gobshite on legs

2011-04-06T04:55:00.000-07:00

I doubt many readers will remember a classic kid's book, Pollyanna by Eleanor Porter, where you had to play the "Glad" game.. no matter what happened Pollyanna (an annoyingly positive little chit) would try to help people find the positive side: something to be "glad" about. You know - my house was just flattened by a Tsunami. Cool, you needed to decorate anyway, now you can nubuild etc.

I read this book at an early age and no matter how I tried to fight it I think her refusal to accept bad news affected me from that day on, and I do believe it's what has got me through some pretty tough times over the years. I could have rolled over and given up so many times but I pick myself up, dust myself down and find something positive to focus on, and whether you believe in it or not, it does work. Positive thinking applies to poker - of course it does: if you are waiting for that one outer on the river after you flopped the nuts it always comes. Law of sod an all that.

If you are thinking positively other players at the table pick up on it without even knowing what they are feeling, other than that you are strong. So it doesnt matter whether you have a straight flush or 8 high, if you are giving off that strong, positive image it helps a hell of a lot. (Unless they have a Royal, in which case you're fucked)

But this post isn't related to poker today. An hour ago I was bawling my eyes out like Pollyanna's Aunty (you have to read the book!) but common sense combined with my indomitable sense of survival have allowed me to see the good news from a doctor's appointment this morning.

Friends know I've been having some tests recently as I've basically had a cough since Xmas, plus been pretty run down and feeling generally crap. I have had something called pernicious anaemia for 10 years now, which although I have monthly injections, it can still make you tired so i hoped it was this.

But I knew it wasn't. I smoke pretty much 60/80 cigs a day and I'd be pretty stupid to think a 3 month cough wasn't related.

So a week ago some bloods came back that said the anaemia was at an all time low, which I'm having some extra treatment for, so that explains why somedays even getting out of bed is a chore. But today my X rays came back and the doctor confirmed I have something called COPD.

Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease is the full title, basically it's lung disease and yes it is caused by smoking. I have tenatively googled it and I'm probably not ready to read most of the stuff when google returns "COPD - the final stages" and it isn't a film title. I have to go back for some breathing tests and we go from there. Treatment will involve loads of cardio vascular excercise (I don't even run after a £50 note if it blows away), inhalers, change of diet, change of lifestyle blah blah and obviously no cigarettes.

BUT ... here's Pollyanna...

Two lots of things to be very very "glad" about:

Firstly - depending on how bad it is, it may be able to be reversed, or at least stopped at this stage before it gets worse. This is MASSIVE. I currently can't breathe well at all and it's terrifying so to think that I might have a chance of actually turning this round is like a golden carrot dangling in front of my donkey nose.

Secondly, and this may sound like an If and But.. I DON'T have lung cancer. Obviously this was my biggest worry. Yes COPD is pretty bad but I have a chance of fighting it, a good chance I hope. I'm not sure how positive I would have been if faced with the news it was cancer, and it was what I was dreading.

So I need to concentrate on learning how to get better for a while. I won't be ruling poker out, but it will have to be controllable hours such as cash rather than too many late night tournaments as I need to give my body every chance to recover or at least not get worse. Plus it's a really good reason to Hit n Run - Oh I just won a big pot, I have to go, I have lung disease, okthankxbye ;)

Anyone know much about this disease? If you have it or know someone who has it (preferably still alive ffs) send me an email 2009cal@live.co.uk. Could do with a bit of moral support and/or advice x

2011-04-01T04:49:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation recently that highlighted why certain women shouldn't play poker.

Women are generally regarded as calling stations, albeit usually calling with the nuts, whereas a woman with a bit of game in them is generally regarded as anomaly. Certain games bring these women out to play en masse, such as the Betfred Ladies Tour and the Las Vegas team Challenge on Encore/Genting. It was at the final of the latter that three such ladies who limp were on a table with Paul Jackson, who told them if any one of them managed to pull off a bluff he would have sex with them, although he disguised the offer well by saying he would buy them a drink.

Similar to myself, these ladies were all of the age where they know a drink isn't coming their way without having to work for it, so they all legged it to the loo to adjust their Tena lady pad in case they pissed themselves with excitement and returned ready to battle.

Unfortunately, none of the three Musketeers (or should that be Moustachentears) could pull it off (which I think Paul was relieved - or not - about) and at the break they all retired to a coven to discuss tactics, which is when I made the mistake of joining the conversation.

One of them was explaining to me that Paul had said he would get her a drink if she managed to make a play. She then explained to me how

"I've been limping in every hand, and calling every raise hoping to hit something but have had to fold each time. As soon as I hit something I'm going to prove to him that women CAN bluff."

Now then. Is it just me or is there something fundamentally wrong with every word of this sentence?

Of course there are some cracking women players out there, and I don't mean just on a pro level: I play certain girls on a regular basis who I know are perfectly capable of outplaying most of the men on their table, but women like the ones in the story above let the rest of them down.

I've met some amazing women through poker, mainly through Rock Poker when I first started playing, and I'm proud to count some of them as very good friends. That's why I was very very sad to hear of the untimely death of Kendra Agnew, who died last week aged just 21 years old. I only met Kendra a couple of times, but knew her mum Paula from the RPO/Betfred Tour: the whole family played poker, including Granny, and they were all great fun and top ladies. Kendra suffered from illness for years and never whinged or let it get her down, supported by her mum who took it all in her stride and had the kind of relationship with her daughter that I strive to have with my daughter. I can't begin to imagine how she feels right now but my heart goes out to her. There's quite a lot of the Rock Poker ladies going to Kendra's funeral to show our respects and support Paula, and all I can say is RIP Kendra Agnew x

If Carlsberg made retards...

2011-03-24T15:44:00.000-07:00

Manchester. Picture the scene. It's the £50 F/O donk fest at the G casino and a player has raised mid position, followed by calls from three players after him. I call with 79 in the SB.

The poker gods decide to reward my out of position call against a total of 6 players by flopping me a full house. Yes - 7 7 9. I bet this every day of the week cause I know I'm getting paid and sure enough I'm called by just the one player, the one who raised first.

Turn is a beautiful Ace. I'm loving this cause I now think i check as if scared and you know the rest. But when I check the OR checks as well.

The river is another ace.

I check and the OR bets out fairly weak. Now here's the bit I shouldn't be admitting, but as I have less shame than Jordan here it is.

Obviously I'm fucked here by the river. But in my head - where there is a hell of a lot of empty space - I was ahead. (Explanation to follow, bear with me, it's good )

So I reraised him. He flat called me (obviously the guy could only have been scared of quad sevens to have not put me allin here lol) and turns over AQ - obviously he now has the better full house. BUT...

I cheerfully turned over my now defunct 97 and asked the dealer what he was doing as he pushed the chips over to the winner - which wasn't me. Everyone - even the girl who had never played before - all looked at me as if I was mad (and what?), and the dealer quietly pointed out to me that the guy with the AQ had the better full house.

How we laughed!

Well, they did anyway. I just cringed for quite a while and "made my way over to the cash table".

I really can't defend myself other than Ive been playing so much hi/lo on Stars that I really did believe he only had trip aces PLUS I am thinking of other things at the moment - crappy defence but really is true.

That doesn't make it acceptable mind you! A bad workman blames his tools, so I clearly will blame myself - the biggest tool of all.

Played cash for a brief time and my heart wasn't it, then that fit guy who put me off playing in the last post bounded in looking pretty hot again so I raised with 8d2d flopped a flush draw on a j hi flop, other player also missed his flush but as his was the ace high draw it was enough and I couldnt get in the car fast enough.

One more lesson for the little notebook - Don't play poker when I have stuff on my mind. Especially if like me your mind is tiny and can't deal with two things at once :(

Get a lot of test results back early to mid next week so will know a bit more about my health worries after that, so can hopefully relax and play the Blackpool Deepstack without having to do the walk of shame after demanding my two pair beats a flush or something equally embarrasing.

As an aside -Facebook just gets randomer by the day: since changing my name to Cougar on there I get about 3 requests a day from people called Samir and Abdabwah, none of whom have any friends in common with me. I've realised I'm not so needy as to want these randomers on my page so flick the Not Now button, but every so often I get a request from someone I don't know but we have loads of poker buddies in common. Yesterday I get a request from someone, who although I don't know him, I know of him through other mates so I know he actually exists, rather than the botched stalker attempt someone tried at Xmas, so I accept but sent a message saying "Thanks for the ad, but we havent actually met have we?" I get a message back today saying "I can't believe you don't remember me, surely you werent that drunk?" I'm sure he's joking but I'm just off to trawl his pictures in case I had a brandy blackout at any time recently! Think it's time to change my name again - suggestions please? Be nice...

Doom switch?

2011-03-21T06:16:00.000-07:00

I've only recently started to play on Stars as I'm comfy on iPoker with all the other fish. In January I began playing single table Sit n Gos in Omaha H/L and found them ridiculously soft - as long as you can dodge the mentalists it's pretty easy to cash, at this low level anyway.

Now I never check my stats online. Ignorance is definitely bliss and all that. But at a cash game in manchester last week someone I was sat next to brought up a stats site to check on another guy we were playing who was telling us all how good he was online presumeably to compensate for the fact he was bleeding cash live). Of course he asked me what my online name was and I told him - I had no shame admitting how bad I was online when sat next to him with over 1k in £50s at the time.

My tourny stats were still on a downward spiral due to all the UKIPT sats I had been a seat filler in, but my SnG graph was shockingly good! The lines were going up instead of down and it was blue not red, which was definitely a first. I was so chuffed I went home, fired up the laptop at 4am and promptly crashed out of seven games immediately.

Anyway, I've perservered with them, and stuck with low stakes 8 Game to stop me from getting bored and actually managed to cash out yesterday - only £400 but it's still better than depositing. I would have had more but a Blonde member sat at my table put the notion into my head to enter one of the Stars Sundays, where I was chip leader for about a nano second, then I was out.

I left about £100 to continue playing with and a few people said to watch out for the doom switch now I'd cashed out. Now I've put this to the test before on iPoker and personally don't believe in it for a second. I know exactly why I lose any balance straight after withdrawing a decent cash and it's nothing to do with a little switch that makes all my nut hands lose and fish catch one outers on the river against me. It's purely down to how I play. Whether its me playing too tight or too scared as I don't want to lose my remaining balance and have to redeposit, or whether its just that I got lucky to win a chunk and normal service has been resumed, I know I've never managed to cash out again a week later.

However, time to try and put that right, I'm going to rename the doom switch the self detonate button and NOT press it this time. (That sounded pretty convincing right?)

The Vegas league has started up again on Poker Encore and we played the first game last Monday where I managed to come a very credible 6th overall out of about 180 players I think. This time you can play Monday or Thursday and your highest placing goes towards the points: I didn't think I would improve so decided to go out and play cash on Thursday night - wish I'd played the League instead or even just stayed in and darned socks.

I don't normally play Thursday night and had been doing a favour for a mate on Thursday afternoon so went straight to the casino looking like a tramp. Not a sexy style tramp but a wino swigging smelly type. Played cash before the comp started, which I wasnt planning on playing anyway, and was happily slumped in my chair wearing a massive jumper which makes me look like the honey monster plus some old leggings with a hole in the crotch so I have to remember to keep my legs crossed, when a guy came in who I hadnt seen for ages. He came over to say hello and I remembered firstly just how much I fancied him and secondly what a trog I looked like. I turned into a proper girly girl and decided to go and play the comp to get away from him as being flustered isnt a state I'm comfortable with, and ended up balls deep in a shitty ten pound rebuy that I would have had to come first, second and third in to get my money back.

Somehow managed to tighten up after the break and found myself on Raf White's table as we played to the bubble, where Raf told me how much he enjoyed my blog,and how he laughed every time he read it as each comp entry ended with "as I made my way to the cash tables".

Obviously I bubbled, courtesy of Raf when my J10 soooted failed to hold against his inferior raggy Ace, so guess what? Yep, I made my way to the cash table....

Like a masochist I took the only seat available next to the guy I have a crush on and did in about £700 playing like a twat. Great night all round really.

Anyway plan for the week this week is the Vegas League again tonight followed by the comp at the G Tuesday night. Back to basics on the cash and stick with what has been working for the past three months - take a set amount, decide how many buy ins and leave if it's not happening. Oh yeah, and play better.

My daughter is off to to see a band on Weds night in Manchester and I'm the taxi, which makes me quite sad as live music has been a massive part of my life and I feel really old that I'm dropping her off at a gig and not going myself. Feel very tempted to pop down to Jillys/Rock World by myself and have a mad session before it's time to pick her up but I'm not sure this is documented anywhere in the responsible parent handbook.

Weekend after next is the Blackpool Mega stack organised by a good mate Rick Gilby, with Martin Devlin and the AWOP team. I won a seat on Encore for a tenner, but had to save it til this month due to it clashing with Luton last month. My mum goes back to Australia again in two weeks so I'll be limited to play live much after that.

One last thing that I'm really not looking forward to - I have to stop smoking. I have an appointment next Monday at a Smoking Cessation clinic and after that, I'll be a Non smoker. I don't have a choice as it's a health issue and I'm glad in a way as I have wanted to stop for ages - well that's a big fat lie actually, I enjoy every single fag I smoke pretty much, but I don't want to die before my daughter grows up, so given the choice, smoking is no longer an option.

I only mention this because I think I may well be pretty bad company until the cravings stop, so you have been warned - bad beat me at your peril ;)

2011-03-12T15:04:00.000-08:00

I knew the day wasn't going to go so well once I realised I was wearing my 14 year old daughter's knickers.

Had a quick shower before heading to Manchester UKIPT for the £100 side event, got dressed in a rush as usual and drove off, thinking maybe I was just feeling a bit constricted after being in my loose pyjamas all day. Hopped out of my truck at the casino and nearly tore myself in two.

Hobbled in late for the comp and found my seat. Looking round the table I realised most of the kids there were probably the same age as my daughter and had a furtive glance to see if any of them were Cougar material, but mostly could only see some sort of massive headphones and shades comp going on.

Played first hand J10 on button in a 5 way pot and managed to bully the original raiser to checking down the turn AND the river with the nut flush on a J high board, which felt like an achievement in itself.

Second and last hand I find AA UTG. Blinds 25/50 I have 4300 chips left from a 5k starting stack.

Raise to 125 UTG. Called by guy to my left who has played precisely one less hand than me. Yep, a rock in a field of pansies. The flop comes 3d 10s 4d.

I bet out 300.

He raises me to 2000. I look at the flop and 100% know this guy has called my raise with a pair of tens. He's not repopping me with a flush draw, he's raising with his set because he doesn't like the flush draw and he wants to take it down there and then I assume.

I look at my two black Aces. I turn to the granite guy and say "You have a set of tens don't you?" He says maybe.

So after my soul. read I took the information he had given me, blatantly ignored it and went allin.

He had a set of tens and me covered. GG.

So that's the game reads coming along nicely: maybe a small step backwards in the folding department and a learning curve that is starting to make concentric circles.

So, off to the cash tables, where things improved. Couple of funny hands: an 11 year old boy comes to the table and raises his first hand havin sat down with the table max 300. I'm sitting on the button with j9 off and about £145. The game hadnt been going for long but I was firmly entrenched as table captain and wasn't prepared to relinquish my hold until I was showing a decent profit. (I sat down with £50)

So i popped his £12 raise (blinds 1/2) with £25 on top. He looked a little stunned, I think he was expecting resistance from the two Scandies to my left but had already written me off as a seat filler. Obviously I'm working the woman image and know he will assume I am raising with a premium hand so I figure I can take it down on most flops. He calls, and the flop comes 9 high, which gives me the added bonus of having actually hit something to carry off a C bet with conviction.

Ive about £100 behind he checks I give it a bit of chat and bet £47 clearing pointing out theres no room for folding in my stack and he passes. I flip my J9 and say "I bet I was ahead pre flop as well wasn't I" and he asks the dealer to flip his mucked Jacks over... Still can't decide who looked more stupid - me or him.

I only played a few hands and won pretty much all of them until I raised with 68 suited. The flop came down K68 and I bet straight out after the other four in the pot had checked round to me in the cut off. One caller, UTG a guy who hasnt played many hands post flop and has come across as weak rather than solid. He has about £120 behind after making the call, I'm up to around £350. Turn is a 5 and he checks, I bet out again for just over half of his stack and he sits forever before slowly sliding the lot over the line. I call, last card dealt and it's a 5, which I think has killed my two pair as Im assuming its now given him Kings and 5s.

Yeah my hand was dead for sure - he's filled out holding 56. Hmm.

Anyway ended up about £100 up on the whole night as in got my buy in back from the comp and paid for my food and a round of drinks for Dan Owston/Alex Martin etc, so on reflection was a pretty good result as the drinks alone were about 3 zillion pounds. The Owston Martin is much more expensive than the similarly named car, and possibly even smoother.. Just need to remember to keep my daughter's laundry separate from mine in future so I can move in my chair without feeling like I've just sliced through my butt cheek.

The next day I popped back up for cash and managed to cash out £1230 but was in for £800. Does that mean I'm horrendous or really good for being able to grind it back? Answers to someone who gives a shit - I got my dough back and I don't care.

First table was just sick, enough to make you give up poker and hurt people who shouldn't be allowed their own wallet, never mind allowed into a casino with other people. There was a clear no-fold policy across the board, regardless of pre flop action, regardless of what was on the flop - just regardless of anything. Guy to my right was a local who everyone says is "good for the game" Sigh How I hate that expression.

He called allins FOUR times, for amounts ranging inbetween £120 to £250 on flops with a middle pin and got there most times. Probably the best example was a flop of Ac 8d 9d with about £60 in the middle. He called a pot bet from the original raiser, with another two players behind. The turn was a Ks and he then called off £210 in a 3 way pot. River was a brick and he declares 10 high.

He flips over 10c 6s. He had NO chance of getting there as one guy had 10J and the other guy had a low flush draw: the 10J guy had a less money and so the 10 high won the side pot and he was chuffed to pieces as there was no comprehension in him of how much he'd lost in the main pot.

Eventually, after a really weak lad told me I shouldn't raise but just limp in like everyone else was doing, bearing in mind to him AJ was the holy grail, I decided to move to a different table and finally my game got going.

One slightly horrible incident where I'm having a bit of banter with a guy and ask him his name: he says something like Alyoysius and I started to laugh which I felt was a fair response as he was joking right? Nope, he was actually named after his Dad who had only just died. I only found this out AFTER he had shouted a bit and stormed off.

All joking apart I really felt low: bearing in mind I've recently had to live through my own dad's death and knowing just how much of an all time low I'm still struggling to get through, I actually felt like crying for being so crass. I left the table and went to find him to apologise and bless him he accepted it like a gent but I didn't feel any better :(

However, started to feel a lot better sometime later when I sucked out on someone after we got it all in on a flop of 578 with me holding 66: 10 on the turn gives him a set of tens but the 4 on the river sealed the suck out deal for me.

Left about 3am and nearly popped up tonight (saturday) to play the £300 side event but decided to take my daughter out shopping on the Sunday instead, which should prove much more profitable in the long run: just need to make sure any underwear we buy is clearly marked "Mum" and "daughter".

