly running round sorting this comp, he's constantly getting new venues on board for the following year and tells me there will be a heat in Spain next year. He's planning a 4 day mini trip over there, with a comp the night before for everyone, followed by the Ladies event and more. The satellites on Betfred will be more frequent and with a different buy-in structure (more varied) and I believe Betfred may be adding even more money to the prize pool, so worth having a look at if you are female.

Linda Blundell went on to win the comp yesterday and I'm made up with that as she is a top bird. She might have forgotten but when we were eating a very strange soggy pasta dish in the break together, she definitely said if she won she would give me it all. Now she may try and back out of this by pretending she was actually offering me her pasta, but I'm convinced she meant to say "If I win you can have my winnings" instead of " Jesus this is disgusting I wouldn't feed it to my dog. Would you like it?" Cheers Linda, PM me for my bank details. :)

Friday, October 10, 2008

I'm playing horrifically poor poker at the moment, it's degenerated down a level from occasionally fishylooseaggressivebad, to just shit.

I seem to have reverted back to getting far too involved far too early, which I worked out a long time ago doesn't work. Sure it can get me a monster stack early (well compared to 10 and 20 blinds anyway) but I lose it even quicker. I should perhaps point out here for the unitiated - when I say 10 and 20 blinds, I'm referring to donk level MTTs, not cash :)

I don't play cash at all online, mainly due to my experiences with it when I first started playing online, back in da day at the old stalwart, Paradise Poker. I had a nice slice of money kicking around combined with dial up tortoise speed internet, add to that the fact I had no concept I was playing real people plus a large dash of non-belief. All factors combined with an end result of me taking the internet off. For a couple of years.

So once I was solvent again (I kid you not it was that bad) and I'd honed my skills a little thanks to the guys at West Derby Grosvenor I went back online but with a very different game plan. Cash was barred.

I have phases where it's SnG only for ages, then I get fed up and move to MTTs for a while. If I fancy getting my chat suspended I will hit the 7 card stud cash tables for a while (Limit poker - what's that all about?)

I think the problem at the moment is the success I've had over the past few months has made me very careless. Month by month I've picked up quite a few final tables, yes all low stakes (max £50) but the prize money in comparison to the stakes I've paid out has been a good return. The mortgage has been paid in advance, we've just fitted a new bathroom, turned the spare room into an office and we go away for an all inclusive week in the sun this Thursday. Oh yeh, and I bought a horrifically expensive pair of leather boots from Faith. Worth it for them alone.

Because we play poker as a hobby that helps with the bills, it's very easy to get complacent when you're running good. So I'm watching myself throw money down the drain making bad calls and bad plays, which makes me think I need to sharpen up somewhat!

Off to work today so no poker anyway until tomorrow afternoon when I'm playing live at Birmingham in the Betfred Ladies Tour. (See previous posts as to my level of competence at Ladies games) This will be the ultimate test for myself, purely to stay in past the second level. I'm going to write flash cards to remind myself women call, whether they have the nuts or are Ace high, so "representing" what's on the board is pointless, early on anyway. And if you think I'm being unfair - read this then decide:

Last year I won a seat for the same comp, at Napoleons. I wasn't in this hand on my table but watched it unfold incredulously (and left shortly afterwards lol) Player A raises, called by Granny B,and about 7 others as usual. Flop rags, but with a straight draw plus two hearts. Player A pot bets flop, forget exact figures but around 2k, having raised 3 BB (300) preflop. Granny B is sat there contemplating her knitting and hasn't even looked at the flop (I'm sitting opposite her) The dealer turns to her and says 2k to go. Granny looks down at her chips, asks which chips make 2k, so the dealer shows her a white chip plus 2 greens that player A has bet out, granny digs through her stack and finds a white chip and two greens. She shows them to the dealer who says that's correct so she puts them on the table.

At no point has she looked at the flop.

