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Taller than most. Louder than most.

More layers to my personality than an onion, peel me and I could make you cry.



Thursday, September 25, 2008

Okay nothin from me now over the weekend as work beckons and off I trudge with a weary heart. Friday morning I whizz up to Blackpool for the weekend where i run a bar. Most of you would probably love it as it's a topless bar under a lap dancing club but me, I can't be arsed with the dramas of I can't work because my false eyelashes fell off, OMG someone hid my top, I'm so pissed I'm gonna be sick in this ice bucket behind the bar, the doorman said he loved me but now he's nobbing my mum etc etc.
The pay is great and it's only till the season ends so don't pity me too much lol

... and no, I don't get my tits out.

Bridgnorth poker in the pub with a difference

Dropped in at the Gala GBPT in Liverpool last week for the £100 FO and managed to go in as an alternate, never have over 10 BB and still final table. Admittedly I went in there with two BB and came straight out again with 10th place, but a result's a result. Was on table for most of the night with Steve Holden (check out his blogspot steveholdenpoker.blogspot.com) a pro player I have met a couple of times before and harassed unmercifully online previously.
We met at Leos in Liverpool the first time last year and my first impression of him was (wrongly ) that he was very arrogant. The irony here is as he pointed out to me, his first impression of me was seeing me ask a 16 stone skinhead drug dealer "WTF do you think you're looking at baldy..." so maybe it was the reaction to my behaviour that I could see reflected in his eyes :). I then kept coming across him in the same satellites online (he plays as avillan on Blue Sq) and with my bravery knowing no boundaries behind the safety of my PC monitor, I regularly abused him and took the piss on every move he made.
We ended up HU on a $2.50 mad satellite where the first prize was a full package for the GUKPT and fair play to him, when he whupped my ass he didn't gloat. (He didn't really need to as he had the seat and i had nothing but five hours of my life I could never get back :( )
Bumped into him in Bolton but this latest Gala was the first time I really spoke to him, rather than at him, and had a rethink on my snap judgement - strangly it's usually right but I'm willing to admit I made a mistake once. Just once mind.
Anyway, there's a point to all this. I'm getting there but as it's not exactly earth shattering I'm sure you'd rather read all the incidental shit around it as you obviously have nothin better to do right now.
Okay, so Steve mentions this satellite for a Womens' Open on Sep 24th in a place called Bridgnorth, which I'd never heard of, run by Mad Marty, who I had heard of. He sent me an email the next day and I figured I'd make up the numbers. My only worry was had I been invited as the token fish, and of course when I found myself sat next to Sally SAS, I realised yes, he'd invited us both to make up numbers with proper players. Then the game got underway and I was even happier to find we were all fish and it was just another typical ladies game... :)

Small aside her - I swore after playing a Womens' comp at Star City I would never play another women only game. Apart from winning a seat in the Betfred/Rock Poker Ladies Tour, I never have done, and there are reasons for this.
It's not that I think I'm better than the other women at my table oh no, it's just such a completely different game to normal poker. No really - womens poker is not normal poker. Rarely do you see a sign of aggression, everyone just calls and limps and it kills me because I have poker ADD. If it's not going on for me I have a compulsion to make it happen, regardless of what cards I may hold. Now I can get away with this in a normal game but put me with a group of women who only play pictures or top ten hands and I'm fucked every time. I represent the straight or the flush beautifully, my body language is doing full reverse psychology designed to make them think I have it in my hands, the board says quite clearly get the fuck out with your top pair and then I hear those gut wrenching words - I think I'm behind.... As I'm 9 high obviously their A3off is good (they hit the 3) and I'm history.
I realise a better player would adapt their game to suit... I don't even pretend to be that player. Sit me down at a table of women and I self destruct in about 4 hands, depending on the starting stack size. I know this makes me the fish, not them, but I'd rather be the guppy at the cash table with the blokes than the battered cod chatting shit all night.
This is the other killer for me - table talk. I was given sit out penalties at the Crown Casino in Oz for my table talk as it was upsetting the guys there, but table talk in a womens game consists of two types only. Type A is no chat whatsoever other than "Nice hand - unlucky". Type B consists of "well when I gave birth to Daniel I had 48 stitches" to which my reply of "Does your perineum look a bit like a Cornish Pasty now?" goes down like a lead balloon. Type B chat throughout the game about birth stories, pregnancy tales and amusing anecdotes about how many times their child threw up last night. I can see what went on cos you still have some on the shoulder of your Laura Asley dress love, I dont need the details.
ok my comp startin, Pick your own GUKPT, back shortly. probably very shortly :(

Monday, September 22, 2008

in the beginning....

I was asked tonight, just before I crashed out of a tourny in my usual inimitable style, had I a blog. I didn't - but I do now! It's been a long time in the making: 40 yrs give or take, but as I am the funniest woman this side of Watford, possibly, I thought I should share my scintilating poker stories with my poker buddies. And anyone else lucky enough to know me.

I've been playing poker very badly for about 3 years now, and playing moderately good poker for about the past year, allowing for the moon and my menstrual cycle of course. When I first started I truly believed I was the dog's gonads and had no concept of anything better out there than my top pair. The only thing that stopped me going broke early on was the ability to outalk anyone in the hand, as well as a very long pair of legs. If all else failed I found leaning over the table in a short skirt usually diverted attention long enough for me to plan my next move. If that failed, I'd take my knickers off in the loo and try again. I had to stop that when we played at Rileys Snooker Hall and someone attempted to pot the brown.

My other great strength, as well as my mouth, is the ability to build a monstrous stack early on and donk it all off in 3 hands once the blinds get serious. Playing tight is so rarely an option that when I tried to join Rock Poker online I was refused on the grounds Trading Standards may sue. If I don't play every hand people prod me to see if I'm awake. I'm also very good at talking people into calling when I want them to fold and vice versa, which is possibly something I need to look at.
Anyway, enough about me - let's have some more about me.