The mental Age of Aquarius..

2011-03-02T14:50:00.000-08:00

I have an amazing capacity to make a complete tool of myself with minimal effort.

Whether it's falling down a flight of stairs in a packed bar, breaking a heel at the start of a night out, saying the wrong thing just as everything goes quite, insulting people's parents tofind out they were orphaned at birth.. it never ends.

Years ago a mate and I were driving to the Lakes for a night out (we'd outstayed our welcome anywhere more local obviously) and we got lost on the unlit country roads. We chanced upon a patrol station and I bounced in partially dressed in a clubbing outfit to ask the guy there for directions. I told him we were looking for Windermere and he told me how to get there. As I left he called after me "Aquarius?"

I turned back to him, genuinely mystified and said "Wow, how did you know my starsign?" He looked at me like I was simple and said "No, Aquarius is the name of the club at lake Windermere. I assumed that's where you were headed".

This is just a small sample of some of the frankly retarded things I can do but I thought I had improved, like wine, with age. Nope, I'm still a Lambrini obviously judging by what I did at the G last night.

The Tuesday night comp has antes kick in at level 3 so you have to get chipped up pretty early to be able to play any kind of game so I sat down to find k10 sooooted, which i raised with and got a call from both the blinds. I was obviously planning to C bet it whatever came but as a bonus, the top pair was a ten, on a flushing flop. Decided to take it down straight away by betting 700 into a 900 pot. The small blind looks at his cards again, then looks back at my bet and says "Caroline what are you doing?" I look down to see I've managed to bet 7k instead of 700 into, into a 900 pot. My starting stack was 10k, so ive just committed my whole stack on top pair in the first hand, which I probably could have taken down - I'm guessing - if the small blind hadnt flopped a set. GG.

The only bonus was getting settled into a decent cash game early, which I eventually left cashing out £365. This slightly made up for the insta loss of £50 in one hand in the tourny.

Lesson firmly learnt - check what chips are what denomination in future!

Off to Luton in the morning to do live updates on the English Deepstack - Follow them on Blonde Poker Forum.

2011-02-28T01:42:00.000-08:00

My cat lies languidly at the foot of the stairs, secure in the knowledge that as I descend I'm going to twist myself round and use the banister to jump off the last step rather than stand on her. She's so confident that she doesn't even bother to look up as I come down, no matter whether I'm trying to manouvre past her with two loads of washing or rushing to get my daughter to school.

Now if the roles were reversed - as I often sleep on the bottom step - I wouldn't move either. However, not being blessed with that level of security, I would be sat bolt upright, bristling and ready to fight. There would be eye contact all the way from the top step, leading to nose to nose confrontation, a short tussle and inevitably, me losing my throne. My cat is pretty hard as felines go.

So, imagine me sitting at the bottom of the steps holding AK... same result. I'm ready to fight to the death. Only the cat is holding AA of course - I'm relegated to the hallway - same result.

It's not that I like the hand - in fact it often makes me want to just fold preflop in an unopened pot - and I don't think I'm necessarily ahead when it's in my hand. It's just working out how to play it that defeats me.

If I limp or call a raise with it I inevitably end up folding on a 9 high flop, If I raise or 3 bet with it I again inevitably end up folding on a 9 high flop. If I get it all in pre I find I'm either up against a pair and don't hit, or up against a pair, I hit and they make a straight or a set. I think the best way to play AK for me personally may be to just fold it pre and move on :(

I said at Xmas I was going to concentrate on tournaments to try and improve my game, or even to try and find a game somewhere inside me. I've been working hard on developing a more sensible table image, (which can be ruined somewhat when i find someone who knows me at the same table,) attempting to play stronger by 3 or 4 betting in position/against a player I have some tells on, as well as folding hands I would previously have got all my chips in with (and lost). Course I still have temporary lapses of concentration - otherwise known as Tilt - but overall I'm seeing an improvement, judged mainly by my finishing position.

Last week I actually managed to make a few min cashes, which gave me a massive confidence boost, including a live 4 way chop for £400 each, an online win of 820 Euros and a satellite for a seat at the Blackpool Megastack. Ran pretty deep in a number of other comps, mainly satellites and won a few stage 1/2 sats into bigger comps including the Ipoker £200K gtd, which I played last night and came about 500th out of 1080 players... played with air for most of the game and when I finally got hands was out instantly, AA followed by JJ, goodnight.

Haven't played much cash as for various reasons havent got up to Manchester, although had a bit of fun at a local casino in Liverpool and a very drunken session at Star City in Birmingham, where I cashed out over £400 and only just broke even :(

Poker has taken a bit of a back seat for the past few weeks as I've been pretty busy trying to sort out other aspects of life, basically trying to get a bit of order into what has been a pretty disorderly mess for a while. As well as this business with soliciotors that is dragging on and on, I've had to sort out estate agents regarding my house, have meetings with a nightmare tenant and her family, wind up my business from the pub, sort some stuff out at my daughter's school, oh yes and try and decide what I'm going to do to actually make a living - no big deals. However, most things pretty much done and dealt with now, so I'm looking forward to getting in a few more live games and cash sessions, with positive results of course.

I'm off to Luton on Thursday to do updates for Blonde Poker Forum at the English Deepstack, and to meet up with a couple of people for a night out while I'm there. If it's anything like my last poker night out at Manchester GUKPT, I'll be happy! It means I miss the Stoke monthly comp but I'm hoping there will be compensations in one form or another - hopefully from a cash table where no-one knows me!

Shut up or put (your name) up.

2011-02-02T16:18:00.000-08:00

I tend to leave all comments on my blog, bad or good, because if anyone can't find the spine to pubish a derogatory comment under their own name, how can you take them seriously?

The way i see it, they are reading MY blog, so there must be something here for them. If they've come on to have a pop I have to assume that a. they are not brave enough to do so in real life and b. they are interested in my life because they don't have one, which makes them feel they have to say something negative.

All hits, that suits me.

I logged on now to update the blog and saw a comment "anon" had left about the Blonde updates being great - hooray - but my poker being shit - boo.

True though.

Ive been playing really badly for ages now for a variety of reasons really I guess. Since I decided not to do my bollocks in online and try to play more seriously, Ive lost loads of the little game I had. Previously where there was no thought process at all, there is now too much, and I'm playing really weak.

Still thinking on that one - I know I want to learn to play tournaments well but I'm so conscious of this that I'm not playing at all.

Cash games not a problem. Presumably it's because I can reload? Or maybe because Ive stuck to what i said at Xmas - playing cash only within my comfort zone, which I know is 1/2 at Manchester G. It's not even as if I always know the players, I don't, I just feel I have a good record there which gives me confidence whoever is sat at the table.

Last 6 times I've played cash at the G I've cashed out up. I've stuck to my plan of only taking a small roll with me and leaving after a few hours rather than before when every note in my house went into the purse and I'd stay til it was time to do the school run.

Having said that, it hasn't been that much fun, although last night went some way to making up for it.

Sat down at a new table with £50. Young blonde lad with a permanent sniff is sat two seats to my left. First few hands he's talking shit and I'm zoning him out cos i know he's the type that will get to me and Ive learnt giving money to people that annoy me isn't the way forward if I want to sleep that night.

He limps UTG and a few people call round to the button, a guy called Billy who raises. Sniffy then slams his stack into the middle shouting AALLLIN. YOU KNOW WHAT IVE GOT FELLA, YOU KNOW IVE GOT EM!!

People in Birmingham knew he had em he was that loud. Of course theres still 4 people inbetween him and Billy and one of them is sitting thinking. Sniffy's still shouting so I said listen lad there's people still to act in my best scouse accent. He looked at me like I was retarded and said yeah but Ive got em!! I'm like so what u dont want paying? Shut up and let the others decide - anyway the other guy folds Jacks while looking for a Fold Of The Century certificate - and Billy calls with some connectors or similar. Aces hold up and Sniffy shoots his load, while telling me he wasn't lying, he really had em.

I pick up A9 on button into a multi limped pot as per usual, flop comes AA4, checked round to a short stack who shoves £23 in.Sniffy leans across the table and starts counting out loud. He's not counting 1.2.3.4 etc he's doing some mental - and I mean mental - arithmetic under his breath that involved Pye and more. Eventually I say "What are you doing?" He looks at me pityingly and says "I'm working out if i have pot odds to call. Don't you use pot odds?"

I call across to Billy "what are pot odds Bill - you heard of them" Of course he straight faces it and shakes his head, so i mumble on about the only pots I know of being the ones in the kitchen when I'm cooking and ironing etc" and dickhead eventually folds, saying as it was only 23% he couldnt call. No I don't know what he meant either.

I say "I have an ace but i dunno if ive got pot odds, I'll take me chances", and of course I win the hand, everyone's laughing and Sniffy says "why are you picking on me? I havent done anything to you"

Well I don't like to lie so i told him. You're a cock. This went down as well as a lesbian with ten coldsores, and he got really stroppy. He marched off to meet a man from Bolivia and came back ready to scrap, tellin the guy inbetween us how people like me always came unstuck and how he was going to wait til he had a hand and trap me. Oh Boo hoo hoo.

So I find a raggy ace of hearts in the cut off and limp in with him and the rest of the super passive table. Flop comes 689 hearts. I would normally bet out here to get paid if it comes but I figured if i showed strength too soon I wouldnt get him.

Turn is a 2 hearts and Sniffy Bets out £20. I flat call and everyone else folds. river is Qs and he makes a big deal of looking at his cards and looking at me then eventually bets £40. I'm thinking how much I can get out of him, so I figure he'll call a small raise and bet £40 plus £45. He then thinks for a bit, snorts a quick line and raises again, another £90, leavin himself £80 behind.

I'm convinced my ace is good but do have a moment's thought as to whether he has a straight flush. So I ask him, upon which he then flashes me the 10 hearts. As soon as he's done that I know he hasn't got it so to wind him up some more I ask the dealer if his hand is now dead as he showed a card. Dealer doesn't know what day it is on her planet so Billy joins in the fun and says he thinks i should get a ruling. Greg the manager pops over to tell us Sniffy's hand is live but he cant raise now, he can only call. So I put him all in and he says call.

But he doesnt put his chips over the line and won't turn his cards over.

He's gesturing at me to flip my cards, so I ask him, are you calling. He cant actually speak but nods so I say well put your money in the middle then, until eventually the dealer takes his last few quid and puts it over the line. I showed my hand and he mucked and left leaving a trail of white powder behind him.

So he trapped me really well. Remind me not to go on any survival course with him that involves catching anything in order to eat please.

Blonde updates were great fun and judging by the feedback I had, they were also well received. Made a big mistake on the Friday night when I forgot I wasn't 21 and ended up out on the piss with 5 lads whose combined age wasnt as big as my shoe size. Still held my own on the alcohol intake, and didn't disgrace myself too much... apart from maybe when I got involved in a "who has the biggest tights on" competition while still in the casino. I won obviously when I managed to pull my crotch over my head. Only thing I regretted about the whole night was not getting a dance in the strip club.

Ended up back in the mal maison drinking some vile thing out of the mini bar - vodka an cranberry from a tin - and got a cab back to the casino after no sleep. Other than having the shakes all day and nearly vomiting onto my laptop once, it went okay.

Big bonus in that it may have led to other related work, was approached by a couple of people who have similar work for me and also had a casual meeting with a couple of guys about a possible sponsored team: they mentioned it to me a few weeks ago, and if it comes off, I'll be playing some decent events for very little input, so fingers crossed on that.

It's my birthday on Friday (yay!) and a mate has given me a seat in the Stoke 150 on Sunday as a present, which is a lovely gesture. I'm out on the Friday night with some non-poker mates, which in itself will be a change from the norm so I'm really looking forward to that, then off to UKIPT at Nottingham the week after. So many Facebook buddies are playing UKIPT I think it is going to be very very messy, so maybe I won't actually play and just go for the social side -I reckon this Big Tights comp could run and run.

View from the other side of the table?

2011-01-23T14:18:00.000-08:00

This year's GUKPT kicks off in my favourite casino, Manchester G this week, so you'll find me there most of the week.

If this sentence has just made you reach for your Ipod to make sure it has fresh batteries just in case you are unlucky enough to be on my table, panic not. I'm not playing.

It's much worse than that guys. I'm doing live updates for Blonde Poker forum, so no one will be able to escape the Mouth, whatever their seat draw.

For anyone who doesn't know, I was a journalist for many years, but moved into the licensed trade with my ex when we got together. Although I'm still in the pub game, in partnership with a friend at a local bar, I decided this was the year for me to get back into the only thing I do well. Unfortunately the sex industry is a dying trade, so decided to go back to writing instead.

A few phone calls later and I've managed to secure some freelance work with a local online news site as well as some occasional work from a national poker magazine. The chance to do the updating for Blonde is icing on the cake for me, as it will give me a chance to see how it works from the other side of the felt as well as provide networking opportunities aplenty. I might even get a shag - Remind me, which casinos is Plinton barred from again?

To be honest, I've a lot to live up to as previous updaters have been as dry as the proverbial nun's crotch, and my humour is slightly more.. shall we say.. obvious? But it won't hurt those Blonde boys to get a different perspective on life, to see the other side of the clunge so to speak.

So there won't be much on here this week, but you'll be able to keep up with what's going on with me by looking for all the ( locked ) threads on Blonde from Thursday :)

DTD £300 -£100000gtd

2011-01-09T05:13:00.000-08:00

Whizzed off to DTD yesterday for the £300 I satellited into via Poker Encore for the grand total of zero pennies.

Had a chat with a friend the night before to identify where my weak points are in MTTs, so felt I was at least going to the tourny with a positive head on and a plan, rather than just making up the numbers.

Much good that did me in the end.

Didn't get too involved to start with as my cards weren't too inspiring so it gave me a chance to get an idea of how people played on my table. The table was a good mix, with a couple of old school rocks, couple of good players, two complete novices and one dreadful player who really thought he was great (not me obv - difference being I am not male)

Distinct lack of cards meant i was into level 3 without having made much of an impact, and with my starting stack pretty much intact. Raised with 9 10 mid position and got just one caller , a guy called Neil (?) who I've played before at DTD and know vaguely from Blonde Poker. I know he's capable of calling with any two just to float me - he's just decimated a solid player's stack with the mighty Jack 2 - so when the flop comes down 9 high I'm 100% sure I'm ahead. I bet 600 into the pot of 1000 he raises to 1600. Had a quick think and make the decision he would be raising me here with any underpair, a straight draw or just air and distinctly possible he has the same hand as me. Board is 945. Iflat his raise.

Turn is 4. Slight scare card as more than possible he's gone ahead now. I check, he checks. River is a queen, which bothers me a lot less than a smaller card. I check to see what he does and he bets just over 3/4 of the pot. Knowing his style of play, the size of the bet made me think my 9 10 was good, mainly because if he had the 4 he wants paying so he bets smaller surely? I can only put him on a busted straight draw so I call and he mucks. Not a monster pot or massive play but one I was happy with because I thought it through based on all the information and won, which is what I'm trying to improve on. Most of my tourny chips are usually lost through not looking at all of the information there.

Found KK a few hands later, raised same guy calls me. Flop 334. I bet about half the pot, he flat calls. Goingback to knowing his calling range I have a little bit of dread that he has 35 or 34 (he wouldn't have made the call with ace 3) Turn is a blank. I have a think and decide if he has a 3 he will be trying to milk me with small bets, but if he has me on AK/AQ he will probably try and take the pot down if I check (he doesnt have a big enough stack to make me fold if he pushes after i bet so I think a check is more likely to get him to push allin) I check, sure enough he shoves for about 5k,I snap call and he flips 77, my Kings held, again I was happy with my way of thinking and the end result.

Still not sure I'm folding KK there if I do think he has a 3, but luckily didn't have to put it to the test :)

Then the wheels fell off. Raised with 88 into an unopened pot, one call from guy who has just sat down at the table. I don't know him and don't know how he plays. Flop 9 7 2 two diamonds. Bet little over half pot (1100) to see where I am and he snap reraises me to 2500, leavin himself 6k behind. I can only put him on a flush draw with maybe kq diamonds or top pair with A9. Idon't think he has an overpair as i felt he would have reraised preflop, and can't see him callin with 910/97 etc when he hasnt played a hand on the table and doesnt know what anyone else is playing like. Maybe this is just what i wanted to believe :(

Turn is a 2 which IMO helps me, I check he checks, river is an 8! I'm thrilled! It's the 8 of diamonds as well so if he's flushing he's about to give me all his chips, and if he does have ace 9 he is also about to give me all of his chips! Sigh. I bet 2600 and he shoves the whole 6k in, I can't call fast enough and yes obviously to everyone else he has 99 in the hole.

I was gutted that I never considered the possibility of 99, and pretty pissed at myself that I didn't consider it.

A guy called Matt joins my table who I know only through the Vegas online league. He plays hands, but is also capable of making moves when the opportunity arises. After a few orbits he raises my BB, having apparently just folded QQ the hand before, so he says, when a paired board got very busy with two other players before him. I know when he loses a pot he works hard to get chips again, so it's possible he is trying to rebuild. Everyone folds round to him and I find 1010 so reraise him, from his 600 to 1600. He then shoves allin for another 5k. Bit of chat and he basically all but tells me he has QQ, and even calls my hand, telling me I have 10s. I'm angry with myself for this hand because my gut instinct was to fold but I made the call out of stubborness. I knew he had an overpair to me but still called. He had Queens.

So I'm down to well below average, I try and stay out of trouble for a bit but my cards aren't getting any better and I don't want to blind away waiting for hand only to be too short to defend it/get paid.

Raise with 89 in cut off shortly afterwards, 5 callers. Respect.

Flop 7 10 7. Worst player at table bets straight out. Previously on a board of 445 he had a 4 in the SB and checked it so I'm confident he has the 10 this time. I flat call, rest of table folds, turn is the 6 to give me the straight. He bets small again ( basically when he is fishing a draw or has a weak hand he bets small but then calls massive raises lol) so I shove. Having watched him make horrendous calls all day long I know he won't pass and sure enough he makes a crying call and asks me if i have a 7, I say "what, you don't?" and show him my straight, he shows ace 10. I'm back in the game ;)

But not for long... Table dynamics changed rapidly with new players coming hard and fast and I had to fold a number of hands preflop to 3/4 bets and on the flop when i couldnt hit a barn door. Eventually go out when bad player number 2 raises on the button as he has done many times with FA. I call with k10 spades in sb, knowing how weakly he will play the flop and confident I can take the pot off him. One other caller is Mr Nofold from the hand before. Flop is 9 high with two spades, I check, Mr NoFold checks, button bets out. I didn't stop to put him on a hand or think about mr Nofold, I shoved the lot in with my flush draw which is exactly the kind of play I was aiming to stay away from. No fold snap calls my allin :( then button insta reraises allin :( :( i think I'm coming third... Mr No fold has JJ, button has.. a set of 9s. turn is yet another 9 to only give him quads.. I don't wait to see if my flush comes or not, that would just be rubbing salt into the wound.

At least I had plenty of time on the two and a hlaf hour drive home to think about where it all went wrong...