The turn comes and puts the straight out there with another heart. Player A bets out again, Granny follows same scenario, again looking for the exact same colour chips (I think she would have folded if she hadn't had the correct colour I honestly do). AFTER calling, she pops on her glasses to have a look at the flop, which is 9 high.
River rag heart, so now a flush out as well as the straight. Player A desperately goes all in, which by this stage is less than the pot, but still a chunky bet. The dealer turns to Granny and say "That's all your chips" so Granny obediently passes her remaining chips to the dealer, who promptly gives them back and then they go over the line.

Everyone at the table is craning their necks to see what monster hands are about to be revealed. Player A has K10 of spades (nh for an UTG raise) and Granny? Granny has Ace Jack off suit. With no heart. She wins a monster pot with ace high. In case you think she had a read or made a great call knowing player A was at it - don't kid yourself. She had AJ and the lady wasn't for folding, simple as. I think a lot of it was the dealer's fault - if she had said "2k or you can FOLD" Grammy m,ight have got out, possibly, but when the dealer asked her for 2k she was simply too polite to say no.

So this is what I'm up against tomorrow. And for a player who likes to raise with J7o it will cost me dearly I fear :)

I'll catch up here on Sunday to tell you just how painful it was. On the up side, there are a few people I'm looking forward to seeing again, so all is not lost!

Thursday, October 09, 2008

the downside of fame...

O dear. You start a blog for fun, you're happily typing away in your own inimitable fashion, laughing at your own jokes (I do that a lot - so much so I even joined a group on Facebook called I laugh at my own jokes), and you easily forget that other people can read your rubbish. Lots of people.

I only started it as I felt left out! The fella had one (it's shite don't bother ) plus loads of the guys I play online with were all blogstalking some poor unfortunate Mike Lotte so I thought I'd join in the fun.

So I'm tilting badly in a MTT so decide to stay out the action by playing an Omaha $5 HU on the side. Minding my own business, staying out of trouble till the other player mentions my blog. While he didn't say anything derogatory (that means bad for the uneducated out there) just saying he was reading it was enough to help me give him my chips in about three hands.

Even though I chose to write a blog, playing someone who can read it and therefore knows me by proxy, while I don't even know my opposition's location, is more than a bit wierd. So there's the answer to anyone who wants my chips - mention this blog for a free double up :)

i am a ranker

Wow after playing one ranked event in the GCBPTDEFG or something, I'm now ranked 12440 - in the world whoop dedoo.

My winnings, as documented for all to see on Poker Pages, now lists my winnings as $357.

I think I'd rather they hadn't bothered.

Monday, October 06, 2008

just like buses... they all come at once


Played the 10 seat gtd Ladies Super Satellite on Betfred last night and won a bloody seat again.

I really feel there must be something missing in my game that has allowed me to win 2 seats in a row in a women only comp, after me writing "I will not play Ladies only comps" in my own blood.
I've racked my brains and been over it again and again looking for the chink in my armour that caused this momentary blip, and think I've narrowed it down to two things.

Firstly, I adapted my game to play like the other women - when in Rome and all that. For instance, I limped with rag aces whenever there was a substantial raise from a solid player. If a flop came 227 I then called pot bets that clearly said "I have raised with a middle pair and you will fold now pls" Normally I would then represent the 2 or even a full house on the turn with a half pot bet screeaming pay me bitch, but I have learnt these bitches will indeed pay all the way, so I cleverly check called (sneaky hey?)and went on to ht the ace on the river. How we laughed when the initial raiser showed her KK.
I then limped with pp such as Jacks as I know if I raise they will tit for tat call with A2off, then bet small all the way as most women will see a small bet and think yes I can afford that, lets have a look at the next card. JJ always a winner against Ace high.

The second point is I had my chat off most of the time so I didn't get too carried away with trying to teach people to play, as this always proves my downfall when they prove they can play and I clearly can't. As most of my time wasn't taken up insulting other players I had to look for other things to keep me busy, such as actually watching the game.

Anyway, I won't be making the same mistake twice. I mean 3 times.

