catch up time

Haven't posted for ages, mainly because i had a major case of CBA. So much going on elsewhere, so little time!

I could run over the poker related stuff from the past few months but largely still suffering from CBA, so won't go into detail.

News In Brief...

Won package to IWF, won large amount of cash on first day there which paid for entry to all side events but didn't place any of them. No shocks there. Couple of interesting interludes included being fraped by 2 and a half men ( the half was paul jackson's lad, ben) and potential child abuse by me to a very young French man. He spoke no English, I spoke no French, we got on great.

Won satellite to Palm Beach 1k game in London Mayfair hotel, got a lift of Paul jackson there and back and bubbled a saver for £1500, food and drink was free, total profit £1500. I need more nights like this.

Was sponsored into the Genting Player's Championships at Star City by BankRoll Supply, stuck the BRS badge on my front lady garden for my own entertainment, waiting for stubble to stop scratching. Again, no result there (other than the free Brazillian NB nothing to do with above frenchman)

What else? Oh yeah, doing okay in Monday night Vegas league, our team - the Knit Squad - been in the top 10 all the way and mostly in the top five 10 weeks played 6 to go. A couple of weeks back i had an email from Genting's gary Oakes telling me i was third individually in the league, but guess what? yep, no cash for that either :(

Off topic but amused me highly - played a side event at Blackpool GUKPT, was at bar when Jake Cody - won some big game somewhere - approached me and said "are you caroline Cove". I found this vaguely ironic as surely it should have been the other was around, but it turned out he had heard about Marc railtard Wright calling me a transvestite, which resulted in a few choice words on FB and me offering to stick my cock up his ass, balls deep. Cody liked that. Of course, I then stuck on my status that Cody had approached me and said he'd like to bash the Granny out of me or similar.. Cue Cody on chat - turned out he'd had a few drinks and was worried he might have actually said it!

Now, back to my favourite topic - moaning about other people.

Played at Manchester G last night, as I do regularly. they start cash games around 4pm every day and they often prove pretty good value. When I sat down there was an empty chair next to me with all the chips piled up so I asked who was sat there. On of the regs said "a very lucky lady" while his face said "fishing calling station twat". Turns out I read that completely right...

She sits down and proceeds to limp into every pot. Any raise, regardless of position or the amount, she calls. She folded to ONE raise only, when she was in the SB and a reg raised, folded round to her and she folded 99 face up as she said there was no value there. However, she called all other raises despite lack of value, so I can only assume she is either a. doing him or b. wants to do him.

So a reg, Matt, on my left gets into a pot with her. he has 2 pr, she has a 6 high flush (she can't miss a hand obv). She plays it in her normal style of no-nonsense check calling all the way, with a long pause on river before finally calling while sighing. Matt declares 2 pr and turns his AQ over. She nods at him, as if he's good then says" I've only got a small flush." Now in circumstances like these I think the dealer should be entitled to say " a small flush? oh well then that's no good, 8 or better flushes accepted only, sorry" and then muck her cards, giving her a paper cut on her thumb as he snatches them off her. It's only fair.

So onto my hand - as obviously I'm only setting the scene to vent my outrage at a hand involving me - i'm on the button and there's been a straddle for four quid. Three callers later and the pot is up to 19 pounds with the blinds, I shove on the button with £55. All i want is the 20 quid, I don't for a second think i'm getting a call from any of the limpers apart from her, but I'm assuming even she can't have anything she wants to call £55 with when she's only put £4 in so far.

Oh silly me.

She huffs and puffs for a bit, looking under the table for value and in her granny pants for inspiration, and finally utters the immortal words "Oh I know I'm behind but I'll call" and does so.

Flop A A J.. 2 7. I turn over kq and declare king high. She nods and says yes, good enough. Well fuck me.

Then she slowly turns over a King and says she had kicker problems.... just as the dealer is stacking up MY chips and sliding them over to me, she flips over a Jack. Then "realises" she has two pair - aces and jacks. How we laughed.

I left shortly afterwards as i was concerned i may bite her head.

I headed over to Bolton G where i made myself feel much better by winding some lad up so much I actually wanted to hit me myself. He was the usual resident pro, called everyone else's cards, usually after seeing them, told everyone how they couldnt have had a set as they wouldnt have played it like that, made bad calls simply cos he couldnt fold and then said they were hero calls, unless he lost in which case he couldnt get his cards in the muck quick enough so he could lie about what he had. You know the type.

Anyway, his word of the night was "polarised". After he said it for the fourth time I bit. The conversation went like this:

Me: So what does polarised mean then>
Pro: Erm well its when you have two hands that couldnt be more different.
M: Oh right so if i go home and look in my dictionary that's what it will say?
P: well, no it's probably not actually in the dictionery
M: so you just made it up?
P: no, it does mean that, its just not in the dictionery
M: so did you make it up?
P: No. I just
M: you just made it up?
P: no it means that if you have one hand..
M: ..on the dictionery? will i find it there/
P:it just means..
M: ..that you made it up?

and so it continued.. the dealer was crying laughing, the rest of the table were just bored wating for the dealer to start dealing again and the Pro was ready to slap me. If I'm honest, I was so annoying I really can't blame him, I was even annoying myself. Anyway we got into a hand shortly afterwards in the blinds, i caught two pr on the river and knew he would pay me off, little bit of betting and more chat from me, and the guy says "I'm making a hero call (he really did say that) as I don't think you have anything" and called, I slapped over my 2 pr and smiled at him really sweetly while he showed his pair of threes. No words were necessary.