Highlight of the day for me was winding up Pete Linton, which did keep the happy thoughts flowing all the way home.

If you don't know who he is, he's probably the most unpopular guy in British poker, which is some acheivement. I ripped the piss out of him in Blackpool a couple of years ago and he was stunned, as he likes to be the nastiest twat at the table and was shocked that someone - particularly a woman - could take that away from him and in turn redirect it AT him. I had forgotten all about it until the last DTD when he was moved to my table. I vaguely smiled at him thinking I had prob met him before somewhere and he put his hand up into my face and shouted "I am not even going to speak to you, I find you abhorrent, if you even know what that means".

Lucky I had my Tena Lady firmly in place as I pissed myself laughing at the nobjockey who was so obviously wounded by what had been said two years before that he'd learnt a new word and waited to use it on me.

I thought it probably looked like point scoring to tell him I had a post grad in English and Journlism, so instead I just called him a lanky cunt. Easier to keep it at his level.

So yesterday I'm at the bar before we started playing and looked round only to catch his eye. He physically jumped! I have no idea why, as I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a cougar crush, but when we were seated I realised he was sat on the table on the level above me directly in eyeshot. He glanced round and again caught my eye so I gave him my best beaming smile. His eyebrows did some mad kind of body popping caterpillar move and he spun round in his chair to ignore me. But, like a car crash, he couldn't stop looking round and every time he did I was ready for him with an enormous smile like a village idiot waving from the yellow bus. To make it more fun, I told all the other players that I was winding Pete up, and as at least four of the guys on my table thought he was a wanker, it was quite a popular pastime. Pete would look round, I'd beam at him and wave and my table would crease up. Highlight for me was when I mouthed Happy New year to him, as I waved and smiled: with his eyes goggling out of his head his hand involuntarily moved and to his obvious horror he found himself waving back at me with a twisted smile that clearly showed how painful the interaction with me was for him.

I am abhorrent ;)

It's a step in the right direction

2010-12-29T13:50:00.000-08:00

Okay so I said satellites online and live cash in my comfort zone boundaries.. Off to a good start, although it has only been three days...

Monday night I remembered i had won a freeroll on Poker TGF (Karl Mahahahahalaharotenfloz's site) for £25 satellite to the DTD £300. However I had forgotten I was also meant to be working. I emailed Karl (he is listed as poker support on my email, poor guy) but couldn't transfer it to next week so decided I would take the laptop and try to play it if the bar was quiet.

Got off to a flying start in every way as i opened my car door, slipped on the ice and fell flat on my back, half under my own car, laptop upside down in the snow. I was more bothered about the pc which turned out to be fine, which was more than i can say for my left leg which has a bruise the whole length of my shin where i must have smacked it on the underneath of the car.

Anyway eventually got to play tourny as town was dead. We actually shut before the satellite finished, which left me sat in the window of a freezing cold empty town centre bar, with randoms walking past occasionally and banging on the window shouting Billy No Mates at me.

Two seats up for grabs, ended up with three of us, a guy I didn't know who kept sitting out and Tim White, a student who has "Possibly the worst poker player ever" listed as his job on facebook. Pissed it obviously :)

So I'm off to DTD on January 8th for the £300 with Michelle Bricknell, meeting a few others there and having a laugh and hopefully a bit a result to start the new year in nicely. I am the eternal optimist if nothin else.

Popped up to Manchester G again last night for the £50 freezeout, a comp that gets busier every week: 161 runners last night, which considering Bolton had their 3 day festival on, is pretty good. I felt I played quite well: I knew after the fourth level it turns into a bit of a crapshoot so was determined to get some chips to be able to defend/play. Had 46k when the average was 23k and found Jacks in early position in an unraised pot. Raised just over 2.5 bb (blinds 600/1200) and short stack next to me shoved for about 11k total, called and he turns over AJ, one live card that of course comes on turn. Could live with that, shit happens, very next hand UTG find QQ.. same raise, shove by under average player (not just his chips, i'm referring to his ability) has about 12k total, i don't feel I'm behind for a second and he shows me ace 10 off, which of course matches the ace that comes on the river.

He was made up with himself which led me ask "What did you think you were beating with ace 10?" to which his reply was "what do you mean? I don't have to be beating anything - I had an ace."

The table broke at the same time as my spirit which was a relief as I think if i couldnt have made him cry verbally I definitely would have kicked him in the bollocks.

Got it all in later with 99 to suck out against aces which made me feel better - guilty but better - then committed myself with AQ and had to call against AK with the few chips I had left. No river joy for me and i was out in 40th place.

The two lads i had come with were playing cash at at £25 sit down table. I'd deliberately not brought much money with me as I didn't want the opportunity to play cash colour my judgement in the tourny as it usually does, but I decided to sit down with £25. The table vibes were poor and there wasnt any money on there as it had just opened, so i moved to a £50 table 1/1 blinds with £29. Cheeky I know, but that's how I roll ;)

Two hours later I cashed in £480, which although not my best cashout at the G, certainly the best in terms of initial starting stakes.

Freaky stuff on the home front - went out this morning to pick up any little presents that my dog may have left in the garden and found the small shovel i use for this job has disappeared. It was there yesterday in the usual place but is now nowhere to be seen. On top of that, one of urns that had flowers in from dad's funeral has been smashed as well. The back garden is pretty secure, you would physically have to climb a five foot wall to get in and the house wasn't broken into but I'm a little freaked out that someone maybe had a nosy around, particularly as I had told over a thousand people i was off to Manchester by the medium of inyourfacebook.

Working all weekend with the New Year festivities so probably wont be playihng out much now til DTD the weekend after, apart from the Vegas League game on Monday night, and any more satellites that grab my attention.

Happy New Year and may all your dreams come true in 2011

An epiphany just before Epiphany. Bah Humbug.

2010-12-26T05:53:00.000-08:00

Christmas was unique for me this year for many reasons, mostly centering around it being the first one without my dad, well actually the first one without anyone at all.

Back in May my mum and I clubbed together to buy Dad flights to Melbourne just before Xmas, and my brother (who lives over there ) got him tickets for the Ashes. He was so excited and happy I can safely say it was his best ever birthday, which considering it was his last goes some short way in making things better.

Anyway he ended up fast tracking himself into the clouds instead of waiting for Singapore Airlines so a few months later Mum is persuaded to go over to oz herself for Xmas. By this stage she was beyond a mess, she's probably had it the hardest as on top of losing her husband and whipping boy of 40 odd years, she then had to cope with the stunts my ex decided to pull, and i think if the doctor hadn't finally got her onto prozac she may have just gone over the edge. My brother suggested my daughter go over with her, which naturally she jumped at the chance of four weeks in the sun instead of the snow, so with my work commitments and various menagerie I was left Home Alone.

Initially I thought I would be working in the pub, but after I couldn't get the rent deal I wanted with Enterprise I gave my notice, which thanks to my solicitor, ended up as a very good deal for me. Probably the only good thing that has actually happened in six months so I reckon by law of averages i must be due a break shortly!

Obviously I had to work out my notice period so starting looking around for what to do next. Briefly considered playing poker, then put down the crackpipe. Then an opportunity came up where i was offered a full partnership in a bar back in my home town, which is only just starting now, so hopefully that will be my 2011.

Anyway, inbetween leaving the pub and moving to new place, I'm staying at my mums, which I now know was probably the worst place I could have been, as all over the festive period I get to be by myself surrounded by photos and reminders of my Dad. It's been emotional, as they say.

Now, when I plan to go out to play poker I know I'm going to have a great time. I appreciate the better the time I have, the worse for the other players on the table, but hey, life's a bitch and so am I. But Britain being covered in snow put the stoppers on that - where I am is one of the worst hit areas, bizarre because we never even see snow - so I have been pretty much tied to the house.

When the ex was on one I used to end up donking off all my money online as it was a release and it was horrible to realise I'd been doing it again, horrible because I don't want to play like that anymore, and horrible as I realised and finally faced up to just how shit the past few months have been and how unhappy I am. Realistically, the only time I play relatively well is in online satellites (I have no idea why) plus online games where I know other players, like the league game I'm in, and live £1/£2 Texas cash games, but only if I have my full concentration head on.

Faced with that knowledge, and backed up by stats, I'm going to have some sort of back up plan in place for when I try and take a seat on any Omaha table, or any online MTT that isnt a satellite or a freeroll. Other than getting a carer or a strait jacket I reckon the best idea is to stick it on here so I can reread it to remind myself next time I go to hit the deposit button.

Incidentally, when we packed up everything in the pub, I found the ex's GUKPT trophy behind the bar. Despite everything that has gone one, I didn't feel i could throw it away as it's probably his greatest achievement in his life and ultimately, whatever I feel about him, it's wasn't mine to chuck away. The two mates who were helping me pack both knew him and one of them suggested giving it to a mutual acquaintance who goes to his local casino each week.

I forgot all about it until i found out that when she gave it to him (subtly, in front of only about the whole packed cardroom) he then sat her down and apparently told her "the full story". Apparently the story has now changed and not only did i spend all of the money each week from the pub takings, but apparently I also spent all of his winnings. Fuck me i would LOVE to have spent his winnings! £57K, I could have had a ball! Unfortunately, as we were on and off for the whole time after he won Walsall until we split, I never got the chance to get my grasping fists on any of it, mainly because he wasn't living with me, as everyone who knows us knew about and by the time he came back, coincidentally as I opened the new pub, he had already done it all in all by himself, mainly from two visits to DTD where he wanted to play the bigboys and got his ass spanked, and online playing cash and WSOP satellites. That's why he had to sell his 21k motorhome for 16k two months after buying it. GG 57K.

I've never been a bitter person, I'm very much one for dusting myself down and getting straight back on with life, but to find out four months later he's still playing the victim to strangers is a killer, when I know who the real victim was for four years. I can't lose any more sleep or keep making myself ill thinking about this: as I enter the New Year I'm not prepared to have this over me like some massive albatross. Friends and family have told me to rise above it but my levitation skills are wearing very thin. I'm getting to a stage where I'm close to telling strangers exactly what really happened, but then I remember the things that went on that were so personal and I know I'm not going to do it. Pride's about all I have right now and I'll be fucked if i let some twisted midget rip that out of me now like he did for so long while we were together.

Deep breath.

On the up side - I knew there would be one somewhere - I have tenatively made some new friendships over the past few months, with people I think will turn out to be good friends. I am trying to be a better friend to people already in my life, although this past week I have mainly been not answering my phone. facebook is a funny thing, obviously most people on my friend's list are acquintances and poker buddys that I don't really know, but have had a few chats with relative strangers that go a long way to keeping your head straight. There's a guy there who lost a child this year, I've only met him once, but when I'm feeling low I remind myself what he's been through and how he seems to be coping and it somehow puts it into perspective. Another couple of people I only knew to swap hellos with have chatted a bit in depth on there, and again, what theyve been through puts me to shame for being sad.

Is it easier because it's not face to face? For me it is, for sure, I'm great at dealing with mate's emotions and bad times, but when it comes to my own I just want to be by myself.

Staying on topic but veering to the left, I think I'm the target of a prop bet with some 3rd generation players... but if I'm not, then I apologise to the young (very very young) man involved. :)

I'm braving the ice today to drive to Manchester to meet a couple of mates, Ravy Singh and jay herbert, to play the £100 FO. I only really got to know Jason in Ireland this year and IMO he's a good guy. He involved me as part of a group when I was alone, having just split with ex, and made me feel part of it all, without in any way making me feel uncomfortable. His mate ravy and me have had a few fun pots on the cash table together, which has resulted in him no longer wanting to sit down at my table lol. Can't remember if put on here already but i think the best result was a pot for a few hundred pound that was won at showdown by me with 10 high.

Looking forward to what will hopefully be a good night out, to chase all of the Xmas blues away.

Merry Christmas x

catch up time

2010-12-17T16:04:00.001-08:00

Haven't posted for ages, mainly because i had a major case of CBA. So much going on elsewhere, so little time!

I could run over the poker related stuff from the past few months but largely still suffering from CBA, so won't go into detail.

News In Brief...

Won package to IWF, won large amount of cash on first day there which paid for entry to all side events but didn't place any of them. No shocks there. Couple of interesting interludes included being fraped by 2 and a half men ( the half was paul jackson's lad, ben) and potential child abuse by me to a very young French man. He spoke no English, I spoke no French, we got on great.

Won satellite to Palm Beach 1k game in London Mayfair hotel, got a lift of Paul jackson there and back and bubbled a saver for £1500, food and drink was free, total profit £1500. I need more nights like this.

Was sponsored into the Genting Player's Championships at Star City by BankRoll Supply, stuck the BRS badge on my front lady garden for my own entertainment, waiting for stubble to stop scratching. Again, no result there (other than the free Brazillian NB nothing to do with above frenchman)

What else? Oh yeah, doing okay in Monday night Vegas league, our team - the Knit Squad - been in the top 10 all the way and mostly in the top five 10 weeks played 6 to go. A couple of weeks back i had an email from Genting's gary Oakes telling me i was third individually in the league, but guess what? yep, no cash for that either :(

Off topic but amused me highly - played a side event at Blackpool GUKPT, was at bar when Jake Cody - won some big game somewhere - approached me and said "are you caroline Cove". I found this vaguely ironic as surely it should have been the other was around, but it turned out he had heard about Marc railtard Wright calling me a transvestite, which resulted in a few choice words on FB and me offering to stick my cock up his ass, balls deep. Cody liked that. Of course, I then stuck on my status that Cody had approached me and said he'd like to bash the Granny out of me or similar.. Cue Cody on chat - turned out he'd had a few drinks and was worried he might have actually said it!

Now, back to my favourite topic - moaning about other people.

Played at Manchester G last night, as I do regularly. they start cash games around 4pm every day and they often prove pretty good value. When I sat down there was an empty chair next to me with all the chips piled up so I asked who was sat there. On of the regs said "a very lucky lady" while his face said "fishing calling station twat". Turns out I read that completely right...

She sits down and proceeds to limp into every pot. Any raise, regardless of position or the amount, she calls. She folded to ONE raise only, when she was in the SB and a reg raised, folded round to her and she folded 99 face up as she said there was no value there. However, she called all other raises despite lack of value, so I can only assume she is either a. doing him or b. wants to do him.

So a reg, Matt, on my left gets into a pot with her. he has 2 pr, she has a 6 high flush (she can't miss a hand obv). She plays it in her normal style of no-nonsense check calling all the way, with a long pause on river before finally calling while sighing. Matt declares 2 pr and turns his AQ over. She nods at him, as if he's good then says" I've only got a small flush." Now in circumstances like these I think the dealer should be entitled to say " a small flush? oh well then that's no good, 8 or better flushes accepted only, sorry" and then muck her cards, giving her a paper cut on her thumb as he snatches them off her. It's only fair.

So onto my hand - as obviously I'm only setting the scene to vent my outrage at a hand involving me - i'm on the button and there's been a straddle for four quid. Three callers later and the pot is up to 19 pounds with the blinds, I shove on the button with £55. All i want is the 20 quid, I don't for a second think i'm getting a call from any of the limpers apart from her, but I'm assuming even she can't have anything she wants to call £55 with when she's only put £4 in so far.

Oh silly me.

She huffs and puffs for a bit, looking under the table for value and in her granny pants for inspiration, and finally utters the immortal words "Oh I know I'm behind but I'll call" and does so.

Flop A A J.. 2 7. I turn over kq and declare king high. She nods and says yes, good enough. Well fuck me.

Then she slowly turns over a King and says she had kicker problems.... just as the dealer is stacking up MY chips and sliding them over to me, she flips over a Jack. Then "realises" she has two pair - aces and jacks. How we laughed.

I left shortly afterwards as i was concerned i may bite her head.

I headed over to Bolton G where i made myself feel much better by winding some lad up so much I actually wanted to hit me myself. He was the usual resident pro, called everyone else's cards, usually after seeing them, told everyone how they couldnt have had a set as they wouldnt have played it like that, made bad calls simply cos he couldnt fold and then said they were hero calls, unless he lost in which case he couldnt get his cards in the muck quick enough so he could lie about what he had. You know the type.

Anyway, his word of the night was "polarised". After he said it for the fourth time I bit. The conversation went like this:

Me: So what does polarised mean then>
Pro: Erm well its when you have two hands that couldnt be more different.
M: Oh right so if i go home and look in my dictionary that's what it will say?
P: well, no it's probably not actually in the dictionery
M: so you just made it up?
P: no, it does mean that, its just not in the dictionery
M: so did you make it up?
P: No. I just
M: you just made it up?
P: no it means that if you have one hand..
M: ..on the dictionery? will i find it there/
P:it just means..
M: ..that you made it up?

and so it continued.. the dealer was crying laughing, the rest of the table were just bored wating for the dealer to start dealing again and the Pro was ready to slap me. If I'm honest, I was so annoying I really can't blame him, I was even annoying myself. Anyway we got into a hand shortly afterwards in the blinds, i caught two pr on the river and knew he would pay me off, little bit of betting and more chat from me, and the guy says "I'm making a hero call (he really did say that) as I don't think you have anything" and called, I slapped over my 2 pr and smiled at him really sweetly while he showed his pair of threes. No words were necessary.

New plan of action required

2010-09-26T11:52:00.000-07:00

okay i bounce through satellites like Tigger on crack, never failing to get a seat if i put my mind to it. BUT come the event I win a seat for I play more like Eeyore, and that's on a good day.

Prime example yesterday, the Liverpool Circus £250, 10k starting stack with 40 minute clock - loads of time, loads of chips.. Now no excuses - well maybe only a little - but it's not been the best week for obvious reasons and i was dreading going to the circus, which is my local, after the ex having got in there before me, plus the delightful shite all over the internet last week from him.

Normally I would happily go to poker by myself - much easier when you're first out :) - but my she-balls seemed temporarily lodged in my throat making it difficult to speak or eat. i'm not the kind of person who finds it easy to ask anyone for help, especially emotional support, but i figured it was time to ask someone to come with me as I just couldn't do it. so i fired off an email (verbal contact not possible due to the gonad throat condition) to two girls who I count as good poker buddies, both of whom i trust completely and both of whom knew a little of what had been going on before the ex imploded last week. Both of them stepped straight up the mark for which i thank them both as it was a hell of relief when they didn't tell me they were busy washing their hair.

Cut a long story short, a group of us all headed in together which was i think the only way I could have walked in there. Walked straight into Paul Action Jack Jackson who proceeded to tell me a delightful tale about a pot of cottage cheese and a woman he didn't like very much. And he didn't seem to know about the week of shame - this made me realise two things, one, that despite global coverage not everyone knew what had happened, and two, never leave any food in Paul's fridge.

Anyway sat down to my big stack, folded away for a while while congratulating myself on my nit status, and then found Jacks in the small blind, and proceeded to play them like a twat. Andy Booth had raised 2.5 BB in early position and had a call from the cut off who I ddn't know. I decided to raise again out of position as i figured i was ahead of andy, who i know quite well, so once he folded, the other guy wouldn't call. Andy DID fold so I got that bit right, but cut off called, flop comes down K 10 5, so i'm out of position with jacks on a k hi board. I wanted to bet but cut-off looked interested in the flop and in his chips so I checked to see what he did. He bet 600 into a 1200 pot so after a little think I raised his 600 to 1800, he calls but looks unhappy, turn is an ace which i'm not loving but bet out hoping to represent AK, he calls, river blank i bet again and he sits forever, looks so close to folding and then calls of course, with ace 10. i have 3k left - which is still 30 bb of course - and a raging urge to smash someone in the face. Preferably myself.