So I'm off to Brum this Saturday, then the Western on November 1st. That'll be a dear do as I can't see the other half being happy with watching me chat shit with 60 other middle agers, plus as I'll be first one out I'm bound to get re-buy happy or tilt on cash. We'll be staying over which worries me slightly as the last time I stopped in London I was barred from the Roadhouse and arrested: hopefully I can avoid anything similar this time. I suppose if I avoid the Roadhuse that's a good start.

Friday, October 03, 2008

things that come round to bite you on the bum

What a week! I spouted off here about my inability to play women only games and why I won't play them... Thursday I had a call from Malcolm "The Rock" Harwood with a very interesting offer which I was genuinely gutted to have to turn down.

Mad Marty Wilson had contacted Malcolm to offer me a seat in the Party Poker Womens Open, with $1000 of the $3000 entry fee paid for by Party Poker! For a fish like me this was brilliant news but on reflection it wasn't going to happen - as much as me and the other half live for poker we have to work to live as well, and as we only work weekends (it's a hard life lol) it was too difficult to get cover for this weekend, as we would need to be in London for Sunday and Monday.

I don't think London's ready for me yet anyway. I was born there but we moved up north when I was at school (circa pre-war era) and I think my sense of humour developed too fast for the southerners to keep up, with them being a bit slow and all that down there in the sticks.

Even though I knew I couldn't realistically play I was a bit down in the dumps yesterday as it was a first time offer for me for some serious sponsorship, so I decided to tilt off a little cash on my favourite site Betfred. I tend to always enter the satellites for the Betfred Ladies Poker Tour, only with the aim of making up numbers and generally upsetting the other players on there by heckling their every move, only to be the first player out when a spectacular bluff goes completely tits up.

I'm not sure how it happened - I must have had my chat off - but I won the seat in the Birmingham leg next Saturday. I need to seriously go over my game and find the leak in my play that allowed this to happen.

So I'm off to play with the girls next week, although I use the term "girls" lightly - have you seen some of them? There's a whole lotta facial hair going on and far too many unisex clothes. The problem with poker shirts is deciding if the wearer is male or female sometimes. (This is obviously why I wear short skirts - the lack of breasts means I have to point it out to them somehow.)

So it's not been a bad week. The other half won a $4500 package to the Paddy Power Irish Winter festival this week as well, and he's taking me along as his guest. Not that there was an option for him there.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Okay nothin from me now over the weekend as work beckons and off I trudge with a weary heart. Friday morning I whizz up to Blackpool for the weekend where i run a bar. Most of you would probably love it as it's a topless bar under a lap dancing club but me, I can't be arsed with the dramas of I can't work because my false eyelashes fell off, OMG someone hid my top, I'm so pissed I'm gonna be sick in this ice bucket behind the bar, the doorman said he loved me but now he's nobbing my mum etc etc.
The pay is great and it's only till the season ends so don't pity me too much lol

... and no, I don't get my tits out.

Bridgnorth poker in the pub with a difference

Dropped in at the Gala GBPT in Liverpool last week for the £100 FO and managed to go in as an alternate, never have over 10 BB and still final table. Admittedly I went in there with two BB and came straight out again with 10th place, but a result's a result. Was on table for most of the night with Steve Holden (check out his blogspot steveholdenpoker.blogspot.com) a pro player I have met a couple of times before and harassed unmercifully online previously.
We met at Leos in Liverpool the first time last year and my first impression of him was (wrongly ) that he was very arrogant. The irony here is as he pointed out to me, his first impression of me was seeing me ask a 16 stone skinhead drug dealer "WTF do you think you're looking at baldy..." so maybe it was the reaction to my behaviour that I could see reflected in his eyes :). I then kept coming across him in the same satellites online (he plays as avillan on Blue Sq) and with my bravery knowing no boundaries behind the safety of my PC monitor, I regularly abused him and took the piss on every move he made.
We ended up HU on a $2.50 mad satellite where the first prize was a full package for the GUKPT and fair play to him, when he whupped my ass he didn't gloat. (He didn't really need to as he had the seat and i had nothing but five hours of my life I could never get back :( )
Bumped into him in Bolton but this latest Gala was the first time I really spoke to him, rather than at him, and had a rethink on my snap judgement - strangly it's usually right but I'm willing to admit I made a mistake once. Just once mind.
Anyway, there's a point to all this. I'm getting there but as it's not exactly earth shattering I'm sure you'd rather read all the incidental shit around it as you obviously have nothin better to do right now.
Okay, so Steve mentions this satellite for a Womens' Open on Sep 24th in a place called Bridgnorth, which I'd never heard of, run by Mad Marty, who I had heard of. He sent me an email the next day and I figured I'd make up the numbers. My only worry was had I been invited as the token fish, and of course when I found myself sat next to Sally SAS, I realised yes, he'd invited us both to make up numbers with proper players. Then the game got underway and I was even happier to find we were all fish and it was just another typical ladies game... :)