Michelle (Bricknell)still going strong so i sat down on cash where nothing much was really happening, but was heartened by a guy from Blackpool making a point of telling me that no one believed what the ex had posted, and it was all a bit playground styley which did make me feel a lot better. Had something to eat with Rick Doublebubble gilby, CCTV, and others and then moved back to cash where i exited about 150 up in the end. Down point of the day, apart from being shit at tournament poker, was the ex sending me yet another shitty text, plus knowing my car was parked somewhere nearby and I wasn't driving it home. High points of the day were finding out who your friends are, plus something else that isn't for publication - it made me smile anyway, real smiles rather than "look at me I'm really smiling" smiles :)

So the next comp i've satellited into is the big one over in Dublin in october - think i may need to attempt to learn something before that or it's just a waste of a seat. Have decided to grind out a few cash games between now and then, manchester and possibly broadway, where i can concentrate on boosting the bank roll between now and then. Possibly being lucky isn't as long term lucrative as being good lol.

both sides?

2010-09-21T03:08:00.000-07:00

Someone I hardly know contacted me to say they understand both sides of the story.. I'm not sure how, as my side hasn't been documented anywhere, by choice.

My ex posted a malicious thread on Blonde poker, AWOP and his blog on Saturday 18th. The post was made up of a great deal of half truths, which made it a very entertaining read for many I believe. However, while there was a lot of things missed out (these points I guess would be my side) and there were a couple of complete lies, his post wasn't and isn't my biggest priority right now.

On Friday 17th I had to go to the police with regards to problems between myself and my ex. He then ran away, as he has done on many occasions before, and took my car, as his was again in the garage where it has been on and off since he bought it. He also took a relatively small sum of money from the pub takings. This has also happened before.

Once he confirmed I was at DTD playing the £300 he then put the thread up to deliberately discredit me and embarass me with maximum exposure, knowing I was sitting with a couple of hundred people who would all be checking updates on Blonde. A few good friends informed me of it immediately and also asked for it to be taken off AWOP. Rob Yong told Blonde to remove it. Blonde poker's representative did ask me if i wanted "right to reply" before it was removed, but as I hadnt actually read it and assumed it was simply a rant, I decided under the circumstances it would only make things worse, bearing in mind the circumstances leading up to him leaving.

I've now read the post and it is worse than I imagined, but knowing him as well as I do, it doesn't surprise me, it just upsets me that something can go so bad, and that someone you loved and supported in every way, including financially, for nearly four years, can be so vindictive.

Luckily, my family and a small circle of friends knew some or all of what has been going on between us for quite some time. I had also consulted a doctor, and my solicitor in the weeks leading up to last weekend's events which obviously will be a help if this ends up in court.

There is a warrant out for his arrest, this is true. The car is also reported as TWOC and if he is stopped in it he will probably be arrested for that as well. These two things were live on Friday and don't relate to his post on Saturday, but obviously since his posts, and his subsequent calls, I will also be seeking a restraining order through my solicitor, as the police have advised me it will take longer to go through the courts. (Obviously the wheels were already turning on this on Friday but it may take up to 3 months doing it that way)

None of this is by choice. There is so much more I would like to post up here but at this moment in time it wouldn't be beneficial in any way to me. And in time, it won't be beneficial to anyone - what will it achieve telling the truth? The few poker people who matter to me already know the truth. My family know the truth. There are many other poker "buddies" out there who don't have a clue and if they choose to judge me based on my ex's desperate attempt to paint himself as a victim then I know they're not people I would waste a second of my day on.

I didn't want to have to reply at all, as it means my ex will then reply - at what point does it stop? I abhor hanging my dirty washing out in public as my friends know - my ex knows this most of all, which is exactly why he did it. So I've kept this as brief as possible and don't really see me discussing it in depth publicly again.Who gives a shit anyway? Normal people will read it shrug and move on. The haters will feed off it for a while, but they never need an excuse anyway.

Onward and upward.

always the bridesmaid....

2010-09-17T02:15:00.000-07:00

still running well in satellites. won a seat in the Liverpool 250 next weekend, the 3000 euros package over to the open in Dublin next month and last night managed to get a seat for DTD's deepstack 300 on saturday. Would be nice to actually cash in one of them for a change.

Hadn't actually planned travelling to nottingham so don't even know why i played the sat really but i got fairly well chipped up from the beginning and never really stopped from there. was talking absolute shit as usual, so much so that the whole table pretty much put me on mute. That was a personal first. One player called Maddybird took it all a bit to heart and kept attempting to make " cutting remarks" lol. She then called me a donkey.. wounded. next hand she pushed the ridiculous short stack she had been nursing for 4 hours into the middle with tt, i snapped her hand off with aq and bye bye maddybird. I then typed in - you've just been taken out by a donkey - wp. She had a mostly unintelligible rant about i'd never make it blah blah, dunno if she meant to the final table, to DTD or on the stage, but either way who gives a toss?

Only been to DTD 2 times before and love the place. Have to admit I'm slightly concerned i won't play my best game, no piss take here, the past 6 weeks in the pub have been so bad that if it doesn't turn round soon Ill be out of here, so a cash injection is sorely needed. N ow when you know you actually need to win, rather than just playing for fun with an added bonus if you do cash, it's a completely different game, for me anyway. I was talking to a poker buddy who used to have a bar and he said he hated that he was always topping up the bar with his poker winnings but sometimes needs must. I try to keep my poker money completely separate from work but if you need to buy beer or the gas bill lands on your doorstep and there's no cash in the bank, what do you do.

last time i went to DTD i was on a table with simon trumper who was absolutely gobsmacked at my mouth running off as usual. He actually said to me, I had no idea you were like this. I don't think he meant it as a compliment.
A few guys were watching the table, i ended up including them in the fun and afterwards one of them invited me to come and play on the cash table they were on, which I did. We were having a laugh and so when a valet came over i offered this guy a drink. I wasn't at all embarassed to find out it was actually Rob Yong who owned the place, and all the drinks were free on that table anyway :(

If you're at DTD this weekend come and say hi. If you can't see me, just listen out for me instead and follow the noise.

running good all the way to the Emerald Isles

2010-09-06T15:40:00.001-07:00

Had a very good run poker wise of late, despite personal life being complete opposite. Maybe that's how it has to be - to be able to concentrate on the game do you need to be single? When my partner and I split for about the fourth time early this year he went off to Walsall and managed to win the GUKPT main event, we got back together - nada since.

I digress. I try to stay off internet poker as it is only ever used by me as an outlet for external frustrations and adding the fact you've just done 2k in playing games you are no good at doesn't usually help matters when you're stressed.

But.. in the past two weeks I've actually managed to not only cash but to do it quite regularly! Around 8 final tables in a fortnight plus a package to the Irish Winter Festival in October, which is what I'm most happy about. I also won a satellite at the Liverpool Circus to the £250 game at the end of this month and have had some joy at the live cash as well - at this rate the new plate on the car may well have to be changed. At the moment it reads "T1LT X" :)

Malcolm Harwood aka The Rock from RPO has railed me practically every final table so I was pleased to be able to attend the Betfred Ladies Tour on Saturday up at the Broadway casino in Brum to show a bit of support back. I used to huff and puff about the standard of play, back when I thought I was a lot better than I actually was, but now, although the play hasn't changed, I'm aware that if I want to prove anything, I should be able to play anybody, however good or bad they are. One thing though, it's still the same 6k starting stack that it was 3 years ago, but tournament poker has changed immensely in those 3 years and the starting stack should reflect that. £100 FO are ten a penny, so to speak nowadays so i think Malcolm needs a better structure and stack to tempt in the many ladies who play poker regularly, rather than the Valium Vacuous and lipstick lesbians who currently make up the field.

Played well - ish - and got back from 1k up to 13k and donked it all off one hand after the break when I shoved with a flush draw and missed. The most upsetting thing was seeing on the updates I shoved with AQ on a 5 high flop; get the facts right girls it was q4 of hearts on a two heart flop lol.

On the cash table I met dave Colclough, or rather he met me ;) as i chatted shit for Britain. At one point he min raised, I reraised and he shoved, I passed he then showed me.. a duece.
next hand I find 99, he gay raises again, I reraise he shoves I snap call. I've no idea if I'm ahead and we're both doing a bit of a Mexican stand off with neither one of us willing to declare our hand, in case the other one is better lol. The dealer starts to deal the flop and the first card out is a nine. As the dealer puts it down Dave says "I have Jacks" I'm laughing my head off as I say I have a set of 9s, and flip them over, Dave groans and flips his jacks over, just as the dealer turns the third card and yes it's a jack. Guess who's laughing now? To add insult to injury, he asks if he can get me a drink, as after all, I'm paying for it........ Shafted myself for a further few hundred on the OH table and then swapped back to Texas and ground some cash back.

Stayed overnight with Fran Creed then popped over to Stoke with Lynne Beaumont and Michelle Bricknell, two of my favourite ladies in poker, to play the £100 FO which was a good day out. Stayed on for cash and got a fair bit from the Texas table then moved later to DC where i managed to pull a Bruce Lee and a 5 paduki and got paid, so that took me back up from where I started on saturday morning.

Got a fair bit going on otherwise so probably not much poker until this £250 at Liverpool, although I am popping out tomorrow night to a private DC game which hopefully will top me up a little more.

2010-07-03T02:38:00.000-07:00

With the circumstances I find myself doing a lot of vague nothing at the moment, inbetween running round sorting the funeral etc out. About half eight last night the other half asked if i was gonna play some online poker so I thought why not, although I knew I wasn't really in the right frame of mind.

Anyway I played the $30 rebuy, $15K gtd on Ipoker and managed to pull off a very creditable 3rd place for $1500. I do think I could have come second only for a real schoolgirl error... I had 72 on the BB and knew the SB would probably limp in again as he had been doing, despit ethe blinds being 5 and 10 k. Every time he did i was raising or pushing all in, and this time I thought I'd let him see a flop, so had auto clicked check. Now I never do this usually as it's an instant giveaway that youhave no hand at all. Anyway, I realised I'd ticked "fold" rather than check, so moved the mouse over to click the check button and clicked, just as he pushed all in. I'd imagine both guys on the table wondered why I snap called 4/5 of my stack off with 72, but now you know :(

His K5 held up.. I had 70K left which I pushed in 2 hands later with 89, missed and left the table. sigh.

Anyway, I'm obviously happy with the result, I generally played well, so hopefully this is the start of a good run. Even better, it may well be that I've started to play better generally lol, as although I havent played much this year, I'm not doing too badly (live rather than online).

RIP My dad

2010-06-30T01:50:00.000-07:00

I prefer to keep the blog poker related but this kind of transcends it all. My dad died yesterday, Tuesday, aged 69.

He hadn't been ill, which makes it harder to take. Basically he'd had 3 failed operations on a hernia over the past 5 years, and it kept coming back until it was a ridiculous size, pushing right out through his stomach. The doctors wouldn't try again as they said it was too dangerous. Unfortunately, on Saturday night he was rushed into hospital in agony, apparantly the hernia had strangulated the bowel - they tried to get rid of the poison in his body with tubes everywhere but eventually said they had to operate or he would die.
He was in surgery on Monday for a solid 9 hours.
As far as we knew the surgery had gone well and we all relaxed.
When he came out they deliberately kept him asleep to help his body recover but on Tuesday morning he started to detoriate and they rang us to come over.
They took him back to theatre and found his bowel had died, which meant he was slowly dying and they couldn't do anything to save him.

They explained to us what was going to happen once they reduced all the meds and machines that were keeping him alive and we sat with him until he passed away. I have never watched anyone die before, and to watch your own father die like this is pretty fucking heartbreaking. I'm crying as I write this, what's breaking my heart is he so wasn't ready to die. He had loads in his life and he really used to enjoy himself so to see that ended as it was is hard.

The doctors said he would be able to hear us on some level although fully sedated so we had to try and keep it strong. at the last minute we decided to get my 13 year old daughter from school as they were very close - he worshipped the ground she walked on but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate for her to say goodbye like this. My mum told dad I was going to get Tamsin, and I shot to the school which is literally 5 minutes away, picked her up and briefly filled her in - her instant reaction was to get her back to him to say goodbye before he died.

We ran back to the ICU, all dad's signs were still the same, Tamsin gave him a kiss and held his hand and told him she loved him, and whether coincidence, or whether he had waited for her, he then passed away.

I have to organise stuff now for my mum, while running two pubs and managing my own grief, so i don't see this being a good few weeks. RIP Tony Cove I love you xxx

King of Grim Neil Blatchly

2010-06-27T12:31:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has the remotest interest in poker, and many who don't have all now read about the Neil Blatchly scam. Much as I enjoy Blonde poker forum myself you do need a special needs deciphering degree to try and understand what the various phrases mean on there - every post from a regular has lots of [ ] and [X] plus abbreviatons FTW FML DUCY, words that they make their own - grim being a good example - so it's often hard work to try and figure out what someone is actually saying.

Anyway the only good thing that came out of the Blatchgate scandal was the regular posters were all so stunned at the severity of the scam that they started to post in English rather than Blondish so by page 84 it was all a bit more understandable. I think there were so many new members who didn't understand they had to talk in code to fit in with the clique that they kindof broke down the barriers by sheer volume of new posts alone.

Feel sorry for certain mates of Neil in particular Cos and George2Loose, who are both completely blameless in this and have not only been personally scammed but have also had all of their trust and friendship thrown back in their faces.

However, I think people would do well to think about who else Neil was friendly with when looking for a conspirator, other than looking at just poker buddies. Maybe a poker friend with whom he shared other hobbies, I dunno, like golf maybe? mmm.. ;)

Neil only got away with this because Blonde forum members allowed him to manipulate them all into putting him up on a pedestal of his own building: he was just too clever for them to see he provided the steps for him to climb up there. A very clever man - no one involved in this should blame themselves or kick themselves for being gullible - they weren't. Con men like this work very very hard to create an image for people to believe in. More will come out in the future - I woudl imagine we'll find that Neil has done this kind of scam before, more than once.

Don't imagine we'll be seeing him in DTD in the near future, but then again, someone as arrogant as him may really think he can convince people he was just a fool rather than a fraud.

£1k up from Blackpool G cash game

2010-06-25T21:36:00.000-07:00

Managed to sneak away from the pub for the night to play the Blackpool G £50 FO, played relatively well until making a monstrous move that was played to perfection. My one schoolgirl error was thinking a guy who didn't have a fold in him could find a fold here. He couldn't, and even came out with the immortal line of I know you're ahead. sigh gg.

Onto the cash table about 11.30pm, full table and pretty constant all night with only the occasional new face but always in the same two seats. Ash Hussien & Gareth "Nugget" Jones were there, Gareth being only the 2nd tightest player on the table for once, as Blackpool Ted (Gnashers) was doing his impression of Mt Rushmore, only not quite as good looking. The only time he lost all night was when he dropped a £1 chip under the table.

I started with the customary drop of a couple of hundred, in my usual manner of trying to outplay people I don't have the first clue about. Slowed down and started to watch a bit and once I felt comfy started standard raising of mediocre hands. Mediocre is actually bigging the hands up a bit if I'm honest.

Raised with 49s UTG (no idea why other than I was holding a strong table image so knew Icould C bet and probably get all callers to fold on most flops.) Flop came 9 4 9. which was nice. I bet straight out half pot and got one caller, a scouser called Billy who is a really nice kid and a decentish player. Now I know he's capable of floating me on the flop and raising on the river - he knows I would have to fold an overpair here if he represents the 9 well enough. I didn't know if he was going to bluff or of he actually had the 9 so decided to let him take the pace on the turn (6) so checked. Billy thought and then bet around half the pot. I reluctantly called, while giving him a load of tosh about "I don't know if I'm good enough to fold this hand" etc. The river was a 2 so I'm only beat by 69 (insert double entendre HERE) so I figure I'm good with my full house. I sat on then bet £25, saying "That's stopped you hasn't it? You thought I'd check agan and you can bet so I have to fold, but what you gonna do now, my bet has stopped your action etc" Billy smiled a little and slowly said raise, which he did, up to £70. Cue best gutted face from me. "thought" about it for a while then said "nice try - try this one for size - I'm allin." His turn to look suprised.

Now I know he obviously has a 9 now and as he hasn't insta called I also know he hasn't filled up (rocket science was my best subject at school) so I go to town on the talk. Laughing my head off I'm telling him he didn't expect that did he, he thought he could raise me and I'd go away, well nice try Billy but I've played you before, you haven't got a 9 and even if you have I know you're a good enough player that you know you can't call that unless you have a full house, which you don't right? So you have got to fold ha ha and so on" Kept telling him what a good player he was and how he knew he couldn't call it with just a bare 9 until he asked the dealer how much it was.. it was £275 more. He looked like he was going to fold, so I started telling him to save his money,how he knew I liked him and didn't want his dough, if he wasn't full he was behind so why not save your cash and pass... Did the trick - he called and I flipped the mighty 49 (he had K9)... bless him :D

Pulled a straight flush as well after raising with 4s6c, flop was 457 all clubs. turn was the 8 clubs, Hungarian guy called my bets on flop and turn then raised river, to which I more or less min raised as I figured that wa sthe most I would get. He hummed for a bit (better than Hungary's Eurovision entry this year) and called, before I even flipped it over Ash Hussein was saying straight flush - am I that obvious?!

Left about 4.30am with a nice wad of £50s and loads of curly £20s (the cokeheads are ruining our banknotes) and drove home feeling quite happy. Good mood slightly dimmed by the other half pissed out of his skull and snoring for Britain, rendering even 2 hours sleep impossible.

ooh hello there

2010-06-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

Once again - testing to see if this works. My blog is behaving just like me - very badly! Allowing access when it feels like it and refusing all other attempts - again, just like me.

Any PC whizzes email me on 2009cal@live.co.uk to tell me how to transfer all this blog to a new one - I don't want to start again!

I enjoyed reading the last post's comments, nice posts about my dick - how do these people know these things? I've gotta stop wearing these short skirts - the hairy ball sac hanging beneath the hemline is SUCH a give away. sigh.

Poker? PLayed a little, won a little, lost.... a little more :)

No doubt anyone familiar with me now knows I came third in the Women's World Open a couple of months ago - cue loads of new facebook buddies I've never met and have no mutual friends in common with. Not sure what they want from me - maybe they've heard about the penis thing and feel Thailand is just to far to go when you can get a homegrown one right here in the North.

Gearing up for a trip to Liverpool hopefully for the festival at the beginning of the month. I'll see if this allows me to post and more importantly, access it afterwards, then hopefully get back into blogging.

Biatch is back mofos

2009-10-09T02:03:00.000-07:00

I'm allowed access all areas again! Not sure what went wrong but i'm not getting bounced off blogger anymore - I think my limited access was directionally proportional to how badly I was playing. Actually, having donked off plenty last night, perhaps it was inversely proportional?
Either way, the biatch is back.

Nice write up from Steve Holden, following a road trip to Spain hopefully the link should be here http://steveholdenpoker.blogspot.com/ Scroll down to October 4th and enjoy :(

In my defence, I didn't drink 80% of the wine. It was probably only about 76%. Try and keep to the facts Steve please.

So - updates? Online poker is not for me. Admittedly Ive known this for a long time but it took a while to stick the hand in the air and say "My name is caroline and I am a donk online". Done abou $10k on OH (wtf?!) and worked out since january I've won about 18k live yet I'm about 2k up. That's scary.

Live is laughing! Had a few nice results in decent comps but mainly raking it in from cash games. Problem with this is I have lost all elements of tourny play, so patience levels are totally non existent. I've won two seats recently, one for a side event at the RPO festival at the end of the month in Liverpool, and one for the Blackpool leg of the GUKPT so really need to get my head round playing them.

The GUKPT satellite was a beauty. $50 RB Blue Sq - no rebuy (wtf?!) and I owned my table from the first hand. The gobshite was in full effect as I verbally destroyed every one of them without having to go to showdown for the first 90 minutes. Which was lucky as in most instances all I had was my mouth. Railbirds were all over the place - my FB was battered with abuse and plenty of lols afterwards.

Noticed one guy seemed pretty busy, loads of check raising (yawn) and 3 betting (whatever that is) so decided to try raising his BB with 47h to check out his response for when I did eventually get a hand. Raised in early position (yeah I know) folded round to him, he called - not a shock. Flop was K high, all spades, but I had made a pair with my 4. He checked, I bet. He min raised, I flat called. He checked turn (previously anyone who then bet turn got put all in by him) I checked. River another spade. He sat for ever then bet pot. Rightly or wrongly his play said to me he has not got the nuts - every time he had anything he wanted paying, so the bets were small, the steals were pot sized. So, I reraised him - he passed. I showed my 47 of hearts.

Cue - lols from table. Cue - abuse from BB player along the lines of "you think you're clever, you'll get caught soon enough. I can wait" So I gave it right back to him, along the lines of you'll be waiting a long time to get clever enough to beat me, and i may have mentioned to him that I deliberately raised his BB to see what he did as I had noticed he seemed to be a busy chap.

I then got this classic line - Do you know who I am?

Well - in short - No.

I didn't ask him to clarify but he felt the need to go ahead and tell me anyway - I am David La Ronde - remember that name.

I 'll be honest here and admit I did do a little wee.

After I stopped laughing I remembered I had played him at Manchester GUKPT and watched him donk off his monster stack in about 3 hands to players who had got his number. So I kept pressing his buttons, giving it loads about how I remembered him already as his wasn't the kind of face you forget in a hurry etc, and the bigger they are the harder they fall etc.

So a couple of hands later I have AA in BB (mbn to run so good hey) and of course I start giving it out to him to leave my blind alone, it's not big and it's not clever to steal etc. Of course he raises so I sit on and eventually min raise him back fully expecting him to push all in. Bear in mind at this point me and him are the only players with chips - I have him covered.

Davey boy doesn't let me down - he goes allin with his rag ace and I'm ashamed to admit I fully hollywooded it and let the clock wind right down then called. Bye bye David La Ronde and thanks for all the fish. Remember my name. PMSL.

Don't think I needed to play a hand after that, but I did :) Ended up heads up with me and Dara, flopped trips and bet out, he didnt believe me (o but why Dara?!) and called, I banged it in on turn, he called, I won.

If I can play like that in the actual event I will win it. Unfortunately I will also get my head kicked in outside by ppl like Davey boy, Barry Neville and Mick McCool. Heavy weights in every way. Still, I can mop up my tears with the money so probably not altogether a bad result.

Aah it's good to be back.

I'm back!!

2009-03-30T14:12:00.000-07:00

I'm back - I hope! I seem to be able to sign in now and after pressing the magic "publish post" button, I will hopefully be able to see my own post.
Let's give it a try..... If it works I'llpost a proper update tomorrow

arse about face

2009-03-12T12:49:00.000-07:00

well I haven't been able to sign into my own blog for a week.
No idea why - when I open the page it tells me it's aborted - maybe that's Blogger's opinion of my blog but I like it and I'm sticking with it, so needed to find a way round it...
Success - Found Steve Holden's blog and signed in from there - arse aboutface way of doing things but where there's a will there's a relative or something.

Pure poker shortage at the moment for me due to work - we signed a lease 2 weeks ago today at the same time the other local pub decided to close for a refit for 2 weeks - I don't think I've slept more than 4 hours each night since we've been that busy. No complaints obviously other than I'm desperately needing a foot transplant.

So you all know my internet situation - practically non existent on a shitty dongle, so no internet play other than a week last monday - I popped over to Southport at about midnight on the sunday night to partake in the cash game - dreadful game but needs musts when the devil drives. Stayed there till 5.30 am, got home near to 6 and had to be up at 7am for daughter and school run etc, so decided it was pointless going to bed. Sleep is for sleepy people! Had a dabble on betfred, did the school bit came back and played some ridiculous 2 dollar rebuy, no rebuys (!!!) one addon and came second for about 500 quid - happy days. Tuesday night or possibly weds (the days went a bit blurry after sleep deprivation) I played an evening deepstack, and came 7th for a few more hundred. However, that's pretty much it for the internet, and live play hasn't been possible other than the pub game here, which I bashed last night, won both games and was up £150.

anyway I'm gonna post this and see if it actually lets me. please comment just to let m eknow that other ppl can actually access the blog!

2nd day.. no good

2009-02-10T13:04:00.000-08:00

Have to say I played very weakly on the second day. Whether i was tired (severe lack of sleep) or whether I got too complacent with the long clock (1 hour) I don't know but I played very poorly. Basically let myself get blinded away which seems a shame after the hard work I put in teh day before. There were a few on my table with less chips than me which led to a lot of pushing, from them, leading in turn to no opportunity for me to push when I needed to. I can't say my cards were any good wither, the only pics I saw was kq in the BB after a raise then a reraise allin, which the original raiser had commited themselves to call by leaving less than half their stack behind, so I folded but on reflection I probably would have been better calling for the size of the pot, the fact my BB was in, and I only had about another 12 BB. As it turned out I would have hit 2 pr and won the pot, beating JJ and AJ.

Ah well, I guess I'll know better next time. Played like a fish in the cash games as well, so really not a great weekend financially for me. We did get £500 each from the team event though: on the first day we were leading the points with the Castle team, Doublebubble Rick, Ky and Thumper, all of whom we know so we decided instead of a grand each, we;d split between the two teams. As it turned out, our team came second so definietly a wise decision!

Had a nice compliment on AWOP, The Chaser commented I had played well on the first day - it's nice to see someone whose game you respect saying that on a forum for everyone else to see - I'm just glad he didn't comment on the second day...

On a non-poker topic, we may be buying the lease on the pub ourselves. The opportunity came up a while ago, but in this day and age we needed to know it was a viable proposition, which we do think it is after 3 months running it. So, cross your fingers, we're moving into further discussions this week and will know more shortly.

sooo photogenic...

2009-02-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

Ido not take a good picture.

Day one over and I'm still in thanks to a mad scandie

2009-02-07T03:36:00.000-08:00

Well the Liverpool Winter Festival didn't get off to the most auspicious start when I touched up Allan the organiser by mistake.

As I was walking across the card room he came over to greet me and I put out my hand while still going toward him. He leant in to kiss me while also going forward which resulted in my outstretched hand making firm contact with his lower stomach/belt region. Of course instead of taking the easy option and pulling my hand away, I inanely attempted to still find his hand by the power of touch alone, which resulted in me basically rubbing his belly.

I then sat alone in the loo for about 10 minutes cringing with shame waves. Once the blush had subsided to a dull red as a pose to the full on fire engine face I came back out and got on with the task in hand: the poker that is, not Allan's nether regions.

I stayed on the same table all night, which obviously was good as I knew how everyone was playing after a while, but it was a very slow table - full on amatuer dramatics from all the scandies when back raised allin resulted in the clock being called more times than I've ever seen in a tourny. I had Ash Hussein on my left which suited me fine as I had him laughing too much to ever get busy. On my right was a 6foot chinless wonder scandie called Odd (wtf?) who was chip leader pretty much throughout the night (think he was 2nd in chips when they did the count at the end) Apparently he is a notable cash player online but he only served to cement my theory that most online cash players have no social skills or personality whatsoever.

Mark the Chaser from AWOP was three seats away from me, plus Fred the fish from the circus, a couple of young scandies and a bipolar young ginga called Brett Angel who tried to have an attitude but didn't really have the balls for it. Paul Marrow soon put him straight and he shut up for a while.

My own game was very up and down, despite telling myself I wasn't gettin involved the table was so slow and pretty passive early on so it was all too easy to limp in with cards that could get you in a whole world of hurt. First lot of chips really never got going and ended up allin on the last hand before the break. Came back to my second lot, which although was actually 50 BB I played with a short stack mentality which kept me pretty solid. Didn't see many cards, had QQ twice (lost won one won) and AK (no pay) and that was it! Ended up stealing a fair bit which was really good for my confidence as I have never bluffed so much and got away with it. crept up from 6k to 10k purely playing flops and players in the hand without a card. Caught a set with 77 and got paid off nicely, but other than that no decent pots won until towards the end.

Table had got busier and blinds had gone up, on my BB, to 500 and 1k. cut off raised weak, the SB then reraised. I know this Odd guy (name really suits him :) is capable of reraising there with K9 or q10, as he does like his pictures, but I had also clocked, once he calls a reraise he didn't pass. Yes he had the chips to call but he was making some frighteningly bad calls on a flop where he really should have folded. So I had A10 off and pushed my 10BB in the middle. The cutoff passed and Odd called the remaining 5k. Before we turned the cards over everyone thought I had AA with the reraise but as I said at the time, I felt the cutoff was tring to steal and I know Od'd's reraising range is quite wide ie any two pictures and genuinely felt I was ahead. I was, my A10 held up against his KQ and i was doubled up.

Time's ticking on with 12 minutes to go before end of play and I had to make a decision - return tomorrow when the blinds start at 1200 with a short stack or try and double up or bust. Never the shrinking violet I decided I would get busy as my passive table seemed happy to sit on their chips to the end. Odd raised on button I called in SB with A7s, flop came 8 hgh all rubbish he bet 3k into a 9k pot. I know his weak bet means he's weak, he's played the same all night but I'm not sure he'll fold if I put myself allin. Faint heart ne'er won fair lady or something so I banged my 15k in and started to hyperventilate. Odd sat on for ever and ever by which stage my heart rate is off the Richter scale and I'm ready to smash big Jimmy Morgan in the gob as he's commentating away "You can't call that - look he's folding, just fold fella, he's not calling etc" I know the one thing gauranteed to make him call is Jimmy!

He calls me with.. K6. My heart had sank when he said call, and I said, good call, you have me I'm ace high. Then I looked back at the flop to see what he'd hit and couldn't work out what he had called with as there was no K, no 6 and no draw for him? Last 2 cards were dealt and Jimmy said "oo that's brutal, unlucky Caroline". I'm looking at the flop and saying "What's he hit what's he hit?" cos I can't see anything. Thought I was going mental but it turned out Jimmy had misread his cards and thought Odd had hit a flush, but no, my Ace high took the pot! It was a baffling call as he could only hope to be beating K5... I'm not complaining obviously, as he doubled me up, but it didn't win him any brownie points and made me a marked woman as he took the hump, mainly cos I was thanking him profusely he he.

I was up to 40k then lost 10 on the next hand (which was the last hand) when I limped UTG with kqs, knowing Odd will pay me off in his BB if i hit. The SB made up his blind to 1k, Odd checked, flop comes k high, no draw. SB bets 3k? Odd calls, which isn't a suprise, I'm confident that even if the SB has a King, my Q kicker is better than his kicker so I reraise up to 10k. The SB hasn't been at the table too long but when he has a hand it shows in his confidence levels and whole demeanour. I'm expecting him to fold, but he sits back like the cat who has the cream - on his nuts - and pushes all in after a bit of chat. Odd folds, I look at the flop - K 3 8 - and just knew I was behind. I put him on 2 pair on a SB special and folded my cards face up. Everyone seemed shocked at the fold, as if I was ahead, till he turned over.. AK. I had his hand wrong admiteddly, but my fold was right :) I was indeed behind! Even though it took me down to 30k I still have more chips to go back with today than I had all day yesterday, and if I couldn't have folded that KQ I wouldn't be going back at all.
See you later - wish me luck!

interview with 10kings poker

2009-02-02T05:04:00.001-08:00

10Kings poker interviewed me for the Winter Festival this weekend, should be on this link here

comments?...

2009-01-30T02:20:00.000-08:00

I know there's people out there.... but only a few of you leave a comment. If you take the time to read this could you please pass on a few words? I don't mind whether they're nice or not! A couple of people have messaged me on facebook talking about stuff on here, which is fine but a word on here would be more than welcome!

I'm a bit hyped at the moment waiting for next week's Winter Festival at the Circus - it's now a ranking event so to cash would make it three out of three, plus more points to take me up to about 1,987394 or something..

Won my seat for te main event in the Winter Festival

2009-01-27T16:00:00.000-08:00

Played the £30+£30 satellite at the Circus last night, for the main event in next week's Winter Festival and won one of the 4 seats up for grabs; big bonus was the BF also won his seat so there will be no sulking or huffy door slamming :)

Nasty beat early on for my first set of chips, dunno whether it was my fault for raising with 46? Hadn't raised at all as was a very limp table, all of whom didn't fold to a raise and I hadn't seen any hands that were worth a Cbet on the flop with 5/6 limpers holding anything from a raggy ace to 22. Started with 4k and I i'd lost probably 1k of it through blinds and a couple of mediocre hands that did nothing. 2 limpers in front and I'm in late position with 46 hearts - it just looked at me and winked. Figured I could make a stand with it anyway so raised it up, called by the button and SB but the 2 limpers folded, then the flop came - 4.. K... 4...

It must have been a full premonition moment - raise with this shite and you will flop trips along with a big card that one of your callers will be holding. The flop was flushing so I bet straight out, giving it some shite line about " I'm making a really weak bet here guys cos I'm really very strong, but trying to disguise it" Cue all table laughing except Sal who knows I'm telling the truth and either have kk in the hole or a 4, played me too many times!

The button folds but the SB calls. Now I'm sure this fella doesnt have a 4, he isnt that kind of player. He's limped in with KK and JJ and he's not an aggressive player at all, and not a chaser - I can safely assume he has a King.

Turn comes, I sit for a minute then push my chips over the line saying "you didn't think I was gonna bet any less did you and let you catch your diamond? You can't call that mate, not with only one card left to come, it's not worth the chase" It pressed his buttons exactly like I intended, he assumed his K was good and called. He turned over Kojak, and I flicked over my 46. His face was a picture. ( A bit like a picture of a tomato and raisin pizza in all honesty, he had an acne issue going on) He hadn't for a second placed me as the kind of player who could raise with this shite, he said he thought I had a smaller pair (Than Kings) so when I guffed about the flush draw he figured he was good. Yep, that's exactly what I aimed for. I didn't aim for a King on the river however.

So he took my chips with his rivered bigger full house. I took a moment to reflect, which involved going outside for 42 cigarettes in 3 minutes plus a quick headbutt to the wall.

Threw probably half my next stack away on semi tilt after that, so went and smoked another year off my life, calmed down and came back and just sat. and sat, and sat , and sat until the blinds were a bit bigger and I had regained such a solid image that I could steal a few hands till I had more chips. Got moved table, mananged to double up twice with pictures and steal a few blinds with pretty poor rag aces, til I scaped up to 20k, we were hand for hand for a bit then bang, final table.

Think it was about 50 odd players, paying 4 seats worth £550 each, so final table was a bit horrible, knowing you all got there but 6 were gonna be close but no cigar. No way was that going to be. So I made few hero folds (!) invented a new phrase about limp equity (I'm saving it for my book...) and reraised all in every time the guy to my right raised. He was placed between the BF and me, so once he found we didnt get involved in any pots together, for obvious reasons, he figured he could raise every time I was in the SB or BB, but he had a massive tell I had noticed from playing him all night to let me know whether he had a hand he liked or if he was just at it. Anyway, I ended up as chip leader, took out a couple of guys, then eventually took out the bubble - the seat was mine!

Suppose the main point here about my game was once again I wasnt seeing cards, which 6 months ago would have prevented me from getting past level 5, but it's something I now have my head round, and it doesn't stop me trying to win. I'm really pleased with how my game is developing - I dont pretend to be any kind of pro, but I do know I can pick up a few tells that allow me to make the right play, I can play a short stack very well now whereas that previously was a massive stumbling block for me, and I have finally found patience. Just on the poker table that is, don't think I've morphed into Mother Teresa.

2009-01-22T16:11:00.000-08:00

i is happily pissed :)

three seats left for tonight's satellite

2009-01-20T05:45:00.000-08:00

Holding a 10 seater satellite tonight at the pub, £50 +5 with one rebuy or addon. 5k start stack, 30 min blinds throughout. Familiar faces to anyone in the North west area, ANDOS, Big Jimmy, Nick "windy" miller :) Karl Stokes etc.
Promises to be a good game, we have a dealer plus free soft drinks, if you fancy a try give me a shout on 07703 879875, starts around 8.30pm

Finally broke my duck at Leos, Liverpool

2009-01-19T09:36:00.001-08:00

I mentioned before how I have never cashed in Leo's casino, Liverpool, until I got to the final table at the Gala Poker Tour a few months ago. In my head it still didn't count as it wasn't against Liverpool players! Anyway, fresh from my success last Wednesday at the Circus, albeit only a small cash, I played the £50 FO at Leos on Friday night and won!

Went to the final table second shortest stack with only one move, managed to steal a couple of times and then took someone out with aq against his a4 (what a refreshing change!) till I was chip leader. Eventually we did a deal with all the remaining 7 players taking £400 and me getting £595. Apart from being happy with the cash boost, I was thrilled that I finally conquered a final table in a casino where I have previously failed to win. There was no big winning formula with my game, which was in fact far too loose at first, which ultimately meant I had to tighten right up in order to stay in. Every hand I had, which were few and far between, stood up for a change and the only bad beat I delivered was all in preflop from the cutoff with AQs against the BB AK, when I hit a flush.

Me and the BF had a rare night off together on Saturday so popped over to the Manchester G to play a bit of cash where I did my nuts in on the PL Holdem main table, outdraw after outdraw, stepped back down later to the NL feeder table and managed to claw back a large chunk of it. Sunday we were playing in Stoke at a charity poker team tourny where I met Paul Jackson, who seemed not only a decent bloke but a bit of a good laugh as well. Can't tell you how he got on as I was out after an hour :( and heading down the M6 for a cash game at Southport.

All in all a great weekend and nice to get a break from the pub for a bit, even nicer to start the week with a boost to your bankroll from the weekend's play.

Busted for good....