Small aside her - I swore after playing a Womens' comp at Star City I would never play another women only game. Apart from winning a seat in the Betfred/Rock Poker Ladies Tour, I never have done, and there are reasons for this.
It's not that I think I'm better than the other women at my table oh no, it's just such a completely different game to normal poker. No really - womens poker is not normal poker. Rarely do you see a sign of aggression, everyone just calls and limps and it kills me because I have poker ADD. If it's not going on for me I have a compulsion to make it happen, regardless of what cards I may hold. Now I can get away with this in a normal game but put me with a group of women who only play pictures or top ten hands and I'm fucked every time. I represent the straight or the flush beautifully, my body language is doing full reverse psychology designed to make them think I have it in my hands, the board says quite clearly get the fuck out with your top pair and then I hear those gut wrenching words - I think I'm behind.... As I'm 9 high obviously their A3off is good (they hit the 3) and I'm history.
I realise a better player would adapt their game to suit... I don't even pretend to be that player. Sit me down at a table of women and I self destruct in about 4 hands, depending on the starting stack size. I know this makes me the fish, not them, but I'd rather be the guppy at the cash table with the blokes than the battered cod chatting shit all night.
This is the other killer for me - table talk. I was given sit out penalties at the Crown Casino in Oz for my table talk as it was upsetting the guys there, but table talk in a womens game consists of two types only. Type A is no chat whatsoever other than "Nice hand - unlucky". Type B consists of "well when I gave birth to Daniel I had 48 stitches" to which my reply of "Does your perineum look a bit like a Cornish Pasty now?" goes down like a lead balloon. Type B chat throughout the game about birth stories, pregnancy tales and amusing anecdotes about how many times their child threw up last night. I can see what went on cos you still have some on the shoulder of your Laura Asley dress love, I dont need the details.
ok my comp startin, Pick your own GUKPT, back shortly. probably very shortly :(

Monday, September 22, 2008

in the beginning....

I was asked tonight, just before I crashed out of a tourny in my usual inimitable style, had I a blog. I didn't - but I do now! It's been a long time in the making: 40 yrs give or take, but as I am the funniest woman this side of Watford, possibly, I thought I should share my scintilating poker stories with my poker buddies. And anyone else lucky enough to know me.

I've been playing poker very badly for about 3 years now, and playing moderately good poker for about the past year, allowing for the moon and my menstrual cycle of course. When I first started I truly believed I was the dog's gonads and had no concept of anything better out there than my top pair. The only thing that stopped me going broke early on was the ability to outalk anyone in the hand, as well as a very long pair of legs. If all else failed I found leaning over the table in a short skirt usually diverted attention long enough for me to plan my next move. If that failed, I'd take my knickers off in the loo and try again. I had to stop that when we played at Rileys Snooker Hall and someone attempted to pot the brown.

My other great strength, as well as my mouth, is the ability to build a monstrous stack early on and donk it all off in 3 hands once the blinds get serious. Playing tight is so rarely an option that when I tried to join Rock Poker online I was refused on the grounds Trading Standards may sue. If I don't play every hand people prod me to see if I'm awake. I'm also very good at talking people into calling when I want them to fold and vice versa, which is possibly something I need to look at.
Anyway, enough about me - let's have some more about me.