2009-01-19T07:04:00.000-08:00

Poker is a great leveller in that ten players sat round a table are all equal on a social level. Whether they are an academic, or left school early with just a clip round the ear to show for it, whether they are a company director or signing on, it doesn't apply once the cards are dealt. I'm friendly with people through poker whom I wouldn't have ever met if I didn't play - I met my partner through the game and as he lived in Wales back then, it's unlikely we would have got together any other way.

So, when you make poker buddies, their "day job" or their background is never an issue. I have a number of poker buddies who I'm aware make their money from "careers" that are not strictly legal; however, while I'm not burying my head in the sand, their source of income is none of my business, and is certainly not relevant to a friendship that begins and ends in the casino.

I mention this because I heard some bad news this week. A young lad who I have known for a couple of years was arrested last week and won't be around for some time now, due to the nature of the offence. I'm a big believer in those who live by the sword die by the sword etc but I can't help feeling it is such a waste. I have played the same circuit as him for a couple of years and watched as his game turned round from amateur bluffing faciliatated by his deep pockets and replenishable income, to a strong, aggressive tournament game that saw him cash in GUKPT events and similar over the past year.

The lad and his girlfriend were both arrested at the same time, which resulted in their young baby being put immediately into care. This has genuinely sickened me. While him and his missus made their decisions as to which way they wanted their lifestyle to go, and did what they needed to in order to finance that, how could they risk their own child's future happiness? I'm trying to not be judgemental over this I really am, but when I think of this toddler in care because of their stupidity I'm gutted.

Obviously they must be gutted more than anyone else, they've lost their freedom, all of their assets will be taken off them, and of course, the worst thing must be knowing their baby is with social services through their own actions. I know there's that old cliche about doing the crime and doing the time, but the baby is the innocent party in all of this, yet the baby's life is now as fucked up as it's parents, before it even made it to school.

Have thought long and hard about whether I should even be posting this, but it's a poker blog about my poker experiences, so it's on here. Just a complete waste, ultimately for nothing.

Internet hand played out live ... :)

2009-01-15T07:33:00.001-08:00

Final tabled at the Circus last night, mainly due to this hand...

Last hand before the break of a £30 + £30 semi freezeout. UTG who hasn't played a hand for ever and hasn't stopped talking about how bad his cards are limps in silently while hyperventilating. I find AJ offsut on the button with 4 limpers inbetween me and him and say "Have you finally found a hand or are you just hoping to see a cheap flop?" He goes bright red and replies in a squeeky voice, "Me? on no I just want to see a flop", as his face slowly turns purple with the effort of trying to breathe. So I say I'll raise to see where I am, which I do - raising from 200 to 1200. (I have about 9 or 10k, he has about 6 but there are 4 others inbetween so I want themout for a start, and if he reraises I'm happy to fold. What I don't want is to hit a J high flop and find I'm behind to a bigger pair without asking the question preflop first. (Just so you know my thinking here and don't assume I see aj off as a monster hand)

Well before the chips have hit the felt, the guy in the BB has practically shouted RERAISE. This guy has suddenly found a pair of balls under his rolls of lard and looks me in the eye (only possible as we were sitting down - he would have needed a box otherwise) and says "I guess I'll have to reraise you to find out where I am and raises it 1200 with another 2k. I say "so you obviously have a big pair then" and he says, what like Kings? yes mate, exactly like Kings.

The UTG, who we had both forgotten about, stands up and throws his chips in while giving it the bullshit about o well I know I'm behind - roughly translated as please please call me I'm massive.

His reraise is less than the BB's reraise, another 1200 to put him all in.

Now obviously I know my AJ is far behind I need a miracle, but there's now nearly 10k in the pot and I have to put in 3200 to see the flop, making it about 13k altogether in the middle, so I have to call, much as I know I'm behind and really don't believe i have a chance of taking this down.

So I reluctantly call and like the bitch I am, say to the BB (who is a bit of a novice) "Now you wouldn't do anything stupid here like bet a dry side pot would you?" Everyone's laughing cos firstly he doesn't know what I mean, plus everyone knows I'm behind and really need to catch something here, so they know I want to get to a river for nothing.

The flop comes Q K 10 - I flop the nuts, and it's rainbow just as a bonus. BB checks and the biatch says "You really think I'm gonna let you catch up on that flop?" and threw a handfull of chips in - BB sitting on his set of kings like it's a cushion made of gold can't get his chips in fast enough to reraise me all in, which I obviously call. UTG turns over his cards to show his Aces, BB shows his set of kings and I flip over my shitty AJ which has blossomed into a beatiful straight and overtaken the monsters like Seabiscuit on speed. The turn comes an Ace to give the UTG a set of aces, leaving him calling for the board to pair while I'm screaming "2 2 2 2 2 2 I need a 2!!!" and it comes.. a lovely non-scary 2!

So I went into the break with about 28k when the average was around 8k which definitely got me to the final table without much more effort required, which was lucky as I couldn't catch a hand or a flop after the break. Went out 9th when I ran my AK shortstack into AA but you can't ask for miracles too many times can you?!

Just an aside about the Liverpool Circus. Paul who runs the card room does a very good job and actually seems to want to build up a proper card room, unlike so many other cardroom managers who just go to work to pick up their wages and brownnose thebosses - prime examples being Blackpool G and Manchester G. I've never been a fan of Stanley - possibly because I was barred from two of them :) Southport admittedly my own fault for scrapping but Stoke a complete travesty and a long story that seems pointless dredging up again now after two years - anyway I digress.. Point being, Paul has restored my faith in Stanley, he works hard and seems to be very proactive so I hope his bosses realise that. If you get the chance to support him by playing there please do so.

Have you missed me? :)

2009-01-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

Wow feel so out of touch with the poker world! Moved house and job to a new pub and have been working our asses off just to get through Christmas & New Year - worst time ever to come into a new pub in some ways. We had the delightful job of getting a rota of 180 hours down to under 80 so we've been working pretty much every day and night and I won't pretend it's all been fun.

Then we had the added bonus of no internet here so reliant on a 3G dongle: 3G coverage in Aughton is seemingly non-existent. Apparently a neighbour tried to upgrade his dial up to broadband and they told him it wasn't available in this area - surely this can't be true?! Maybe they just didn't want him to have faster net access in case he shipped over a russian bride or similar - they don't take well to strangers round these hereparts - all a bit American werewolf in London. However - they couldn't resist me (how could they?!) and we've pulled the pub up from 3.5k a week to more than double that in just 5 weeks, so we must be doing something right. (I think just opening the doors has helped - the previous guy was a bit hit and miss by all accounts).

So when I have had a window - well more of a skylight - to play a little poker online I have had to stick to sit and gos cos the connection is liable to go off at any point during your game, but usually only when you have a big hand and are about to make your move. Or when you get to heads up - that's a bonus when you finally get back on after a 15 minute battle to find you've been blinded away.

I got out twice to play live, both times at the Liverpool Circus as it's the nearest place, plus they do run a good game there. Cashed once, think I was 7th for £150 (£30 buy in) second time crashed out with 3 tables left (99 runners) and played cash, spectacularly uneventfully. Decided to leave when I raised in SB with aces, all limpers folded round as I hadn't played a hand for about 3 centuries and had only raised previously with JJ, 10s and 78 (what?!), folded till we reached college boy who said - and I quote - okay darlin I'll dance with you.

I shit you not. "Ok Darlin I'll dance with you?" I have no knowledge of how he can translate "Raise" into hey scarf wearing goofy frat boy please call me with 93 off and we can tango round a flop of 955 together?

Don't need to tell you how I reraised his pot bet all in and he called only to hit the 9 on the turn. These may well be the calls YOU want, but me - I'm happy with a fold there, either pre or on the flop.

I'm off tues and weds this week so hoping to get out for a game somewhere - any suggestions? Within an hour's drive pls from L39 postcode - Manchester, Blackpool, Liverpool all easily reached but must be dealer dealt and with loads of fish as long as they are good enough fishies to fold on the flop if there is any chance of outdrawing me :)

Say hello if you drop by please, I'd like to think I'm not completely out of touch :( x

More in the Xmas fund...

2008-11-21T00:27:00.000-08:00

We were meant to go to Manchester G last night for the £30+£30 but as the day wore on I wore out. I have somethng called pernicious anaemia which means as soon as I catch a cold I get so run down it's a joke. Really didn't fancy playing live poker with double vision and a mouth full of ulcers so the BF went off to try his luck while I went to bed.

Of course there's not much to do in bed by yourself at 8pm (yeah guys I know you can find penty to do in bed by yourself but I wasn't really in the mood) so the laptop went on and I entered the 12.5K on Ipoker. $100 is more than my usual stakes but I haven't played an online MTT for a while so wanted a decent standard, and have had a bit of luck on the 7CS tables (thanks to my flu lol) so figured I'd throw caution to the wind. As usual.

About 130 runners and my first table had a guy on who had read all the books, only watching his chip stack dwindle proved actions really do speak louder than words. He told me off for not raising with AKoff UTG - third hand in, when all the fish are still in spawny silly season and you know you're losing 4k in chips to k10 if you raise. His name was BULLYbjorne and apparently I should raise with AK to maximise my winnings then continuation bet any flop as the aggressor, as my opponent would have to fold under the pressure. I shouldn't have to point out here that while his general theory is acceptable, to me it's not on the third hand in when the blinds are 10/20, and the usual early stage madmen are all in on any flop. Particularly when the flop is 77J. I'm not in love with AK- I'm not in love with any hand if I know I'm behind :) He told me I shold raise to get info about the other players, but couldn't see he was doing it for all of us with his play.

How we laughed as he button raised every time only to fold to a reraise, or raised then bet the flop, only to fold as someone else pushed back at him. He couldn't back it up once, he was determined to try his A game out despite it being far too early, and with no idea of how the rest of the table was playing and it cost him. Anyway I soon had the decent players marked up on my table and was proven right as the final table had 5 of my table's original guys on, including me. I thought this was quite unusual? (The fact 5 of us were there - not that I got to the final table...)

Lost a big pot with AK against QQ, played itself, so having to push decided to do so when one of the original guys raised up. He was a very solid player so I knew he could fold if he didn't have a hand, but he had QQ.. having said that, I'd rather have given him my chips as I know he'll use them well. So I was 7th for just shy of £500, which with us moving house on Monday, is a handy touch.

old ones are the best

2008-11-19T07:02:00.000-08:00

This made me giggle at Blackpool last week.

I was out in the smoking cage when The Mole (above) looked up at me - he's about 4'2" - and said "bloody hell you're tall". Nothing like stating the obvious. He then asked the predictable next question that everyone does - how tall are you anyway, you must be 6 foot?

To which I give the standard reply of "No, I'm only 5'12".

The best bit is, he doesn't get that, but all of his mates/onlookers do, so they're all giggling while he thinks about it for a minute. He knows he's missed something but he's not sure what, but then again I reckon a lot goes over his head :)

His (much taller) mate Brain Martin turns to me and says " I've got three inches on you" - the obvious reply here for me was you put your three inches anywhere near me and I call the police.

Of course although everyone else was fallin about laughing Brian actually blushed and looked mortified. (whether I struck a nerve who knows) I spoke to him more over the next couple of days and he was actually a very quiet very nice guy, so Brian - I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have three inch penis. :)

girl flu

2008-11-18T10:44:00.000-08:00

This little known strain of the flu virus is often overlooked by people discussing the many perils of man-flu - eg: not able to open his can of lager, inability to put the loo seat down and so on. This shit however is the real deal.

When us women get flu we soldier on looking after you guys, or even if single, we don't moan or take to our beds - we just get on with it. But this flu is definitely Type X, the really deadly strain where your head feels too large and heavy for your body, your legs don't work and there is constant streams of nasty stuff trickling out of your nose. However it has one positive effect amongst all of the side effects, and that is it gives you the ability to play 7 card stud with no outdraws. I don't know how that is, whether the people on the table feel sorry for you as you sniff away or whether they fold as they don't want to touch your contagious chips, or whether you are so stuffed up you can't even see the potential dangers. As much as I feel like shit, I'm hoping to still be ill tomorrow as I increased my sit down by 150% today.

Off topic (like flu is really on topic!) news on the job front - we have a new pub. We move in next Monday and start wednesday which is a bit fast but we'll do it somehow. It's in another town about 30 minutes from Southport (where we are now) so my daughter will stay at her school for now. The area we're moving to is nicknamed "Millionaires Row" and it's a seriously lush place, very affluent and of course full of pensioners, the latter being just like where we are now :).

It's a gastropub rather than a big drinking place but anyone who knows us is always welcome to drop in. Don't know how the poker will go on for the immediate future - we've been lucky enough to play an awful lot recently but as we'll be working silly hours it's less likely, and with Christmas a few weeks away we're gonna be really busy. It's open Xmas Day for food which is a new experience for me as I've always had Xmas at home, but it'll be fun and at least we're guaranteed a good dinner plus no taxi fares home once the after dinner Hennessy kicks in :)

two entries now... :)

2008-11-16T06:42:00.000-08:00

Two entries now on the Hendon Mob rankings pages. It's a start right?!

Blackpool lots of fun as usual but have to say not a patch on last year for atmosphere, and I don't think it was just my opinion, as most of the big names disappeared as soon as they were out of the comp, whereas last year they seemed to stick around a bit longer. Cash games nowhere near as busy and as for the side events, they were all full - mainly because the G capped them all at 80 players... some reserve lists were longer than the entry list :)

Momentary brain stew

2008-11-12T00:39:00.000-08:00

Here's a good move: Work your way through over 100 players in a £30 Super satellite for the GUKPT's main event by playing solider than a very solid thing, wait till you down to the last few players before the seats kick in, wait once more till you double up your shortish stack, wait til your table breaks and you don't know how any of the players think, wait til someone raises 6 x the BB from early position on what does seem to be a tight table, and then - but only then - find the pathetic AQ off that you have already folded 3 times that day and suddenly imagine it to be the holy grail and decide (with no thought or game plan) to push all your 18BB in with it to watch the original raiser call with AK.

I left the casino shortly afterwards.

I don't know what possesed me, but the worst of it was the bad play I made and the shame factor that goes hand in hand with that. Even if I spiked a Q I would have been the table gimp as it was patently obvious - after the event - that the guy had AK. If I really wanted to play it at that stage I could have simply called to find out where I was but no, I couldn't do anything simple could I. There was a couple of players I know on the table and they were just looking at me as if to say "I thought your game had improved... but I was wrong..." I think I may have actually blushed, which hasn't happened since about 1972.

Decided to play a crappy FO at Leos Gala that night as wanted to be as far away from Blackpool as was possible: I'm driving past the Liver Birds building in the city centre when Andy Booth rang me for a freeroll password.(It was seaside for anyone that didn't have it - unlucky :)) and yeh I know I shouldn't have answered my phone but what can I say, I'm just a rebel. So busy talking to him I shot a red light by the new shopping centre so I'm guessing that's caught on camera. Is saying you didn't see it as you were on the phone a good defence?

Crashed out Leos, the BF came 2nd, but while I was waiting skipped over to the Circus, played 6 hands cash and made £800. I'm not saying it made it any better, but it allowed me to fan my hot flush away in style - with £50s.

Came home and went on updates on AWOP to see how everyone doing and found a picture of myself from the SS looking a little like a Russian Olympic shotputter (albeit with a blonde wig) which didn't really help with the whole blushing situation.

Ah well, back on Thursday for the side event. It can only get worse.

14th...

2008-11-04T13:57:00.000-08:00

No not me - Bubs26bs who couldnt even be trusted to look after my chips. Bah!

ace fuckin 8??????????

2008-11-04T12:57:00.000-08:00

Won a seat last week into the satellite for the GUKPT package ($8k) worth $300, so was really looking forward to it tonight. started with 2k was doin fine, up to 2800 until i lost about 1k with JJ and AK in two consecutive hands. Started out thinking everyone on the table was a class A player ( I always seem to do this if i think I'm out my league) until hard evidence proved otherwise. The usual raising with K10 UTG then callin for a gutshot (no not me!), reraises with rag ace, you know the sort or game. I was folding hands to reraises where I would have been ahead preflop - and still on the river :(

Anyhow I'm down to 1,800K when i get AQ on button. I havent played a hand for quite some time, every raise that has gone to a flop I've had the goods so I don't look like a blagger, so I hope I can raise the blinds with it, although im owrried about the BB as he is a tit. don't want to mince my words here.

He's been raising 77 when the BB 20 then betting 123 on the flop etc, so I reraised him on the turn then showed J7c which matched nothin at all. Don't think he liked that, resulting in every time I raised he called. I bet the flop, he folded. Strong play hey?

So back to the AQ. I raised just over 2.5 x BB, no limpers b4 me, SB folds. BB calls. I knew he would call anyway, went without saying. Now bear with me here - every time this guy called a raise he would then bet around half the pot then fold. So the flop comes A28, two diamonds. He bets, predictably, half the pot, around 260. I then reraised him to about 600. Is this where I went wrong? My thinking is I know I have the better ace if he has one at all, if he's flushing I don't want him catching, but basically, I know I'm ahead. He then pushes all in which I'm calling for what I have left, with what's in the pot, so I call and yes he has A8. 2 pr, I don't improve and I'm out. I am genuinely gutted. I probably played that hand badly but can't see how the result woudl have been any different - if I'd flat called they all still would have ended up in the middle, if bob was my uncle fanny would have balls. Or something.

So I went into a satellite for the Irish Open and rebought around 9 times in the first 9 hands. I'm still playing it, as you can imagine I have the most solid image on the table so I'mnot pinning my hopes on that one. I like satellites to a satellite, and I'm generally quite good at them - it's the next step up I need to work on. Anyway been moved tables, chance to redeem myslef - later.x

The dog is locked in the cupboard

2008-11-01T19:19:00.000-07:00

Redeemed myself playing the $3500 FO (6 seater) on Ipoker in the early hours and cashing. I was helped by Lippo81 (thank u whoever u are) who got so wound up by me he ended up giving me all of his chips for a nice double up that put me 3rd just before the money started lol. He is always a very busy player and if you reraise him a few times he ends up putting them all in as he thinks u havin him off. I wasn't, but he knows that now...

Thankfully got moved shortly afterwards and from then on kept my chat off so people didn't call me with shite through spite - my gob has cost me many a tourny this way. It helped that the dog was exhausted from barking herself hoarse at the local firework display so I had a bit of peace and quiet.

Really need to get some sleep soon as start job hunting tomorrow. The season has ended in Blackpool so we both now out of work. We've been lucky with the nice touches we've had here and there, on average we've been up about 4.5K every month since august, which for part timers isn't bad at all. However I'm not daft enough to assume it will continue like this so need to make sure there is a regular income to do those boring things like put food on the table.

The poor workman blames his tools...

2008-11-01T06:17:00.000-07:00

We have a dog. In the words of Supertramp not much of a dog but the only one I've got, only I would happily become a pet free household at this moment in time.

You see, this dog came from a rescue centre, and is the most loving and loyal mongrel ever, with just one major vice. She barks. She barks when someone walks past the house, she barks if you bang a door inside the house, she barks at leaves falling off trees three miles away.

Even more annoyingly, when you tell her to stop barking, usually with a well aimed foot, she continues to growl under her breath, while looking at you from the corner of her eye - the minute you break eye contact - she barks again.

She quietens down at night, mainly I think because her vocal cords are done in from a full day of barking, but of course last night was Halloween, that commercial holiday where snot nosed kids bang on your door looking for hard drugs and money. (I count myself lucky I'm not closer to town where that happens on a daily basis)

Anyway last night we'd done all of our Halloween stuff and the sprog had trotted off with her mate to a party, giving me a couple of hours to play poker. I sat down with the best of intentions, only I made the mistake of not killing the dog before I started.

She sat under my chair barking, whining and growling non-stop as hordes of kids knocked on the front door in close succession. I actually believe they were the same kids all the time who thought it would be funny to hear the mad lady swear again as she falls over the dog trying to get to the front door.

My game was non existent. In fact it was worse than that. So if you were on my table last night - in any of the many games I went out of first - all I can say is.. It wasn't me right?!

Just Bonfire night to get through now...

Chop Chop

2008-10-31T08:05:00.000-07:00

I'm on a proper cheese and tomato at the moment - the roll continued last night at Manchester G when we chopped between the last five players, I got £900 and was officially 4th, though with the blinds at 10/20k with 900,000 chips in play, there wasn't much between most of the stacks.

Played a very strong but solid game early on and went into the first break with 17k (5 + 5k double chance). It was also a very silent game as my face was hurting too much to speak after a solid hour at the dentist earlier, having an abcess drained. Didn't have to show a card once in the first hour bizarrely - I wasn't getting many hands but took every opportunity to raise into an unopened pot if I was in late position, after which the continuation bet on the flop worked every time. It was a very soft table which made it easier - no resistance!

After the break the blinds shot up and I lost a pot with qq to kq - standard stuff, till I found myself with 11k, well under average. Pushed with 99 after 2 limpers, called by SB with AK, he missed I doubled up to average, then this happened. Blinds 1.5/3k : UTG limped (calling station: limped with anything from 22 to ak, no fold whatever the raise, and no fold with a rage ace or overcards on a rag flop either) Next to act limped (weak, I put him on hoping to see a flop for cheap) then the next guy raised up to 11k. At this stage with the blinds there's now 21.5k in the pot already I look down and find AQ off.
Normally I fold this hand for obvious reasons, but I felt the raiser was trying to take down what was in the middle and thought I could push here with this hand, as he was a good enough player to believe he was behind, and even if he did call I was good with two overs (put him on small-med pair). I wasn't worried about UTG being strong as he was too much of a limper to be a threat even in that position. I pushed and UTG insta called, 2nd to act insta folded lol and the raiser sat on for ever then said I must be behind, fold. UTG had AJ, which I was happy to see, he didn't hit, I won. Turned out raiser had 88 and would have hit a set lol - unlucky.

Normal game resumed, eventually got to final table where they wanted to do a 9 handed deal immediately, for 600 each. I said no, which may sound a bit mad considering 9th place was £110 and it didn't really improve until 3rd place (about 600 I think) but there were 3 short stacks there and I'd worked hard to not be one of them - opinions welcome here?
Anyway, I took out each of the short stacks :) to improve my stack immensely then offered a deal - £800 each play on remaining 5 for the last £600 - which they all accepted. Blinds got silly then it went to a chip count - final result was 5th got 800, 4th to 2nd got £900 and the chip leader £1100. Better days.
Stopped at Tesco on way home and bought loads of Halloween donuts which we ate in bed. What a result :)

From Pro "high stakes" to RPO low stakes...

2008-10-30T10:43:00.000-07:00

Everyone's a winner baby...

Played the $750 GTD Turbo rebuy on Ipoker last night, $3 rebuy, full of RPO players such as Stev1e and Morse99. Unheard of result in that I cashed in 2nd place for about $200 with only one rebuy and one addon. Was railbirded by a couple of players from the forum, which does go a long way, when you know your banter is being appreciated lol.

Off to Manchester G tonight for the £30 + £30 semi freeze out. I've only played this a couple of times but have cashed in it before, once a 4 way chop for around £800 so more of the same would be appreciated. However, I have just spent a painful hour at my dentist having an abcess drained so not sure I'm really in the right frame of mind to be playing poker. I'll give it a shot anyway - laters.

Paddy Power Irish Winter Festval side event

2008-10-29T16:18:00.000-07:00

Ok.

I'm a happy girl.

Monday we go to the card room in the City West hotel, Dublin, to play a satellite for the 500 Euro side event. Betfred have paid me in but you take every penny you can get right? (Or is that just us women?) It's a bunfight - first 10 people to sit down play... the BF has his seat in his hot little hand and a French player called the Pink Lady literally parks her arse on his chair as he is halfway through sitting down, and pushes him off it. Now I'm known for being a little forthright (hmm) and considered rude by a few but this was amazing, made worse by the fact she then started shouting at him in french. My guy would never be rude to a woman so it's usually down to me, but she's there with half of Europe as her BF is pascal perault, so she's like the poker version of a WAG (in her case, a HAG), so I know if I say anything, all the frogs start croaking and it's the Battle of Waterloo all over again.

It killed me to keep quiet but we let the cards speak, I took out her rent boy with a really bad play (on my part lol) resulting in my 66 tripping up his pair of queens, ended up my BF, the Pink Lady and one angry lady -me - who gracefully exited in 3rd place to let Pink Lady push all in after the BF had limped on the SB with KK. Au Revoir Mademoiselle.

So onto the comp. My table had a great representation from scouse land with me, Charlie and Ian Nelson, all bantering and putting the heads away of the other guys there with the chat. Two Irish women, one who could play, one who couldn't, plus a Swede with limited English, and a French player Stefane who seemed to like calling. A lot. It's fair to say I owned the table - converstaionally anyway. I was never massively chipped as I lost two thirds of my stack in the first half hour with AA, AK, AQ and 10s - twice. Most of those hands were folded on the flop once i missed but I was battered by the Irish fishy female with my 10s, as she couldnt pass on any flop she had overcards to, whatever they were.

Anyway, I went on to make a few good plays, I also got paid nicely when a couple of hands hit the deck hard but I never had much of a stack as I was always working to build the stack back up to catch up with the others! I got back to the 6k starting stack when the AV was 6,900, and it seemed to stay like that - always just below average. I really did grind it out, not waiting just for hands but also for my chance to pick up a blind or two, but was called EVERY time by Stefane - we had a great laugh together and there was a lot of play going on, but for every pot I won, he would win the next, puttin me back where I was before.

After the dinner break they broke us up and I was moved to the table of the eventual winner, Nikolas Lesbian or something, plus Pro Liam "the gentleman" Flood. I think I played 3 hands in about as many hours. I was so card dead I had to put a mirror under my nose to check I was still breathing.
Then they moved me again, and it just got worse.

Julian Thew sat 2 seats to my right with a monster stack, an aggressive croatian on my SB who only knew two words of English - All In - and Ciaran OLeary 2 seats to the left. Then, just to rub salt into the already weeping wounds, they slot James Akenhead inbetween me and Ciaran. I'm so far out of my depth I was looking round desperately for a lifeline when I realised there were only 5 tables left, meaning over a quarter of the field had gone - but I was still there.

It gave me the patience to sit and nurse my short stack for what felt like weeks, plus I didn't have any chips to steal with so a hand of some sort was required, as most of the players would have to insta call my stack anyway on the BB. Then, who comes to the table but the French guy who I busted out of the satellite with my 66. Guess what happened? :) Yep, his KK UTG was beaten by my A10, apologies my froggy compadre.

So I had no friends or admirers on the table but I had doubled up. I sat on for another 36 hours or so until finally having to push with k9 before I got blinded away. Insta call in BB for another 16k with AJ, flop AK9, rest a blank I'm doubled up again. We're finally in the money (paying to 26) I nurse this stack like Florence Nightingale to scrape my way through, I have 59k in the SB when the cut off pushes all in for 60k. I HAVE KINGS!! I should be ecstatic but I have a really sick feeling in my gut this is going to go pear shaped. I don't need a hand! I've got here without any, I'm fine thanks poker gods, let me fold my way to victory please?

I call. I walk away from the table as I can't look. I don't need to look as a massive "Oooow" collectively comes out of everyone's mouths as the flop comes rag, rag, rag, turn - jack... river - Jack. The guy pushed with .. QJ. I'm out.

Realistically, I busted KK twice with A10 and 88 to get as far as I did, and I was always on borrowed time with never really getting over the average. That was the most solid game I have ever played, I folded more hands than i have ever managed to do before, but also outplayed strong players a few times to steal my way to the money and I was rewarded for that, so I really can't be unhappy about the bad beat. ( I did get the name and address of the JQ guy though - watch out for any post that sounds like it's ticking ok?)

So I placed 15th out of 203, i got 900 euros (but was freerolling anyway) and a couple of points which may take me up to about 3 millionth place on the ranking tables :). I'm more than happy with that. I got to meet some world class players, and some great people (these things do not always go hand in hand unless you are Julian Thew), had a free stay in a 4 star hotel, and got pissed with Padraig Parkinson so I'm chuffed to bits with the whole weekend.

NOTE TO BETFRED - You sent 6 male players over to this festival and one woman. Only one of your seven cashed. Like they say, if you need a man's job doing, send in a woman. I'm not sure if anyone actually says that or if I just made it up but I like the sound of it either way :) Now if anyone fancies staking me for the Blackpool GUKPT, main or side events, please feel free to get in touch. Quickly!

2008-10-26T02:27:00.000-07:00

Padraig Parkinson is a very bad man. A very very bad man indeed :)

What started as a sociable drink in the bar degenerated into a full on alcohol fest, loss of memory and a vomit trail around the hotel, followed the next morning by severe DTs, double vision and empty pockets. ( The drinks were free, it was the pissed up poker that cost dearly)

I decided to play the super sat for the main event on the Friday night (e150 rebuy) after consuming half my body weight in brandy (and I'm no sylph-like lightweight) while the BF decided to drink Guiness (as usual) with whisky chasers (unheard of) in the company of hardened bar props such as Dewi James and Padraig. He did his Weebles wobble impression but unlike the Weeble, did fall down - down the ladder of disgrace, but we're speaking again now :)

The next morning, after about 2 hours sleep, we walked slap bang into Padraig again at the bar, where he informed us Dewi didn't show up for the weigh-in at 9am (the what?) so the bet was forfeited. Having no idea what he was on about ( and I'm not sure he knew either) I took a hair of the dog with him, in the form of an Irish Coffee (when in Rome and all that), and carried on where we left off the previous evening.

None of this boded well for the BF's main event, which Padraig pointed out had lost its sense of sportsmanship due to most players no longer drinking before and through the tournament. Anyway, as I would hate to be accused of not being a good sport I lined up at the bar with the other old soaks, until I forgot what my name was and went for a sleep. (Not in our room, I just nodded off at the bar for a bit.)

Meanwhile The BF crashed out of the main event with a couple of unlucky beats culminating in his AK beaten by an eyeties K10 when the K10 hit a 10 high flush (all money in on flop).

Played cash later that night and managed to get back a small percentage of my losses from the night before, but still not healthy. In every way :)

PS: On the Sunday we were making our way to the poker room when we walked past Padraig and stopped to chat until realising from the blank look in his eye, he had absolutely no recollection of who we were!

Ho ho ho?

2008-10-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

ok we're here in Dublin for the Paddy Power Irish Festival in a really plush old fashioned hotel full of golfers and poker players, everyone here for the craic and some people obviously here for the crack as well, as I've been propositioned twice.

Not chatted up I hasten to add - oh no. Nothing as flowery and romantic as that, just two simple propositions where I took the gist to be I would exchange my bodily fluids for cash.

I'm wearing jeans ffs although I have also got the FM long black boots on which may have given out the wrong message, but tell me, how do you go outside for a fag at 3 o clock in the afternoon and get a middle aged fella shooting straight over to ask if I'm working?

The boyfriend found it quite amusing until the second guy (also middle aged - I am coming to accept i'm a limited market at my age) patted his chair as I walked past and asked me if I cared to join him and his friends. While pushing his room key across the table.

Bear with me here, the bar is filled with men - golfers, poker players and buisness men - and the only other two women in there are two prostitutes. Of that there is no doubt. So I can see the natural progression of thinking here, as men think with their dicks on most occasions. However, matters weren't helped in the least when I sat back down and one of the hookers came over to tell me I was stunning (yeah yeah I know, obviously on drugs) and that I was apparently sitting on a goldmine.

So once she had bounced over it has cemented it into guys' heads that we are bosom buddies and presumeably they all now think i'm here for their crack as long as the price is right. The BF is meant to be going to the guiness taphouse tonight for a welcome party, while I play the Super Satellite, so when he comes back I will either have won a seat for the main event, or have earned enough to buy everyone in. We shall see. :)

Hotel is lovely, I will try and take a few pictures (if I can get off my back for long enough) and post them (If I can learn how to do that).

PS: Big big up boyakasha to Betfred who have paid me into the E500 side event on Monday, on the condition I write an article on the weekend. I'm really buzzing of that as we're fully paid up til Tuesday courtesy of Ipoker/Betfred with the BF paid in for the main event, and me paid in for the biggest side event. And now the distinct possibility of earning a wedge off some fat golfers. Happy Days :( more to follow.... depending on how much I drink :)

2008-10-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

I've had a load of positive feedback from readers of this new blog since the post featuring Carla, the self appointed Queen of the Broadway. Doesn't look like any of them have been brave enough to actually put a comment on here though he he.

Met another contender for the crown of the town last night at Leos. If you haven't played Leo's cash game in Liverpool, well, what can I say. It has its regulars, a couple of whom have been there since year dot like Trevor and Ted, then you get the faces who play every week for a few months then go broke, or get shot or something. These are the people you need to play against on a regular basis if you want to make some serious dough. But only if you don't mind your money caked in coke.

I can't play cash at Leos. The game that gets me paid at Manchester and Blackpool simply doesn't work here, my only consolation is I know I'm not alone. However, I have a lot of fun there: the old school guys taught me to play at the now defunct West Derby Grosvenor, and they are on the whole genuinely good guys - if a little misguided :)

There used to be rumours that if you won at the gravel pit as it was affectionately known, and weren't a regular, you would be relieved of your winnings before you got to your car. This is so untrue. They used to actually follow you home and take your cash AND your car on your doorstep.

Anyway I sat down at cash last night, played two hands and left as the bf had just gone out of the tourny so we decided to call it a night.
first hand I played, UTG I raised the pot with 67 spades. As you do. (I need to point out here that at Leos standard play is to pot with any pr, any suited connectors and any ace. It's also standard play to straddle in any position, often resulting in a straddle of up to £200 before a card is dealt. ) mid position guy reraised called by 3 more guys and back round to me who flat called. flop 899 two spades - happy xmas. BB checked I bet the pot, knowing if I don't the raiser will and I'll have to call - I'd rather bet my flush/straight draw and have him call or possibly fold to take down what's in the middle. He reraises which puts me all in for not much more and a spade comes on the river. Nice hand.

Now we've got a new Neanderthal at the opposite end of the table who seems to be very good mates with the guy cryin over his busted Aces. I think when they are at the gym they probably spend a lot of time flicking each other with towels in the shower.
Apeman is looking at me as if I've just got up and shown him I have a penis under my skirt. Kind of disgust with a little gleam of fascination there.

He starts to make a few little comments to his mate, I'm really not interested as I don't know him and in all honesty he looks dangerous in a thick kind of way, so I stay quiet. He's not a great player but he has a wad of bent money in front of him so I know he's coming to the river with me whatever I do, so I know it's gonna have to be good to beat him.

I'm on the BB and of course he raises the pot, everyone calls giving me much more than 5:1 for my money so I call blind. Flop 972 I look at my cards and find 97s. I can't decide what to do here. I know he's gonna reraise me and I definitely don't want to scare him off with a pot bet if he has nothing, so I bet around half the pot looking him right in the eye. (The normal one, not the eye that looks over to the left somewhere) Then the plan goes a bit tits up when the guy next to me goes all in for about another £40 more, folds round to Apeman who squints at me and pots it again. I'm not scared by this as I know I am ahead, my only worry is if he has a big pair (unlikely with all those steriods) that the board may pair and it's goodnight vienna to my stack. I decide to hollywood it a bit,partly cos I can and partly cos I want to know if he has a pair of just a drawing hand.

So I'm giving it the chat - "I know I'm ahead" etc, and he's telling me I'm not while his eyes are saying I am. So I say "I really do think at this stage I'm ahead, unless of course you've flopped a set - have you got a set" Brainiac immediately says "no" , then quickly says "No you're not ahead" nice swerve. So I say "ok I know you have an overpair, maybe Jacks again, as you couldn't lay them down before to Kings, I call" They guy inbetween pipes up, what about me I might have flopped a set, so I politely point out his small side pot and tell him to shut the fuck up while the serious dosh goes in the middle.

Billybigballs turns over his Jacks (nice read Caroline ) while side pot man throws K9 into the middle. As I thought I'm ahead so the pot of over £400 still has my name on it.

Turn is a K, side pot man has a quick orgasm while Apeman is turning a dull shade of red with anger.

River is a... King. Suddenly he has kings and jacks, while I have kings and.. nines. with a sad little kicker. Apeman is still angry as he hasn't worked out he won, the dealer tells him how and he starts to insult me with eloquence and grace, telling me I wasn't ahead ha ha and how the best hand always wins. I'm ok with it - I know I made a good call in the circumstances, I read his hand correctly but I was outdrawn. I also know there's no point telling him as he won't get any of that. As we leave Apeman turns to me as we walked past and says "your fella wants to put you straight for throwing away his money like that." My fella looks at him and replies "If she hadn't had made that call then I'd put her straight. That was a no fold any day of the week " Thanks babe mwah but it does piss me off that they always assume you are playing with your fella's hard earned dosh. Makes me want to go and throw myself under a racehorse while chained to railings with my bra on fire.

Note to self: If you try and outdraw a donkey be prepared to take consequences.

Off on my hols in the early hours so unlikely to be online till next thursday night. Leave a comment if you read this. Apeman is waiting for the picture version so no worries of any comeback there :)

At least I'm consistent...

2008-10-14T10:49:00.000-07:00

Played a little online on Sunday night, a SnG, 30 runners and came first, then a MTT $5 FO and cashed in that for the life changing amount of $35. I don't normally play freezeouts of thsi buy in range cos I'm not equipped with enough patience to cope with the outdraws. My PC isn't equipped with enough padding to deal with being thrown out of the window either. However, I was happy enough as I deliberately entered it to keep me solid after going out far too early in the last few tournys on-line, so something must have worked.

Monday I can gloss over in the way only a woman can. Yeh I played a little poker, yeah it was badly, yeah I lost. But today is Tuesday so Monday doesn't count. Right?

So back to today then - I entered the $10k gtd on Ipoker, $25 rebuy. Managed to battle past 163 runners to come 8th, for about $400. It's not mega bucks I know, certainly not enough to keep me in the style I'm not accustomed to, but the point is it's another final table, which tells me I must be doing something right. No horrific outdraws, either to me or from me tells me I played pretty solid. Off to Leos in Liverpool tonight for £30 DC if I can get round to finding something to wear. Sometimes it's hard to be a woman :)

Cash result

2008-10-12T07:31:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was pretty much a freeroll as I'd won the seat online for a tenner, but I still wasn't happy going home empty handed as such so decided to play a little cash.

I tend to play according to the table when I play cash, particulat somewhere new), with Liverpool being the one exception - another story another day.

So after pulling up at the £100 min sitdown, 2/5 blinds I watched for a while and waited patiently till I had a vague idea what was going on whch didn't take too long. It was a feeder table for the main cash game and was a great mix of mainly absolute rocks playing only top ten starting hands, with one complete loon calling station plus a couple of young internet boys. Found a pr of queens which doubled me up from the loon. He called my 4xbb raise with 68 flop came J 6 8, I bet the pot which left me with about £40 quid, he reraised me which I wasn't passing for £40. His 68 was left behind when a J came on turn to give me higher 2 pr. Lost half my stack with JJ to KK, then slowly worked my way up to about £600 (from £100). Then they moved me to the feeder table where I managed to lose nearly £400 with jacks to qq (very very bad read on my part - no shit sherlock) which dented my stack and my confidence. Anyway I recharged the confidence with a fag then went on to rebuild the stack to £720 with a combination of outplaying an internet boy who was scared shitless by me, river betting a calling station every time I thought he'd missed his draw so he'd fold, plus one humongously good call and one horrendously bad outdraw lol.

Too tired to drive home so we grabbed a room in the Quality Hotel round the corner for 4 hours sleep before they kicked us out at 10am for the 2 hr drive back to southport. Nothng worse than not being able to clean your teeth after a night of coffee, brandy and fags IMO.

2008-10-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

This is Carla. I'm partaking in nicotine at the Broadway, having been on her table all night at the Betfred Ladies Tour, and we're chatting about the game. She asks if I'm playing the eve comp there £30 DC, but tells me it's full of morons. "But," she says, " You'll be alright cos you're a moron as well."

I can't disagree with that.

The irony is she then went on to tell me how she was a rock, and how badly all the other women there played because they just limped all the time. The only problem I have with any of this conversation is her selective memory that allowed her to forget this hand:

Dawn Allen raises the second hand she's played all day. Carla has already limped in so calls the raise, along with two others. Flop rainbow, Q 8 3. Dawn bets the pot. Other two fold, Carla insta calls. Turn 9, 2 hearts now. Dawn bets Carla insta calls. River J, 3rd heart possibe flush there, Dawn checks, Carla bets half the pot, Dawn folds AQ. Gooo fold Dawn, as Carla has a straight with K10, which she proudly turns over. Dawn looks back the Q83 flop and looks at Carla who says , yeh I can't say why I called the bet on the flop, sometimes you just have that feeling it's gonna hit don't you?

C'mon Carla, come and sit over here with me in the moron corner. Loads of room for both you and your ego :)

So it was a good day. I paid somebody in to this comp - she knows who she is - and she seemed to have a good day from what I saw, so as far as I'm concerned that's money well spent. It's nice to win, but with a comp like this where there is a massive social side and a fantastic camaraderie, it is genuinely good fun for most of the women to simply take part. (yeah I know you won't hear any men saying that about a comp, but it's true.)

Full respect for Malcolm Harwood for tirelessly running round sorting this comp, he's constantly getting new venues on board for the following year and tells me there will be a heat in Spain next year. He's planning a 4 day mini trip over there, with a comp the night before for everyone, followed by the Ladies event and more. The satellites on Betfred will be more frequent and with a different buy-in structure (more varied) and I believe Betfred may be adding even more money to the prize pool, so worth having a look at if you are female.

Linda Blundell went on to win the comp yesterday and I'm made up with that as she is a top bird. She might have forgotten but when we were eating a very strange soggy pasta dish in the break together, she definitely said if she won she would give me it all. Now she may try and back out of this by pretending she was actually offering me her pasta, but I'm convinced she meant to say "If I win you can have my winnings" instead of " Jesus this is disgusting I wouldn't feed it to my dog. Would you like it?" Cheers Linda, PM me for my bank details. :)

2008-10-10T00:07:00.000-07:00

I'm playing horrifically poor poker at the moment, it's degenerated down a level from occasionally fishylooseaggressivebad, to just shit.

I seem to have reverted back to getting far too involved far too early, which I worked out a long time ago doesn't work. Sure it can get me a monster stack early (well compared to 10 and 20 blinds anyway) but I lose it even quicker. I should perhaps point out here for the unitiated - when I say 10 and 20 blinds, I'm referring to donk level MTTs, not cash :)

I don't play cash at all online, mainly due to my experiences with it when I first started playing online, back in da day at the old stalwart, Paradise Poker. I had a nice slice of money kicking around combined with dial up tortoise speed internet, add to that the fact I had no concept I was playing real people plus a large dash of non-belief. All factors combined with an end result of me taking the internet off. For a couple of years.

So once I was solvent again (I kid you not it was that bad) and I'd honed my skills a little thanks to the guys at West Derby Grosvenor I went back online but with a very different game plan. Cash was barred.

I have phases where it's SnG only for ages, then I get fed up and move to MTTs for a while. If I fancy getting my chat suspended I will hit the 7 card stud cash tables for a while (Limit poker - what's that all about?)

I think the problem at the moment is the success I've had over the past few months has made me very careless. Month by month I've picked up quite a few final tables, yes all low stakes (max £50) but the prize money in comparison to the stakes I've paid out has been a good return. The mortgage has been paid in advance, we've just fitted a new bathroom, turned the spare room into an office and we go away for an all inclusive week in the sun this Thursday. Oh yeh, and I bought a horrifically expensive pair of leather boots from Faith. Worth it for them alone.

Because we play poker as a hobby that helps with the bills, it's very easy to get complacent when you're running good. So I'm watching myself throw money down the drain making bad calls and bad plays, which makes me think I need to sharpen up somewhat!

Off to work today so no poker anyway until tomorrow afternoon when I'm playing live at Birmingham in the Betfred Ladies Tour. (See previous posts as to my level of competence at Ladies games) This will be the ultimate test for myself, purely to stay in past the second level. I'm going to write flash cards to remind myself women call, whether they have the nuts or are Ace high, so "representing" what's on the board is pointless, early on anyway. And if you think I'm being unfair - read this then decide:

Last year I won a seat for the same comp, at Napoleons. I wasn't in this hand on my table but watched it unfold incredulously (and left shortly afterwards lol) Player A raises, called by Granny B,and about 7 others as usual. Flop rags, but with a straight draw plus two hearts. Player A pot bets flop, forget exact figures but around 2k, having raised 3 BB (300) preflop. Granny B is sat there contemplating her knitting and hasn't even looked at the flop (I'm sitting opposite her) The dealer turns to her and says 2k to go. Granny looks down at her chips, asks which chips make 2k, so the dealer shows her a white chip plus 2 greens that player A has bet out, granny digs through her stack and finds a white chip and two greens. She shows them to the dealer who says that's correct so she puts them on the table.

At no point has she looked at the flop.

The turn comes and puts the straight out there with another heart. Player A bets out again, Granny follows same scenario, again looking for the exact same colour chips (I think she would have folded if she hadn't had the correct colour I honestly do). AFTER calling, she pops on her glasses to have a look at the flop, which is 9 high.
River rag heart, so now a flush out as well as the straight. Player A desperately goes all in, which by this stage is less than the pot, but still a chunky bet. The dealer turns to Granny and say "That's all your chips" so Granny obediently passes her remaining chips to the dealer, who promptly gives them back and then they go over the line.

Everyone at the table is craning their necks to see what monster hands are about to be revealed. Player A has K10 of spades (nh for an UTG raise) and Granny? Granny has Ace Jack off suit. With no heart. She wins a monster pot with ace high. In case you think she had a read or made a great call knowing player A was at it - don't kid yourself. She had AJ and the lady wasn't for folding, simple as. I think a lot of it was the dealer's fault - if she had said "2k or you can FOLD" Grammy m,ight have got out, possibly, but when the dealer asked her for 2k she was simply too polite to say no.

So this is what I'm up against tomorrow. And for a player who likes to raise with J7o it will cost me dearly I fear :)

I'll catch up here on Sunday to tell you just how painful it was. On the up side, there are a few people I'm looking forward to seeing again, so all is not lost!

the downside of fame...

2008-10-09T03:29:00.000-07:00

O dear. You start a blog for fun, you're happily typing away in your own inimitable fashion, laughing at your own jokes (I do that a lot - so much so I even joined a group on Facebook called I laugh at my own jokes), and you easily forget that other people can read your rubbish. Lots of people.

I only started it as I felt left out! The fella had one (it's shite don't bother ) plus loads of the guys I play online with were all blogstalking some poor unfortunate Mike Lotte so I thought I'd join in the fun.

So I'm tilting badly in a MTT so decide to stay out the action by playing an Omaha $5 HU on the side. Minding my own business, staying out of trouble till the other player mentions my blog. While he didn't say anything derogatory (that means bad for the uneducated out there) just saying he was reading it was enough to help me give him my chips in about three hands.

Even though I chose to write a blog, playing someone who can read it and therefore knows me by proxy, while I don't even know my opposition's location, is more than a bit wierd. So there's the answer to anyone who wants my chips - mention this blog for a free double up :)

i am a ranker

2008-10-09T03:26:00.000-07:00

Wow after playing one ranked event in the GCBPTDEFG or something, I'm now ranked 12440 - in the world whoop dedoo.

My winnings, as documented for all to see on Poker Pages, now lists my winnings as $357.

I think I'd rather they hadn't bothered.

just like buses... they all come at once

2008-10-06T12:17:00.000-07:00

Whoops.

Played the 10 seat gtd Ladies Super Satellite on Betfred last night and won a bloody seat again.

I really feel there must be something missing in my game that has allowed me to win 2 seats in a row in a women only comp, after me writing "I will not play Ladies only comps" in my own blood.
I've racked my brains and been over it again and again looking for the chink in my armour that caused this momentary blip, and think I've narrowed it down to two things.

Firstly, I adapted my game to play like the other women - when in Rome and all that. For instance, I limped with rag aces whenever there was a substantial raise from a solid player. If a flop came 227 I then called pot bets that clearly said "I have raised with a middle pair and you will fold now pls" Normally I would then represent the 2 or even a full house on the turn with a half pot bet screeaming pay me bitch, but I have learnt these bitches will indeed pay all the way, so I cleverly check called (sneaky hey?)and went on to ht the ace on the river. How we laughed when the initial raiser showed her KK.
I then limped with pp such as Jacks as I know if I raise they will tit for tat call with A2off, then bet small all the way as most women will see a small bet and think yes I can afford that, lets have a look at the next card. JJ always a winner against Ace high.

The second point is I had my chat off most of the time so I didn't get too carried away with trying to teach people to play, as this always proves my downfall when they prove they can play and I clearly can't. As most of my time wasn't taken up insulting other players I had to look for other things to keep me busy, such as actually watching the game.

Anyway, I won't be making the same mistake twice. I mean 3 times.

So I'm off to Brum this Saturday, then the Western on November 1st. That'll be a dear do as I can't see the other half being happy with watching me chat shit with 60 other middle agers, plus as I'll be first one out I'm bound to get re-buy happy or tilt on cash. We'll be staying over which worries me slightly as the last time I stopped in London I was barred from the Roadhouse and arrested: hopefully I can avoid anything similar this time. I suppose if I avoid the Roadhuse that's a good start.

things that come round to bite you on the bum

2008-10-03T01:31:00.000-07:00

What a week! I spouted off here about my inability to play women only games and why I won't play them... Thursday I had a call from Malcolm "The Rock" Harwood with a very interesting offer which I was genuinely gutted to have to turn down.

Mad Marty Wilson had contacted Malcolm to offer me a seat in the Party Poker Womens Open, with $1000 of the $3000 entry fee paid for by Party Poker! For a fish like me this was brilliant news but on reflection it wasn't going to happen - as much as me and the other half live for poker we have to work to live as well, and as we only work weekends (it's a hard life lol) it was too difficult to get cover for this weekend, as we would need to be in London for Sunday and Monday.

I don't think London's ready for me yet anyway. I was born there but we moved up north when I was at school (circa pre-war era) and I think my sense of humour developed too fast for the southerners to keep up, with them being a bit slow and all that down there in the sticks.

Even though I knew I couldn't realistically play I was a bit down in the dumps yesterday as it was a first time offer for me for some serious sponsorship, so I decided to tilt off a little cash on my favourite site Betfred. I tend to always enter the satellites for the Betfred Ladies Poker Tour, only with the aim of making up numbers and generally upsetting the other players on there by heckling their every move, only to be the first player out when a spectacular bluff goes completely tits up.

I'm not sure how it happened - I must have had my chat off - but I won the seat in the Birmingham leg next Saturday. I need to seriously go over my game and find the leak in my play that allowed this to happen.

So I'm off to play with the girls next week, although I use the term "girls" lightly - have you seen some of them? There's a whole lotta facial hair going on and far too many unisex clothes. The problem with poker shirts is deciding if the wearer is male or female sometimes. (This is obviously why I wear short skirts - the lack of breasts means I have to point it out to them somehow.)

So it's not been a bad week. The other half won a $4500 package to the Paddy Power Irish Winter festival this week as well, and he's taking me along as his guest. Not that there was an option for him there.

2008-09-25T16:49:00.000-07:00

Okay nothin from me now over the weekend as work beckons and off I trudge with a weary heart. Friday morning I whizz up to Blackpool for the weekend where i run a bar. Most of you would probably love it as it's a topless bar under a lap dancing club but me, I can't be arsed with the dramas of I can't work because my false eyelashes fell off, OMG someone hid my top, I'm so pissed I'm gonna be sick in this ice bucket behind the bar, the doorman said he loved me but now he's nobbing my mum etc etc.
The pay is great and it's only till the season ends so don't pity me too much lol

... and no, I don't get my tits out.

Bridgnorth poker in the pub with a difference

2008-09-25T10:56:00.000-07:00

Dropped in at the Gala GBPT in Liverpool last week for the £100 FO and managed to go in as an alternate, never have over 10 BB and still final table. Admittedly I went in there with two BB and came straight out again with 10th place, but a result's a result. Was on table for most of the night with Steve Holden (check out his blogspot steveholdenpoker.blogspot.com) a pro player I have met a couple of times before and harassed unmercifully online previously.
We met at Leos in Liverpool the first time last year and my first impression of him was (wrongly ) that he was very arrogant. The irony here is as he pointed out to me, his first impression of me was seeing me ask a 16 stone skinhead drug dealer "WTF do you think you're looking at baldy..." so maybe it was the reaction to my behaviour that I could see reflected in his eyes :). I then kept coming across him in the same satellites online (he plays as avillan on Blue Sq) and with my bravery knowing no boundaries behind the safety of my PC monitor, I regularly abused him and took the piss on every move he made.
We ended up HU on a $2.50 mad satellite where the first prize was a full package for the GUKPT and fair play to him, when he whupped my ass he didn't gloat. (He didn't really need to as he had the seat and i had nothing but five hours of my life I could never get back :( )
Bumped into him in Bolton but this latest Gala was the first time I really spoke to him, rather than at him, and had a rethink on my snap judgement - strangly it's usually right but I'm willing to admit I made a mistake once. Just once mind.
Anyway, there's a point to all this. I'm getting there but as it's not exactly earth shattering I'm sure you'd rather read all the incidental shit around it as you obviously have nothin better to do right now.
Okay, so Steve mentions this satellite for a Womens' Open on Sep 24th in a place called Bridgnorth, which I'd never heard of, run by Mad Marty, who I had heard of. He sent me an email the next day and I figured I'd make up the numbers. My only worry was had I been invited as the token fish, and of course when I found myself sat next to Sally SAS, I realised yes, he'd invited us both to make up numbers with proper players. Then the game got underway and I was even happier to find we were all fish and it was just another typical ladies game... :)

Small aside her - I swore after playing a Womens' comp at Star City I would never play another women only game. Apart from winning a seat in the Betfred/Rock Poker Ladies Tour, I never have done, and there are reasons for this.
It's not that I think I'm better than the other women at my table oh no, it's just such a completely different game to normal poker. No really - womens poker is not normal poker. Rarely do you see a sign of aggression, everyone just calls and limps and it kills me because I have poker ADD. If it's not going on for me I have a compulsion to make it happen, regardless of what cards I may hold. Now I can get away with this in a normal game but put me with a group of women who only play pictures or top ten hands and I'm fucked every time. I represent the straight or the flush beautifully, my body language is doing full reverse psychology designed to make them think I have it in my hands, the board says quite clearly get the fuck out with your top pair and then I hear those gut wrenching words - I think I'm behind.... As I'm 9 high obviously their A3off is good (they hit the 3) and I'm history.
I realise a better player would adapt their game to suit... I don't even pretend to be that player. Sit me down at a table of women and I self destruct in about 4 hands, depending on the starting stack size. I know this makes me the fish, not them, but I'd rather be the guppy at the cash table with the blokes than the battered cod chatting shit all night.
This is the other killer for me - table talk. I was given sit out penalties at the Crown Casino in Oz for my table talk as it was upsetting the guys there, but table talk in a womens game consists of two types only. Type A is no chat whatsoever other than "Nice hand - unlucky". Type B consists of "well when I gave birth to Daniel I had 48 stitches" to which my reply of "Does your perineum look a bit like a Cornish Pasty now?" goes down like a lead balloon. Type B chat throughout the game about birth stories, pregnancy tales and amusing anecdotes about how many times their child threw up last night. I can see what went on cos you still have some on the shoulder of your Laura Asley dress love, I dont need the details.
ok my comp startin, Pick your own GUKPT, back shortly. probably very shortly :(

in the beginning....

2008-09-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

I was asked tonight, just before I crashed out of a tourny in my usual inimitable style, had I a blog. I didn't - but I do now! It's been a long time in the making: 40 yrs give or take, but as I am the funniest woman this side of Watford, possibly, I thought I should share my scintilating poker stories with my poker buddies. And anyone else lucky enough to know me.

I've been playing poker very badly for about 3 years now, and playing moderately good poker for about the past year, allowing for the moon and my menstrual cycle of course. When I first started I truly believed I was the dog's gonads and had no concept of anything better out there than my top pair. The only thing that stopped me going broke early on was the ability to outalk anyone in the hand, as well as a very long pair of legs. If all else failed I found leaning over the table in a short skirt usually diverted attention long enough for me to plan my next move. If that failed, I'd take my knickers off in the loo and try again. I had to stop that when we played at Rileys Snooker Hall and someone attempted to pot the brown.

My other great strength, as well as my mouth, is the ability to build a monstrous stack early on and donk it all off in 3 hands once the blinds get serious. Playing tight is so rarely an option that when I tried to join Rock Poker online I was refused on the grounds Trading Standards may sue. If I don't play every hand people prod me to see if I'm awake. I'm also very good at talking people into calling when I want them to fold and vice versa, which is possibly something I need to look at.
Anyway, enough about me - let's have some more about me.